Stop Throwing Stones and Extend Grace

In the last few years several high profile and popular mega-church pastors have been in the news for issues, or questions related to their leadership.  Nearly all of them can be traced back to struggles with pride and control.  Their critics, both inside and outside the church have been relentless at times.   In some instances the critics have been as harsh, or difficult in their criticism as the very behaviors they single out in these pastors.  Among the critics have been former staff and church members, many whom disregarded and bypassed the Scriptural admonition to resolve conflict face to face (Matt. 18), by going straight to the news media, social media and blogs to air their complaints.  When you read some of this stuff you feel like you are in a married couples bedroom and they are discussing intimate things that shouldn't be available to those of us on the outside.

I am not a current, or former member of the churches in question.  Nor do I personally know the pastors or those bringing the complaints.  However, I am a fellow Christ-follower, which makes me a brother in Christ to all of the men and women on both sides.  Like ALL of these people I am fully human.  I am also a pastor so I can fully appreciate what it's like to be on the receiving end of healthy, constructive criticism and unhealthy, divisive criticism.  Neither is fun when it's done in public!

My role here is not to blindly defend the accused, or jump on the bandwagon of those bringing legitimate and illegitimate complaints.  There is a biblical prescription for local congregations when it comes to discipline and reconciliation.  Oh sure, I could talk about accountability in the body of Christ and how that gives me the right to weigh in and take a side, but am I willing to affirm that when I find myself, or my church in the same situation?  And is that what I am supposed to do biblically? I don't think so.

I think our default as Christians is supposed to be grace, reconciliation and restoration of the fallen.  I take no joy in the sin(s) of others.  I ache for them and I grieve for them.  I pray for their restoration.  I am supposed to practice the "one another's," in Scripture: love one another; forgive one another; encourage one another; serve one another, etc.  You get the idea.  So I've got a huge biblical assignment as a Christ-follower and that leaves no time for me to judge, criticize, or condemn the fallen.  There but for the grace of God......

C'mon church let's live in a way that fulfills what our leader prayed for in John 17.  That we would be known by our love for one another.  I'm not saying turn a deaf ear, or disregard sin.  However, I am saying that we need to speak truth in love and practice the same forgiveness that has been granted to each of us by God without exception!

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  (Eph. 4:32)

From Where I Sit

Everyone has an opinion on the situation in Ferguson, MO, following the police shooting that led to the death of teenager, Michael Brown.  The police officer involved was white and Brown was  African American.  The subsequent protests, riots, vandalism and looting that took place tells us the racial divide in America is farther apart than many of us had hoped.  Nut jobs and people who seem to chase these kind of events aside, we seem to be losing ground in race relations.   

While I have some thoughts on the subject this is not a commentary on race.  However, it is one on police officers.  Hopefully it's from a perspective the average citizen does not get to see.  Whenever I hear the words, "officer involved shooting," I tend to cringe because I know what's about to happen and it is the thing I fear most for everyone involved.  And that is the endless speculation that takes place in the media and public conversation before an investigation is ever completed.  Speculation is never good because it speaks before all the facts have been gathered and it can be damning to those closest to the situation.  

There is a reason police departments have endless policies, directives, orders and protocol.  While there are time I shake my chaplain's head at the level of it, I'm grateful for the process because it does not rely on, or embrace speculation and hearsay.  It is a process that deals strictly in facts and evidence.  It takes time to collect, gather and sort it all out.  People in Ferguson want "justice" yesterday, but they need to let the process work.  It's not going to be yesterday and believe me, if it's rushed you don't want any part of it.  Let the rule of law, evidence, and testimony be given the proper amount of time to work.  

Riots and protests are nearly always a spontaneous, emotional reaction to what has already happened.  It usually does not have a positive affect on the outcome.  If anything it usually adds to the chaos and and dissemination of misinformation.  If a life is lost, or someone is seriously injured (whether perpetrator/suspect, victim, police officers, etc.) doesn't it make more sense to make sure we take our time, let the process work and get it right the first time than it does to act on a hunch, or respond emotionally?  For Pete's sake these are lives, families and careers we are talking about.  

Police officers are easy targets.  Uniformed patrol officers/deputies are often caught in a "no-win" situation between the public, politicians, and the brass.  Their calling to serve and protect is hardly glamorous.  It has its rewards, but at times it can be brutal.  So often officers are despised, hated, or tolerated by the very people they serve!  And yes that cuts across all levels of income and education.  And while I have seen it first hand I still don't get it.  My generation and family were raised to respect those placed in positions of authority, even those with whom we disagreed.  It's called respect.  So when I hear people talk as if law enforcement's first response is to use force without discretion regardless of the circumstances, or who is involved, I realize the level of ignorance and uninformed opinion is rising in our country.  People forget that police officers are also fathers, sons, daughters, mothers, brothers, aunts, uncles, husbands and wives.  They aren't disconnected cyborgs acting without compassion.  

Yes, I will agree that there are bad doctors, pastors, teachers, lawyers, clerks and even police officers that have forgotten why they do what they do and behave in unethical ways.  But they are the exception, not the norm.  I can't speak to the situation in Missouri.  I don't have all the facts, or know enough to weigh in there.  However, it has been interesting to simply listen to people in conversations, social media and news media talking heads describe police officers with a broad brush as being too quick to use deadly force.  And that is the point with which I want to take issue from my personal experience with police officers.  

Two days ago I rode with one of our city's police officers.  We responded to a call where three other units were already on the scene.  The officers were met by a raging pit bull that was not connected to the original call/complaint.  As we approached the dog was lunging toward one of the officers.  Its ears were back, jaw extended and teeth fully showing as it moved forward with a biting and barking motion.  The hair on its back was standing straight up.  You didn't have to be a dog person to realize this was one raging pit bull.  Oh and did I mention that she was obviously nursing and trying to guard the puppies she had just delivered under the complainants house?  At one point the dog was moving back and forth between the five of us.  Each officer had his/her taser out and ready to nail the dog.  

