The ACS Movement for More Birthdays

The "More Birthday's" movement by the American Cancer Society has picked up video endorsements from Lady Antebellum, Maroon 5, Justin Bieber, Keith Urban, Celine Dion and many more recording artists. I can't watch these commercials without crying. While Lady Antebellum & Keith Urban are more my style, Ricky Martin's version puts it best--"here's to a world with less cancer and more birthdays!"

The Divine Healer

A friend is working at historic John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. The other day she walked by the 117-year old, "Divine Healer" (aka: Christus Consolator) statue that adorns the lobby of the domed, Billings Administration Building. She said the inscription made her think of me and my current battle with NHL. She's an RN so mercy, compassion, care and healing are in her blood.

Jesus words of comfort in Matthew 11 are at the base of the statue:

"COME unto ME All Ye That Are Weary And Heavy Laden And I Will Give You REST"

Oh how I need that in my life and not just during a health battle. I run to Him when I'm tired, hurting, broken, wounded, frustrated, seeking forgiveness, and desiring peace. These words remind all of us who follow Christ that THE Healer stands ready to hold, comfort, heal and help all of those who are weighed down by trouble, pain, sickness, or loss. This brings to mind a word of fulfilled prophecy about Christ found in Isaiah 53:

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed. {emphasis mine}

Everyone needs the Healer!

Click here (John Hopkins Hospital) for the full scoop on the statue from the John Hopkins' website.

Hold Me Jesus

Soul poet, Rich Mullins was only 41-years old when he went home to be with Jesus in 1997. It's hard to believe he's been gone that long. The many songs he left us are full of stirring lyrics and rich melodies. Succeeding generations have rediscovered the gifts he left us through recordings of present-day artists like Third Day, Todd Agnew, Rebecca St. James, Big Daddy Weave, Michael W. Smith and many others. In times of great trouble, challenge, pain and fear I run to the lyric rich hymns of my childhood and the music of artists like Rich Mullins. Lately, "Hold Me Jesus" has been running through my heart and head. Whether you're facing financial struggles, trouble in your marriage, aging parents, health battles, parenting issues, or whatever life has brought, I hope Rich's words wash over your soul as they have mine through the years.

Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

CHORUS:
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

CHORUS

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

CHORUS

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

The Chemo Fog/Effect

For most cancer patients there are days when you don't feel exactly "right" and you know it's the accumulative effects of chemo, but you're hard-pressed to point to one specific side effect. I don't know if there is a name for it, but I've decided to call it the "Chemo Effect," or "Chemo Fog". It's more than a cold, more than the flu, totally unpredictable and altogether annoying.

You can wake up without nausea, leg cramps, mouth sores, tingling/numb hands and toes thinking you've got the day by the horns and suddenly realize you are having trouble finding specific words to complete a sentence. And you know the word, but you just can't form it in your brain. It's called Chemo Brain. Or, you battle mouth sores before bed and wake the next morning feeling pretty good only to discover that after a shower and getting dressed you are completely wiped out and you have killer reflux that won't go away despite the best reflux meds! You realize the toxic goo causing the mouth sores is now causing them in your gut! My point is that just when you think you've got a handle on your body something else happens.

Work can be a real challenge because at times you have trouble concentrating and the latest side effects are not very helpful in that department either. Twice this week I've had the best intentions to stay with it in my office, but have had to leave. Several times I've had these (don't laugh I'm not any more nuts than I was before chemo!) out of body experiences-----yes, something just doesn't feel quite right and you know you are not at 100%. It's like there's a fog over your body, but you can't explain it. I'm not talking about being unable to drive, or walk. And no, I don't see visions, or speak Yugoslavian, or suddenly have the ability to sing opera, but something just isn't quite right and no matter how hard you try you can't seem to make it better. It's okay because tomorrow there will be a different side effect as we all hang on to that week right before a chemo cycle when we are finally feeling a little normal, our counts are back up and we're about to go down that awful treatment road one more time!

Clinging to Jesus becomes even more important, vital and necessary with each cycle of treatment.

My People

Sitting in the infusion lab and getting the latest installation of chemo I look around and realize, "I fit here with these people." At the Cancer Center bald is beautiful and we stare at the people with hair (not really) because there are more of us without hair, lol.

Time in the chair is passed with loved ones and close friends stopping by to sit awhile, crossword puzzles, catching up on email, some watch DVD's, a lot of reading is done and some serious Ipod listening happens. Laughter is the ultimate medicine as you discuss the humorous side of cancer, chemo and it's side effects with fellow patients.

As the 6-hour drip party passes the second hour, the laughter between a group of us is abruptly halted by a harsh reminder that while this disease and its treatment can't steal love and joy, it does hammer you physically. A woman (not receiving treatment that day) is escorted into the lab by one of the caring front desk assistants as the woman is vomiting into her hands and nurses race to get a tray for her. I watch as my nurse leaps from doing something else and lovingly, tenderly puts her arm around the patient and walks her into a private area with a hospital bed and draws the curtain. After a couple of hours, some fluids and observation her husband is able to take her out with a wheelchair. She manages a faint smile as we cheer her on in total empathy.

I've learned that humor/laughter is an absolute must for those battling cancer and their family. A few, and I mean very few patients I've met have no sense of humor, or the ability to laugh in the middle of all of this. But, everyone has to process it in their own way and there's no one right way to cope. However, the sober reminder that this is a battle with serious side effects and symptoms is always lurking, like the woman escorted into the lab vomiting.

