Thoughts and Prayers For Amy Mickelson

Amy Mickelson, wife of PGA golfer, Phil Mickelson was diagnosed with breast cancer last week.  Once again, cancer proves to be no respecter of professions, gender, socioeconomic background, race, or occupation.  

Amy, you and Phil are in our thoughts and prayers.  Be strong and know that many are praying for you and thinking about you!  And when you are ready share with us so we can learn from your journey as others have before you like the Dravecky's, Azinger's, Swayze's, and Lance Armstrong, Robin Roberts, Farrah Fawcett, both of baseball great Ken Griffey Jr's parent's and so many others.   May their stories and others provide help, comfort, and encouragement.  And may the knowledge that every day thousands of people in the U.S. alone (most of them relatively unknown and anonymous folks who live out of the spotlight) fight this battle and make this journey with great dignity, courage, hope, faith and humor.  May you as well!     

Go to the Golf Channel  for more on Amy's story.  

Old & New Friends

Everyone needs an old friend.  Old friends are trusted, like your favorite leather coat.  They are well worn, know your wrinkles, creases and imperfections.  You don't have to prove yourself to old friends. They love you despite your flaws. You have traveled miles together.  

You don't ask a new friend to drive with you for several hours to go to the doctor and then sit while you have a procedure and have them drive home while you try to recover and relax.   The picture (top) above is my old friend, Dan.  We have traveled many miles together and we have many more to go.  Dan and I serve together on staff at Mosaic.  He drove me home from Wake Forest after my post-surgery exam and the removal of my ureteral stent, agh.  Now that's a real friend!  It seemed so appropriate that he be there since he was with me when they discovered my tumor in February.  I go back in six-weeks to see if my reconstructed ureter is working. Dan has covered most of the pastoral duties at MCF, during my two-month, medical absence.  He's taught me a great deal about ministry and left some big shoes to fill upon my return.  We're as different as night and day, but somehow we click.  We're kindred spirits.  He makes me laugh and his passion for the things of God stretches me.  I'm so grateful that God brought Dan, Kelly and Jake in my life.  

The big guy in the picture on the bottom is my new friend, Hogan.  He's a six year-old, American bulldog with the blood pressure of an anvil.  He's one laid back bully.  Even though he's a new friend, Hogan has shown me unconditional love since we met.  His gentle nature, constant presence and always eager greeting is like my old leather jacket---it's consistent, reassuring and provides me great comfort.  I'm looking forward to traveling many more miles with Hogan.   I hope he finds as much comfort in his new friend as I have in him.  

Everyone needs old friends and new ones.  Is there an old friend you need to call, write, email or visit today?  Do it and don't hesitate because time is short.  Made any new friends lately? Don't close yourself off to new possibilities.  Give yourself to something larger than you.  Yes, it's risky, but you'll be amazed at how much you learn from new friends and the ways God can use you to minister.  Yes, I have some new human friends too, but we're still building trust and the last thing I would do is to post their picture, or story in a blog!  Grateful for old and new friends, how bout you? 

Lord of the Dance

I am:

• Blessed  
• Humbled  
• Grateful 
• Thankful   
• Praising God   
• Unworthy
• A Miracle
• Broken  
  
• Awed

Why?  Because Tuesday evening my oncologist from Wake Cancer Center called to tell me that the final pathology of my two tumors was "polyclonal" NOT "monoclonal" (as originally suspected), which means NO lymphoma.  She continued and said that the recent CT scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis showed nothing in my lymph nodes.  And the blood work taken last week came back "low normal" on the screening specifically for cancer.  If she said it once, she said it twice, "This is very reassuring."  Indeed!  Praise God!

For weeks we have gone back and forth with test results, surgery recovery, and the doctors' belief that I had lymphoma based on the initial pathology.  We have waited and waited for calls, labs, scans and pathology reports.  Each call left us hanging on another test or result.  No resolution, until now.  Thanks be to God.  And to her credit, my partner in life's dance, whose prayer life puts mine to shame, repeatedly stated that she did not believe I had cancer.  She never gave up hope even when word came back to the contrary.  I was not so optimistic and had resigned myself to the doctors' initial assessment and reports.  She heard them but did not accept them.  No, she wasn't in denial.  She was IN prayer.  

Teri is the strongest woman I know. Her quiet strength is a testimony to her deep and abiding faith in Christ.  Amazingly, just before my tumors were discovered and surgery imminent, she was diagnosed with her own serious health issue.  She never wavered.  She just prayed harder and became even more committed to doing whatever it took to face the next day, whatever it held.  I only hope I can be as strong, supportive and comforting as she has been for me.  As Jack Nicholson's character said of Helen Hunt's in one of his movies, "She makes me want to be a better man."  You do honey, you do!