I don't spook easily and I love dogs, but I was ready to haul my butt on the back of a Crown Vic cruiser!  And twice I thought I was going to have to jump on the back of that car.  The officers were patient and deliberate.  Each would've been within their rights to taser and neutralize the out of control, unleashed, and unconfined animal.  But they didn't!  They called Animal Control and patiently waited the dog out as they sought its owner.  What's one less mad pit bull?  Well it was someone's dog and it was protecting its pups.  I'm gonna be honest, I would've neutralized the dog 10 minutes before, but our officers chose to exercise discretion and responded with deliberate discernment!  

During my short tenure as a police chaplain I can tell you this is the norm and not the exception!  Numerous times I've observed officers treating people with dignity and respect who treated them with anything but respect.  From where I sit (the passenger seat of a patrol car) the men and women of Greenville's Police Department are committed, capable and called as they exercise their duties with character and compassion.  Thank you to all who respect and support our officers.  Godspeed officers as you protect and serve us!  We are grateful for you and the vital role you play in our community. 

Good Night Captain

He made me laugh the first time I saw him.  And thereafter if he didn't make me laugh his characters moved me to tears.  His film, stage and television career is legendary.  To be honest I loved him best when he made talk show appearances and completely disarmed the most stoic of hosts with his uncanny ability to morph into any character at any moment.  He did it to Carson, Leno, Letterman, and countless news anchors.  His appearance always meant non-stop chaos and belly laughs.  You never knew what was coming next, but you knew it was going to be good.  
Among my favorite of his films:
Dead Poets Society
Good Morning Vietnam
Birdcage
Patch Adams
Good Will Hunting
Hook
Mrs. Doubtfire  

He played characters with incredible pathos.  He was at his best when he was allowed to ad lib and improv his characters.  Countless voices and characters could be strung together in one endless, serendipitous monologue that seemed like a giant stream of consciousness formed with great deliberation and intent.  And underneath it all was a solid and seasoned actor.  

He was transparent not only on stage, but also in life.  He openly shared about his struggles with alcohol and most recently his heart surgery experience.  Upon news of his apparent suicide his publicist says he was battling serious depression. When I heard the news I tweeted and asked, "Who wipes the tears of the clowns?"  It's as if he was haunted by joy, being able to bring it to so many, but unable to experience it himself.  And that is tragic and profoundly sad.

It's 2014 and there is still a huge stigma attached to mental illness.  It's time to stop it!  It reminds us that the human heart, mind and soul are indeed fragile.  And there but for the grace of God go any of us.  Mental illness is a brain disease and no one should feel ashamed, or beyond hope for a medical condition!   We have got to start having conversations that detach the stigma of mental illness so people can learn about it and get the help they need.  Applause to the attention Rick and Kay Warren have given to this devastating disease following the suicide of their son, Matthew.  

At some point all of us are touched by a family member, friend, co-worker, or someone we know battling mental illness.  It's time we cast light on this darkness so our friends and family members don't try and hide it, but cry out to us when the darkness hits.  When they cry out we run to them and hold them so tight they can't be overtaken by the immediate crisis and we can emerge together seeking the long haul help they so desperately need from committed medical and mental health professionals.  If you ever get that call, or just have a hunch about someone you know, or love, don't dismiss it, or wait.  Act and act with all speed, compassion and grace.  Don't take "no," for an answer!

In one of his early film roles (Dead Poets Society),  Robin Williams played an English teacher (John Keating) at a private school whose unconventional and creative methods opened the door of learning for his students.  In the movie he asks the boys to call him "Captain" if they dare in reference to Walt Whitman's classic poetic tribute to Abraham Lincoln in "Oh Captain!  My Captain!"  It closing lines:

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;

The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;

From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;

Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

RIP  Robin Williams.  I pray that the thousands of homeless you helped through your platform in life will be small compared to those who will get help for mental illness as the result of your tragic death.  May it move them from the darkness, Captain.

Community

There's something innate about our need for community.  You see it in the animal kingdom.  Lions gather in prides, fish school, gorillas live in harems and hundreds of Emperor penguin colonies huddle in the subzero temperatures of Antarctica to mate and incubate their eggs.  Everywhere you look you can find community.  Churches, recovery groups, professional affiliations, neighbors, golf club members, musicians, co-workers, athletic teams, investment clubs, academic and extracurricular school groups and much more.  Community is everywhere.

God embodies community by His very nature.  Community originates with God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  The triune God models community for us and Scripture states that we are created in His image.  So if God is in community at the most intimate level (the Trinity), not to mention His being in community with those who follow Him, then why wouldn't we share the same desire?  We do, even those who aren't willing to admit it.

Everyone wants to be part of something:  a family, tribe, team, small group, etc.  Deep within we all have a desire to connect with others.  You may not do it in the context of the local church, but give me five minutes of your time and I will be able to show you where you are living in community, even at the gym, or in your neighborhood, or workplace.

I think far too long the church has relied on the "big" community experience (weekly worship) to

provide what can only be found in smaller settings.  The intimacy, trust, support, growth and encouragement we experience in smaller communities cannot be replicated in weekly worship and that's okay.  Large gatherings have a different purpose.  If we are doing it right we are coming to them out of relationships within smaller communities and celebrating what God is doing in and through us as a larger community.  Talk to pastors, especially small group pastors and you will find their biggest challenge is connecting people to smaller communities beyond the Sunday worship gathering.   Too many churches boast massive worship attendance numbers, but in comparison have woeful per capita attendance when it comes to small groups, community groups, Bible fellowship groups, etc.  

I'm not bashing corporate worship.  In fact I love it.  But it cannot replace, or provide the level of personal growth, encouragement, support, service, confidentiality/trust, connection and accountability found in smaller communities/gatherings.   It's numerically impossible to expect large settings to do so.