I guarantee she lost NO dignity among us as tough as vomiting in public can be. She is brave to us another fighter in the battle. She was a trooper and all of us have been there. She is another anonymous hero to me. I look around at these beautiful bald, wig and ballcap-covered heads and smile. I say silently to God, "Lord, these are my people! Heal, protect, comfort and encourage them with your grace. And for those battling this without Your presence help me to reveal You to them in gentle love when the opportunity arises. Amen."

Every life is terminal. And we are ALL, regardless of our health one day closer to seeing Jesus!

LIVESTRONG Manifesto

Remember The Past With An Eye on the Future

Do you remember this picture of the NYC firefighters raising the American flag at ground zero after 911? Do you remember the countless numbers of people from across the country (First Responders, Disaster Relief volunteers and more) who raced to NYC to pitch in and help with the rescue and clean up? What about the public memorial and prayer services across the country? Ribbons and flags on our cars? A deep sense of national pride, unity and camaraderie permeated our country.

The act of terror on American soil touched every American in some way. One of my favorite images following that dark day of terror was September 15th (only 4 days after the tragedy) when members of Congress on both sides of the aisles joined together and sang God Bless America on the steps of the Capitol. I remember thinking at that time, "perhaps our unity and purpose really is greater than any difference we have." From tornadoes, to hurricanes, war, heinous community crimes, or specific social injustices, Americans have an incredible ability to pull together and help each other in the face of such tragedies. I'm still naive enough to believe that the American people are the greatest resource of our country!

Today, our country seems so divided over politics and the economy. The vitriol and finger-pointing coming from Washington to the campaign trail is sad in light of how we responded as a united people on 911 and to support the Gulf region after Katrina, our military in Iraq and Afghanistan and more recently, the devastating 2011 southern tornadoes.

Some may say it takes a tragedy to bring Americans together, but I don't buy it. While tragedy may ratchet up our awareness/urgency, I think it reminds us how precious life is and how blessed we are as a people and I believe our unity runs deeper than our political party affiliation. Sure we have honest differences and ideas about the best way for our country to proceed for the future, but we are in this together!

I think the church forgets this as well. Sometimes we get set on our particular concern/agenda, or area of ministry at the exclusion of the big picture and God's glory. The cause of Christ is ill-served by division and disunity. Worship ceases where there is division (I did not say differences).

When we remember 911 we honor the thousands of victims and heroes of that dark day. We remember that even the worst imaginable attack on a sovereign nation can't withstand a nation at prayer and countless acts of love, charity, unity, hard work and commitment.

This weekend let's remember 911, but let's do it with an eye on the future and with a unity of purpose that is so powerful it stifles any attempts to bring harm to innocent people both at home and abroad! A united nation is a formidable opponent to evil and terror because it rises out of the ashes of destruction.

Oh yeah, for those who are Christ-followers remember that Jesus said we are to be known by our love for one another, even when we disagree. I also believe that a united church (all Christ-followers) is indeed the most formidable opponent to the evil one and terror because at the end of the day love for one another lives beyond destruction.

Side Effects I'd Like to Have

Anyone familiar with chemo knows there are side effects that accompany the toxic brew used to kill cancer cells and unfortunately good cells too.

I've had the privilege of experiencing the following common side effects, but I'm grateful they haven't been simultaneous, or continuous.

Here are some of the common side effects for my particular treatment, R-CHOP:

• Numbness/tingling/loss of feeling in hands and toes
• Hair loss
  
• Dry-mouth, Mouth and throat sores
• Nausea
• Cold, Sinus or Flu-like symptoms
• Constipation
• Risk for infection (neutropenia) due to low cell/blood counts
• Chemo brain (memory loss, focus issues, trouble finding the right word, etc.
• Bone pain (for those on Neulasta to boost blood cell production)
• Nosebleeds
  

It takes awhile for some of these to start so you can't get cocky and think you've dodged the bullet because you don't have one of them the week of treatment. Mine started 7-10 days after chemo and they continue, but none are severe. Then you have to begin the battle to treat the side effects! Welcome to the vicious cycle of chemo.

It occurred to me that some of us would like some alternative side effects instead of the common ones previously listed. So here's some side effects I'm hoping to develop in no particular order:

• Six-pack abs
• A head of thick and full black hair
• The ability to dunk a basketball
  
• Genius IQ
• Fluent in a second language without studying
• Plumbing and HVAC skills
• 7 strokes off my golf game

You gotta laugh! I thank God for my medical team and their vigilance in dealing with the ongoing issues related to chemo. My issues are nothing compared to some of my sisters and brothers battling for their lives with chemo and transplants. They are the real heroes.

Happy Birthday Dad

Labor Day weekend we celebrate my Dad's 80th birthday! As a PK my Dad has served in many capacities in my life. Dad is, or has been my: buddy, mentor, teacher, coach, pastor, friend, father and listener. He has loved my Teri like his own daughter and both of our children have been drenched in "Gran Dad'" love their entire life.

I could fill this blog with attributes and stories about my Dad and his character, integrity, humility, and love.

As I look back on my 49 years of Dad's 80, I smile. Yes, a smile is what comes to mind first and foremost. Dad has always had an extraordinary sense of humor, even in the middle of pain. His trademark smile is distinct. His eyes twinkle when he's about to tell a joke and you just know he is getting tickled. He sees humor everywhere and he isn't afraid to laugh at himself.

This weekend we will spend time as a family remembering and recalling special times as a family and I guarantee we will laugh often. As we gather together this weekend we will embrace the wisdom writer's truth: "A cheerful heart is good medicine."
Happy birthday Dad!