Over the years we have had the privilege to be part of many special, small groups and most, but not all were usually tied to a single church, or ministry.  My small groups/community connections are precious to me.  I've gotten to know some really interesting people through the incredibly diverse groups in which I regularly participate.  I've grown as a person and in my faith because of them.  They are the people who know my heart and I know theirs.  There are people within them who share different opinions and values from mine and yet we not only respect one another we listen to each other.  There is a genuine sense of caring that goes in within them, not to mention the networking, resourcing and practical help we receive within them.

Having recently resigned as a lead pastor we are in a different season in terms of community.  Right now I can identify 3 distinct groups of which I'm a part.  None of them are "under," or tied to a single church.  Two of them are tied to the church (small "c") and are made up of Christ-followers.  And while the third group is not explicitly tied to, or originated out of a church context, it respects the church and people of faith.  It also gives me the opportunity to share from a faith perspective.  All three of these groups support me.  I wouldn't hesitate to call anyone within them if I needed help in the middle of the night.  They would be there for me just as I am for them.  We look forward to meeting together and sharing our stories.  We know our family members' names and what's going on in each others lives.  We celebrate our joys and share our challenges and defeats.  We have a genuine affection and love for one another.  We are invested.

Therein lies the rub.  To be part of a community you have to invest things like your time, energy, and resources.  You have to be willing to be vulnerable and transparent.  You have to be willing to love others, even those with whom you disagree.  That takes time and you may have to be a part of several communities before you find just the right one.  You can't force community either.  It sort of evolves, but it can organically evolve with intention.  By the way authentic small groups/communities are not always "safe".  Meaning you can't control everything and you aren't going to agree on everything.  But once you take the leap and invest in the group that's the "right fit" for you, you realize that you receive far more than you ever contribute, and you learn far more than you have to share.  You grow.   Dive in and find a community where you can love and be loved.

Theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his classic on faith and community entitled "Life Together," observed: The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.

For Love of the Game

Every summer day I come home these neighborhood boys are playing baseball in a nearby yard.  Their dedication and passion bring back some sweet memories for me.  I relish watching them play.  Backyard baseball is a dying sport.  Their passion for the game is rare for their demographic.   Most kids have moved inside to online games played on tablets/iPads, Xbox, PlayStation, or they spend so much time in camps, training and being part of a traveling team in a single sport that they don't have time to just "play" in the yard.


My generation of boys hated to be inside in the summer.  It killed us if we had to play inside on a rainy day.  There were too many home runs to hit, balls to catch, baskets to shoot, or hook routes to run.  We played baseball, basketball and football like we were Joe Namath, Bob Gibson and Wilt Chamberlain.  Our parents would have to call us in for lunch and dinner because we spent so much time playing outside.

David, Brian, Tim, DeWayne, Scott, Robbie and I played wherever and whenever we could.  We were baseball crazy.  Not only could we play we knew the stats of all the Big Leaguer's and it wasn't from the Internet.  We got the stats off their baseball cards.  When we weren't playing we were trading and collecting cards of our favorite players like: Pete Rose, Hammerin' Hank, Seaver, Carlton, the Yaz,  Maury Wills, Frank Robinson, Willie Stargell, Clemente, George Brett, Rollie, Catfish and many more.

We road our bicycles everywhere.  Baseball gloves were strapped on the handlebars as we went from one end of the neighborhood to the other.  Of all the games we played one was constant for us and it was baseball.  It was true and pure.  When there weren't enough to play a game we would play catch, or a game of "hotbox" pretending we were chasing down a runner in a big league game.  Other days we would chase fly balls in the outfield as one of us would hit.  It was a simpler time.

The game always brought us back for another day.  What brings you back for another day?  Your faith, family, job, or a place of service?  Like the boys in the backyard who wake up every summer day chomping to play ball, what burns in your belly that can only be satisfied through that one thing?

For Christ-followers this is about purpose.  Our purpose enables us to make God known through whatever we do.  The Apostle Paul got this concept when he wrote in Colossians 3:23-24-

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ.

What brings you back every day?

My Barnabas

Sunday 7/27 will be a year since my friend and fellow pastor, Charlie Summey lost his battle with glioblastoma.  He was only 45 years old.  Charlie's 16-month battle with this vicious brand of cancer was heroic.  He knew he had a death sentence and eventually ceased treatment opting for palliative care and the desire to die with dignity.  His final months showed us how to live.

We shared calling, second-career ministers, the same oncologists, a wicked sense of humor, books, a love for golf, all things college basketball (although our teams were foes) and a passion for broken and wounded people.  A few weeks before he was confined to bed I took him out for coffee.  I could tell he was tired and he was repeating some things, but I remember his courage and the pragmatic way he faced death as a long awaited prize.  The act of dying was not something he sought, but dying and being with Jesus was something he longed for.  He was open and direct about it.  We talked about the culmination of our faith and how much pain this world has compared to the promises we have in Christ.  He was living to die and dying to live.  I remember the tears that flowed from his eyes as he described leaving his bride, Julie and children, Becca and Adam.  He was so proud of them and loved them deep.

I still remember the late December night he called me from a Charlotte hospital saying they had found a tumor in his head.  He was classic Charlie, full of humor, honesty and faith.  I remember quoting the lyrics of a Rich Mullins song to him and praying together.  He chose that song to be sung at his life celebration service.  The next day we drove to Charlotte to see him in the Neuro ICU.

The week before I saw him at Starbucks after he had just run 5 miles!  I was about to finish my radiation treatments and the end of my cancer treatments.  We had no idea he was about to run the race of his life.  And so, "Running With Charlie," stickers and wristbands started popping up all over Greenville.  His race involved brain surgery at Duke, PT and OT rehab, chemo and radiation.

The last time I saw Charlie we watched the British Open together and shared stories of our favorite golfers.  He was weak and barely drinking water.  Before leaving and praying together he asked if I would pray for Julie and the kids.  I don't remember what I said, but I do remember holding his hand and head as we both cried through that prayer.  A week later our mutual friend, Amy called and gave me the news of his passing as I was about to speak at a church in Kentucky.  I couldn't believe it happened so soon.  He beat the national average, but the final months had flown and I simply couldn't accept it was time.

His life celebration service was Charlie to a tee, especially the jazzy version of "When the Saints Go Marchin' In".  I still miss him.  I still haven't erased his contact information from my phone.   He had been one of my strongest supporters and encouragers during my battle with cancer.  I guess deep within, despite knowing better, I thought I could encourage him and be present for his victory and one day when we were old men we would laugh about it all.

Charlie, you fought like hell.  You modeled grace, dignity, faith, transparency and grit.  I miss our chats, your jokes and funny stories.  I miss your encouragement.  You were in many ways my Barnabas.  Hold my spot bro and catch me up when I get there.  You are gone, but not forgotten and forever in our hearts!

Our Cancer Battle Song:
(Rich Mullins)
We'll sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace 

Don't Run From Your Roots

Remember where you came from!  A lot of people spend much of their life running from their family history or past.  My home and office have important reminders of my simple roots.  I don't ever want to forget that I came from simple, but honest people.  A miner's coal lamp and a lamp made from an empty bourbon bottle in my office remind me of my roots.  

 While I was born at a hospital in Louisville, Kentucky, we actually lived in a little hamlet in Nelson County called Cox's Creek.  Dad pastored a small church and we lived in a two-story parsonage near the church.  Nelson County is the home of bourbon.   Tobacco was the other big export in an area where the soil was ideal.   While an easy target of critics today, Kentucky natives know that tobacco and bourbon tax dollars built a lot of churches, schools and libraries in the Commonwealth.   Our church had many tobacco, cattle and pig farmers.  They were honest and hard working families who cared about their community and country.  Simple people who believed in God and were trying to make the world a better place by helping others.  And yes there were a few characters.

Both of my grandfathers worked in coal mines.  My maternal grandfather worked in the eastern coal mines while my paternal grandfather worked in the western mines.   If I remember correctly, I think my paternal grandfather was actually kicked out of the mines when child labor laws were passed and had to wait before he returned.  He repeatedly told my father growing up that he never wanted to catch him in a mine.  He knew how tough and dangerous mining could be and he wanted something better for Dad.  He wanted him to get a college education.  He lived long enough to see Dad get a college degree, a masters and his doctorate!  

Before he worked in the mines my maternal grandfather helped make moonshine.  Yes hooch!  Although illegal it provided an income for the poor families in the hills of east Kentucky.  He would probably laugh at all the legal moonshine distilleries popping up across the south these days.  This picture was taken of my grandfather (he is on the left) by a still.  I think my Mom said he was 18 at the time.  He went on to work in the mines and was later courted by big timber firms in the south because he could tell you anything you wanted to know about trees.  So my roots are found in coal miners and moonshiners!  For the record I've never worked in a coal mine and I've never made moonshine, but I didn't have to because their sacrifices enabled both of my parents to pursue higher education.  

I don't run from my past.  I've learned to celebrate it.  More importantly, I've come to realize just what the Apostle Paul meant when he described the past in regard to God's present work and call in our lives in 1 Corinthians:

26 My brothers, remember what you were when God chose you. Not many of you were wise by the way people look at it. Not many of you had power. Not many of you came from a family with a big name. 27 But God chose things that look foolish to the people of the world. He has used those foolish things to put the wise people to shame. God chose the weak things to put to shame the strong people. 28 And God chose the small things, things that people despise. Yes, he chose even the things which seem to be nothing. He did this to destroy the big things. 29 He did this so that people would not be proud before God.30 You are God's children through Christ Jesus. Christ came from God and made us wise. He put us right with God. He made us holy. He set us free from our wrong ways.

Every person has a unique story because it's their story.  No one else shares your exact story.  Perhaps you are one of those people that wants their past to go away.  You have spent more time trying to hide it, or get away from it.  Maybe you run in circles or associate with accomplished people your parents or formative family would've never met.  Maybe you battle a family history of abuse, addiction, or mental illness.  To be sure those are tough memories.  However, they don't have to define you.  They are simply part of who you are today.  You can even make peace with a broken past and I have a mother whose adult life is a testimony to God's incredible ability to bring transformation.  

More importantly, who are you becoming with God's grace?  Paul says that we shouldn't despise small beginnings because God uses the small, simple and humble to bring glory to His name.  Don't seek ways to cover or hide the past.  Instead, we need to ask this question in light of Paul's words:  How can we use our past to shape and inform our present and future to bring glory to God?  Now that's a question worth answering!  

Just think, one day our children, grand and great grand children will recall our history and it's impact on their life.  What are we building?  What kind of roots are we putting down for them and succeeding generations?  

Be Prepared, Be Ready

On a recent trip to Kentuckiana (Tri-state area along the Ohio River) I was able to get in some evening fishing.  I was flipping a jig in weed-laden waters and on the third cast a jumbo largemouth bass chomped on the lure.  He was about 4-5lbs., and a beauty.  As usual I released him to live to fight another day.  The small lake is behind a buddy's home and I was just playing around not expecting too much.  Right after I caught him I caught another healthy sized, but smaller bass.  Two in less than an hour!

Fishing can be feast or famine.  I can't recall the number of times we've loaded the boat, mapped out our route on a big lake and come up empty-handed after 4-6 hours.  Other times we've hit the mother load.  You can't control the response of fish.  You can create presentations and settings that make the conditions more favorable to catch fish, but unless you have dynamite you can't make the fish bite your lure.  Sometimes it's the type, or color of your lure, the pressure, temperature or color of the water.  We've had days when we slay'd fish in the pouring rain and days when the only thing we caught were a good soaking.  Again, fish determine their response and do what they do when they want.

Life is a lot like fishing.  Some days you bring in a haul of unexpected encouraging moments and other days seem to bring one challenge after another.  The key in fishing and in life is being ready.  You have to be ready to take what comes, the good and the bad.  The key is how we respond.  If I invest a half day in fishing on the lake and come up empty-handed am I going to be angry, disappointed, or frustrated?  Or, will I celebrate the fact that I got to fish with my son, or a friend?

Remember the story in the Luke's gospel when Jesus calls the first disciples?  They had been fishing all night without any success.  Jesus tells them to cast their nets to the other side.  Despite Simon Peter's protest they fish the other side and their boat is overwhelmed with a record haul of fish.   And the text says they immediately dropped their nets and followed Jesus.  Peter learned a valuable lesson that day.  Fishing with Jesus is better than fishing alone.  Life with Jesus is better than life without Him.

Life with Jesus doesn't mean less surprises, disappointments, or challenging times.  A good case could be made that they will actually increase when we follow Him.  However, life with Jesus means our response to whatever happens is more balanced.  We learn to accept what life brings and because we are prepared like a master fisherman we aren't blown away by every surprise, good or bad.

As I've aged I have come to realize that every time I get to fish it's a privilege.  It is an act of pleasure that I "get to do," instead of something I "have to do."  Regardless of the outcome (empty live-well, or a record haul of fish) I enjoy it.  Sure I have disappointing days when I miss a big fish, but I remind myself I'm fishing.  I come prepared and I am always ready to catch fish.  Maybe we need to remind ourselves more often that we "get to" live with purpose.  We can choose to respond with gratitude, or confidence because we are prepared for the journey in Christ.  So don't give up, keep trying and "cast your nets to the other side."

P.S. If you throw back always take pictures so you can validate your "fish" story!

Say "When"

When pouring a glass of sweet tea my paternal grandmother used to say, “Say when”.   For those who aren’t used to the expression it just means that you would let her know when she had poured enough tea in your glass.   Theatre, sitcoms and movies have used that phrase over the years to pull off an old, but great comedy bit resulting in an overflowing glass or wet lap because someone forgot to say, “when,” or the person pouring got distracted.  

Life can be like the glass of sweet tea.  Sometimes it fills so fast and if we don’t say, “when,” it spills over and makes a big mess.  Perhaps you are already there.  Life just keeps coming and you find yourself taking hit after hit with little, or no time to respond.  Your glass is overflowing and now it’s dripping from the table onto to the floor.  You try to clean up the mess, but it keeps raining down.  You have to know when to say “when”.   

Divorce, substance abuse, compulsive behaviors, broken relationships and, a pattern of short-term jobs, or residences can nearly always be traced to a failure to say “when”.    Human nature tends to accept more than we can handle.  Our appetites are nearly always bigger than our bellies.  So we cram more and more into our lives.  Family, work, play, physical/emotional health and even church life suffer when we keep piling more onto the pile.  

Everything has a saturation point.  Even good /healthy things can be trouble.   Believe it or not, I can golf or fish too much.  I can’t believe I just wrote that!  Seriously, those offices of relaxation can become more like work when we are so driven by them.  Even running can be bad for us when we run so much we ignore the signs of physical wear and tear, or let it rob us of time with our family, etc.   By the way, I’m in no danger on the golf pail being too full when I only play 6-8 times a year!

Summer is a great time to say, “when!”  Things tend to be slower in the summer and we can let off the gas pedal and take stock.  Check your calendar and your bank statement.  What’s occupying the most space in those areas?  Are you spending too much time, or money on something that is about to eat your lunch?  Is the glass overflowing at work because you can’t draw boundaries to protect your marriage and family?  Despite being a Marxist, Sartre nailed when he said, “We are our choices.”  Are any of your choices resulting in a glass running over and spilling onto the floor?  Say, “When!”

No Accidents!

Recently while weeding and fertilizing a bed of day-lilies and azaleas in our front yard I noticed a thick, snake-like weed protruding from the center of the bed.  I was just about to pull it up when I saw two small yellow flowers hidden under the lilies whose blooms had already come and gone.  As I moved the "weed" from under the lilies I could see a vine with big green leaves.  This was no ordinary weed.

K-boom!  I realized what the "weed" was and how it got there.   This was the result of my laziness last November.  Last fall my wife decorated our front porch with some pumpkins and I was supposed to dump them in the woods behind the house in late November, but I just let them sit in the azalea & day-lilie bed until they eventually disappeared.  So now we have pumpkins growing in the front yard!  A friend had the audacity to ask if I was going allow it to continue growing in the front yard.  Of course I am!  

Sometimes unintended consequences can be the biggest blessing.  If I had tossed the rotted pumpkins in the woods I probably would've never seen these results.  Now I've got the chance to grow pumpkins for the grands!  Have you ever experienced a blessing that was the result of a mistake, or unintended action? 

Three women in Scripture come to mind in this regard.  Isaac's mother, Sarah; Samuel's mother, Hannah and Mary, the mother of Christ.  All three women were surprised by something beyond their control.  All three were involved in childbirth miracles.  Each child brought blessing to their mothers and God.

My mother often reminds me that I was one of those unintended blessings!  All my life I knew I was an "oops" baby.  My parents lost a baby girl (Karen Lynn) several years after the birth of my older sister, Tracy.  I was not on the radar after my parents had buried their days-old daughter.  But God had different plans and I came along two years later.  One of the most affirming moments of my life came just a couple of years ago during my cancer treatment!  I was on the phone with my Mom and she recounted the day of my birth.  She told me how she didn't want me (the idea of another child so soon after burying an infant), but upon giving birth to me they placed me in her arms and she said she said, "at that moment you were MINE and I wanted you more than ever!" I don't have to tell you how that made me feel as a 50-year old man!  Never pass up the opportunity to affirm your children, regardless of their age!   The affirmation of a parent is a powerful thing.

God doesn't make mistakes!  How many times have we seen Him bring beauty from ashes, or joy from pain and miracles from our mistakes?  So the next time you realize, or receive an unplanned/unintended blessing celebrate what God has done, or allowed to happen.   And by the way,  according to the Apostle Paul you are no accident:

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.  God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.  So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. (Ephesians 1:4-6 NLT)

Angels Around Us!

There is a verse in the New Testament that has always fascinated me.  Ok, so there are hundreds of verses that fascinate me, but this one always makes me stop and consider how I  treat people that I don't know.  It's  Hebrews 13:2---

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (ESV)

Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it! (NLT)

Imagine mistreating an angel of God through our speech, attitude, and actions?  Of course if we knew in advance that we were going to meet an an angel most of us would probably change our behavior, speech, attention, etc., upon meeting them.  But that's the whole point!  As Christ-followers we should treat EVERYONE we encounter with respect, kindness, gentleness and humility.  But we don't, do we?

Sometimes we are short or curt with people we meet whether intended, or not.  Others we hardly see because we are in a such a hurry with our self-consumed agendas that we move right past them.  Some people don't look, or act like "our kind" of people so we cross the street, or get out of the store quickly to avoid them.

But Scripture doesn't give us a pass on treating people differently because of their skin color, accent, sexual orientation, beliefs, background, marital status, gender, how they are dressed, or income level.  Our default is supposed to be kindness and love.  Paul calls us to give preference toward others.  In other words, we are to serve.  In fact when you consider the broader context of the Hebrews 13 passage you realize that being a Christ-follower means we owe a debt of love to others:

Let brotherly love continue.  Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.  Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.  (Heb. 13:1-3)

In Jesus parable of judgment in Matthew 25:35-40 we are reminded that whenever we help the broken and wounded we are caring for Jesus:

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcome me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.....Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." (Matthew 25:35-36, 40)

So the next time you are asked to help a stranger in need, or see someone in trouble think twice before walking away, or turning your back because you might have the opportunity to serve an angel, or the very Son of God!

Move the Fence, Or.....?

Years ago our neighbor was selling his house.  In the process of the sale, surveyors discovered that a privacy fence in our backyard was two inches inside his property line.  We didn't put the fence up.  It was already up when we bought the house.  This fence was in the back of our yard's and it was not visible from the road.  There was a retention pond on the back side of the fence.   It separated his backyard waste area (garbage cans, compost pile, etc.) from mine.

I remember his attorney told us that he could deed/rent the two inches to us for $1 per year while maintaining ownership of the property.  The attorney was trying to find a simple solution.  I will never forget when the neighbor came over and asked me to move the 10-year old wooden privacy fence that was already rotting in spots!

At the time I couldn't afford to replace the fence so I had to pay a guy to physically move the fence (8 ft. high and 12-15 ft. long) back three inches.  As the work was being done I couldn't help, but think how much energy and money was wasted on a 10-year old fence.  I have often wondered what I would've done if the fence had been on my property?  Would I have demanded he move it, or would I have let it go?

Hear me out.  There was nothing wrong with the decision our neighbor made.  He was well within his right and was trying to consider the new home owner.  I wasn't mad, or even upset about it.  I was more puzzled than anything.  My neighbor was a retired aeronautical engineer and his whole life was black and white.  He was very linear in his reasoning and I have no doubt that this was the most logical decision from his worldview.

Ever felt like the church, or your company spends more time on things like moving a 10-year old fence 3 inches?  Like my neighbor, it may be perfectly logical and make the most sense, but is it the best thing to do?  Is it something to which we need to devote significant time, energy and resources?  It's like complaining about the need for new carpet in the worship area when young adults are AWOL from the church.  In other words, are we spinning our wheels on what really counts?  Worn carpet may be a legitimate concern, but chances are there's a bigger reason why young adults and their children are AWOL.  Perhaps a focus shift would be something to consider.  There's probably a good chance if you focus on changes that need to be made in order to reach young adults the carpet issue will get resolved.  Or, you can change the carpet and smile about it as young couples (or customers in the business world) go elsewhere.  #focusonwhatmatters

USGA Please Apologize!

The USGA crossed the line in its "heavyweight pairing" at the 114th U.S. Open in Pinehurst, NC.  The threesome includes Brendon de Jonge, Shane Lowry and Kevin Stadler.  All three golfers are 225+ lbs.  They are big men and very good golfers.  I'd like to have any of their golf talent.

What's the next creative pairing? Bald players?  Short players?  Those with tattoos?  Players who wear tight pants?  Visors only?  Skin color?  You get the idea.  I guarantee if pairings were made by grouping players according to race, or sexual orientation there would be massive and major backlash.  And there should.  But why is this different?There's an old rule and as "stewards of the game," the USGA needs to be reminded of it:  Never attack, tease, or point out a persons physical features.  The USGA owes the threesome an apology.  It's not cute.  For anyone who battles weight, baldness, has a large nose, etc., it hurts.  Even when we try to rise above such sophomoric humor it still hurts.

Someone in my church used to regularly comment on my baldness.  It wasn't funny.  It hurt.  And it's a joke nearly everyone affirms unless they are bald, overweight, etc.  Since cancer I still battle the "steroid weight" I put on during treatment.  I know more than anyone else that I could stand to lose 25-30lbs.  A year after treatment I was attending a funeral out of state.  A woman who hadn't seen me in years actually said:  "You've gotten fat!"  Those were her first words, I'm not kidding.  I wanted to say, "Well I see you are still wearing the same old wig."  But I didn't.  I smiled and thought about calling her out, but a funeral home isn't the place and I wasn't about to do to her what she had just done to me publicly.

Why do we feel it's okay to poke fun, or make light of someone's physical features?   Humor at the expense of others is simply sarcasm.    It's mean and it's not okay!  Treat your neighbors the way you want to be treated.  I've yet to meet anyone that wants to be the target of jokes, sarcasm, or wise-cracks.

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. - Matthew 7:12

U.S. Open #114

Let the games begin at the 114th U.S. Open!  Thursday, June 12th through Sunday, June 15th at Pinehurst No. 2.   Will Lefty finally complete the grand slam of majors?  Will Rory bounce back from a shaky start to the season?  Is Bubba's game plan of focusing on the two shot and long approaches the right mix for an overhauled Pinehurst?  Is it time for Bill Haas who played college golf up the road at Wake Forest?  Can Kuuuuuuuch get his first major?  Here we go golf fans, scratcher's and hackers!

Shared Vision

Winning companies, teams, organizations and churches share something in common.  They are focused on a mission/vision that transcends the entire organization.  Nothing gets in the way of the corporate mission/vision.  While they are not immune to daily challenges and stumbling blocks one thing is constant, the mission/vision defines their organizational DNA.  Every action plan, strategy, branding and emphasis flow through the mission/vision template.  Results are always defined by their impact on the mission/vision.

It doesn't matter if an employee, player, or member can't recite the corporate vision or mission statement verbatim because even if they can't, they articulate the essence of it.  For example, let's say a plumbing company claims "Customers First," as its vision and mission.  Their corporate mission/vision statement is three sentences long.  A plumber comes to your house to work under a sink and while he's down there you ask him what's the focus of his company.  He responds:  "We love our customers and we want to be called back so everything we do is about meeting their needs and making sure they are pleased with the results of every service call."  Okay, so he didn't recite the formal mission statement and maybe he can't even remember it, but he gets it.  He sees the big picture.  Everything he does on the job is about satisfying the customer so they become repeat customers.  

The heart and intent of the mission is more important than the ability to dot the I's and cross "T's.  What difference does it make if everyone can recite the corporate vision/mission, but are unable to put flesh on it?  Take the Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount for example.  I'm not as concerned about a persons ability to recite them as much as I am their ability to embody them.  If they are pursuing righteousness, practicing humility,  cultivating a pure heart and attempting to be peacemakers I'd say there's a pretty good chance they get it.  This was Jesus' whole argument with the Pharisees.  They knew the scriptures forward and backward, but they failed to practice them.  They missed the heart of the Law because they were focused on the letter of the Law.  

There is a common thread among troubled churches, losing teams and failing companies.  They have lost sight, or forgotten their vision and mission.  Perhaps it was never identified and leadership never sold it, or team members never owned it.  Whatever the case, peel back the layers and you'll find they are not united in mission and purpose.  Division, disagreement, personal agendas and critical or cynical attitudes are corporate cancer-causing agents.  When the majority are focused, sold out and committed the critics are exposed and eventually filtered out.  The "Negative Nancy's/Nick's" will be exposed because no one is allowing their junk to derail the team.  When they don't get a soapbox, or sympathetic ear these "little picture" types usually move on to the next company, church, team, etc.

This doesn't mean there is no discussion, or disagreement within the organization, or company.  Quite the contrary.  Vision and mission focused teams are often fiery kilns of debate, disagreement and discussion.  They get better by sharpening one another.  But at the end of the day they can put aside personal/petty issues for the greater mission.  They have bought into being part of something bigger than themselves.

It takes strong, creative leadership to maintain this kind of focus and keep things fresh.  Ego is usually on a lower shelf because these leaders encourage feedback, discussion, debate and the sharing of new ideas even if it's not their own.  The vision/mission is more important to them than personal success.   They promote and praise team members for their service, ideas and work.  Loyalty and commitment is a natural byproduct of such affirmation from leadership.   These leaders have high hopes and dreams, but they don't try to control everything.  They know people don't flourish when they are held hostage by micromanagement, or a repetitive cycle of worthless meetings.  They want to be in the loop and have input, but they don't micromanage their people.  They hired team members to do their job so they make sure they aren't in the way.  These leaders embrace the role of chief cheerleader.  They believe a primary part of their calling is to regularly promote the vision/mission to clients, members, and customers.  Like farmers tending crops these leaders know that nothing can get in the way of regularly tending to the vision.  Otherwise weeds of distraction will take over the garden.

As I reflect on my leadership history I can recall seasons of passionate focus.  I can also remember times when I dropped the ball.  Distractions from within and outside the organization got the best of me.  And many times those distractions were well-intended and even good things, but they weren't the right thing for the moment.  It's not always negative people, or attitudes that impedes vision.  Vision can be derailed by good things and people.  Organizational culture loses traction when we fail to hold up the vision/mission above all else.  And once vision is blurred it's hard to maintain clarity.  

The Wrong Questions

Recently a pastor friend was in the search process with a denominational church in the Midwest.  Typically after reviewing candidate resumes a search team that is not using a minister search firm will send the first group of screened candidates a questionnaire, request a statement of faith, and/or a written statement of their views on ministry and leadership.  Wise churches might include a personality profile and team assessment in the next step to see if they are a "fit" for their team and church.  References, criminal background and financial credit reports are usually in the last stage of the process.

My friend received the questionnaire and gave me permission to share some of them anonymously in this blog.  The “who” is not important and would serve no purpose except to bring harm to my friend, or the specific church.  The “what” is far more important and provides clear insight into how some search teams screen candidates and the criteria they use.

There were 20+ questions.  The first two dealt with denominational loyalty.  In other words it would appear that denominational fidelity is far more important to them than fidelity to Christ and the historic Christian doctrines.  I promise this is real.  You can't make this stuff up.  So here is a sampling of some of the most revealing questions unedited in their order on the form:
3.  What are your views on abortion?
4.  Please share your views and beliefs about homosexuality.
5.  Do you pledge allegiance to our national flag? _____yes  _____no
6.  What are your views concerning gambling?  The lottery?  Have you ever played a       
      lottery?
7.  What are your views on Genesis 1-11?
13. Who can become a deacon?  Only married men?  What about single men?
14. Describe your view of women’s role in church.
15. What are your views on couples living together but not married?  Can they become 
      members?  Can they have roles in the church?
20. Are there any felonies or misdemeanors in you or your wife’s life?

Now to be fair, questions 8-12 dealt with theological issues (infallibility of Scripture, views on the resurrection, the Parousia, tithing, Virgin Birth, etc.  The remainder dealt with preaching style, approach to missions and conflict resolution.

At least this search team is transparent about what they want and don’t want.  That’s about as positive a spin I can put on it.  It’s not that these questions are necessarily bad, it’s what they communicate about the church and less about a candidate.  This has fundamental- legalism written all over it!  To use a gambling analogy (how’s that for some fun?) it’s a “tell”.  In poker, players look for mannerisms and facial expressions of their fellow players to see if they can “tell” when they are bluffing, or have a loaded hand.  This search team has a loaded hand.  They are more interested in compliance, rules and legalistic issues than they are the heart, personality and spiritual gifts of the candidate and their relationship with Christ. 

Seriously, they are actually asking:  “Do you pledge allegiance to our national flag?”  I am as red, white and blue as anyone (two flags are flying right now outside my house!), but you are asking this question when our Savior was a Palestinian-born, dark-skinned, Aramaic-speaking Jew?  Forgive me, but I can’t recall the last time a member of the Taliban, PLO, or, a member of a group hostile to the United States applied for a senior pastor position within a Protestant church in America.  Translation: we worship the flag and the government as much as we do Jesus.  It’s called “civil religion,” and it’s dangerous.  It's nationalism gone idolatrous.  Remember when ancient Israel practiced it?  The Scriptural outcome of elevating any country’s government/citizenship above faithful obedient righteousness to God is well documented.  Let me state it again for those who read Scripture through the lens of the red, white and blue:  I love my country.  I am a proud citizen.  I vote.  I pray for and support our troops.  I respect the elected authorities God has placed over us.  But I do not worship my country.  There’s a huge and important difference.  Okay, enough said on that point. 

Wouldn’t you love to ask this search team how the homosexuals in their church feel about question #4?  Statistically it would be rather naïve to assume there are no gay members, but for the sake of this argument let’s say there aren’t any.  What about the gay children, relatives, neighbors and co-workers of the members?  Ouch!  Translation: We are anti-gay.  I don’t dispute the Scriptures they would cite on covenant marriage and God’s intentions for marriage, or sexual purity, but wouldn’t you rather hear how a pastoral candidate ministers and witnesses to persons hostile or indifferent to the gospel?  How do they build intentional relationships like Jesus did with known sinners (many caught in sexual sin) and model grace? 

I could go on and on, but search teams need to know that pastors read between the lines.  For example, if there are several questions related to church conflict, etc., you can bet this congregation has a history of it and it’s most likely unresolved.  Or, when someone asks about office hours and being available in the office it tells you they do not want their pastor living in the culture, building relationships and networking to find ways to minister and reach the culture.  Instead, it’s about their access and ability to grab the pastor whenever they want.  It’s about control.  By the way, not only did Jesus have no place to lay His head, but His office was totally mobile. 

Wonder how many of their members bet a dollar on the NCAA March Madness bracketology, or play a slot machine on a cruise, buy lottery tickets, or play in the local golf course’s weekly “money game”?  Or better yet gamble and risk every time they buy stock, or mutual funds?  How many on the search team have been charged with a moving traffic violation, or something far more serious?  Do you see the insane and contradictory nature of this stuff?  It’s like saying:  “We are totally against homosexuality and will not stand for it, but oh yeah we use software and computers by companies that provide benefits for domestic partners!” 

As a PK I’ve always been partial to the question on tithing.  So many times I’ve wanted to say:  “I will be happy to provide a copy of my annual charitable giving on my tax returns for the last 10 years if every person on the search team/elders will provide theirs.“  Shouldn't a candidate have the right to know if they are going to be serving leaders who tithe too?

Let me suggest just a few great beginning questions for any search team to ask candidates:

1. Tell us your faith story and what God is doing in your life and ministry right now. 
2. How do you feed your soul?  Provide examples of how you are growing, being challenged, corrected and nurtured in your relationship with Jesus.
3. How are you modeling the grace of God in a sometimes, hostile culture?  Give an example of a current relationship you are building in this area.
4. What is God teaching you about reaching, ministering and relating to people who are hurting, broken and are not Christ-followers? Be specific.
5. What would you consider one of your most joyful and rewarding experiences in pastoral ministry?  Be specific.  And what would you consider your most humbling experience in pastoral ministry? 
6. In the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke’s gospel who do you most identify with as you reflect on your pastoral journey:  the younger son, or the elder brother?
7. How do you affirm, nurture and express your love to your spouse and children?  Please be specific.   Would your spouse, or children’s answers to this question be different than yours?  If so, please explain.
8. When is the last time you emptied trash, cleaned a toilet, mopped a floor, set up chairs, or vacuumed at your church facility?  (hint: gets to servant attitude)
9. You can only pick one:  Is a pastor predominately a:  counselor; teacher/preacher; servant; shepherd; overseer; or CEO; Explain your top choice.  

I guarantee candidates would salivate to receive such questions.  It shows intentionality and a hunger for the most important things.  Trust me, the criminal background check, credit report and their references (also the secondary one’s cultivated from the one’s they provide) will provide more than you need to know on the legalistic stuff.  We are the church and we better make soul care, tending, growth, nurture, missions, ministry and reaching the culture a top priority of our conversations about leadership and direction, not loyalty to a denomination, flag, or abortion.  Single-minded people and search teams have tunnel vision and wise is the candidate who runs away and runs fast!  Our calling is too important and time too urgent to play these games when there are so many authentic faith communities seeking authentic, servant-leaders.   

   

By the way, my friend’s response was humorous, pointed and oozed grace.  I guarantee they totally missed it, tossed his name out and moved on to the most compliant of candidates!  That’s a shame because they missed one of the best leaders I know.