In his posthumously published book, "Turn My Mourning Into Dancing," Henri Nouwen stated: Gratitude in its deepest sense means to live life as a gift to be received thankfully.  And true gratitude embraces all of life: the good and the bad, the joyful and the painful, the holy and the not-so-holy.  We do this because we become aware of God's life, God's presence in the middle of all that happens."  Henri is right.  Life is indeed a precious gift.  This journey has made me more aware of that gift than ever before.  

Nouwen again, For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls up gently up to stand and invites us to dance.  We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did, "You have turned my mourning into dancing" (Ps. 30:11), because at the center of our grief we find the grace of God.

I don't know what you're facing right now, but let me encourage you to join the dance.  It's not complicated.  Theology and religion seem to make it more difficult.  Simply put, the Lord of this dance died so we could know Him fully and live life more abundantly.  He's just waiting for you to join the dance.  He's no stranger to pain, heartache, pain, suffering and mourning.  The dance doesn't make trouble or heartache disappear, but it's loaded with grace-filled moments that remind us we are not alone.  It enables us to invite others to dance where we meet them in their pain.  And in those moments pain is shared and joy is doubled.  C'mon, let's dance!  

Praise be to the God of all comfort!

P.S. Happy 18th birthday to our baby, Sarah, the prettiest girl at the dance on Mother's Day weekend!

Wash Your Hands!

A trip to a recent PGA tour event prompted some impromptu research in personal hygiene.   While waiting in line inside a small men's restroom, I couldn't help but notice that half the men washed their hands after leaving the stall and half did not. My observation played out in more than one trip to the facilities. YUCK!  

Think about it.  If my statistics bear out and I think they do----50% of the men who left that restroom and used the public ketchup, mustard, and relish dispensers in the concessions area did not wash their hands.  Now that will make you think twice about loading up your hot dog.  Half the men who shook hands with a golf pro inside in the ropes (and many did between holes), or gave the pro a pen to autograph their pairing sheet or yardage book did not wash their hands.  Half the men who held a door open, or touched a seat on the shuttle buses to the parking area did not wash their hands.  Okay, I think you get the idea.  

From the 2006 Minnesota Department of Health's "Hand-washing Toolkit" come these statistics:  American Society of Microbiology studies showed

• 97% of females and 92% of males say they wash
  • of these only 75% females and 58% males washed
• 50% of middle and high school students say they wash
  • of these 33% of females and only 8% of males used soap while washing hands

In this day and age when every public restroom has a little sticker on the mirror, or wall stating that employees are to wash their hands, it's hard to believe there are still people who choose to consciously spread their filthy germs.  It's either arrogance or ignorance.  I'm guessing it's more of the former and less of the latter.  

Statistics repeatedly show that women are better about this matter than men. Now here's a scary thought, what if these statistics are the same for employees in the food industry?  Even if it's 25% better, that would mean there are 25% of the males serving and preparing food who aren't washing their hands after going to the restroom, eating, smoking, drinking or wiping a sweaty brow.  Ugh.  Makes you want to run out and order a meal doesn't it? 

Hand washing is one of the easiest ways to prevent the spread of dangerous germs that can cause influenza, diarrhea, and a host of other health concerns.  It's simple and takes very little time.  Guys, it's time to pony up to the sink and use the soap dispenser and wash.  If the swine flu or bird flu ever becomes a pandemic we will wish we had done a better job in this area.  No this isn't the rant of an obsessive compulsive.  However, it is a rant for children, pregnant women, the elderly and those with cancer, or conditions with a compromised immune system.  It's time we all took this simple, thoughtful, self-less task more seriously.  Someone's life or health is depending on it.  

More Waiting

More waiting, this time at Wake Forest University Cancer Center on Monday.  The Cancer Center is amazing.  It has a hospitality room with coffee, soft drinks, and munchies for patients and their family.  CT Scans, radiology, treatment rooms and labs are all located in the Cancer Center, which eliminates any dependence upon the main hospital. A caring counselor comes to your exam room and offers her availability and listening ear whenever you need it on your journey.  Other patients/clients are encouraging and helpful.  The staff is extremely friendly, courteous and helpful.  From a patient perspective the organizational culture is a "team" approach with the emphasis being placed on the patient/client and their family.  What a concept in this era of McHospitals and corporate medicine who appear to be more concerned about getting payment than anything else.  

 

We met with the oncologist/hematologist and she ordered additional CT scans and specific blood work.  We await those results for confirmatory reports before we make another move. My doctor knows her stuff and she is cautious.  I like her approach.  Meanwhile we continue to marvel at the organizational culture and staff attitudes at WFUBMC and North Carolina Baptist Hospital.   Since going to Wake, with every biopsy, procedure, labs, scans,  surgery, and doctor appointments, I have never felt like a "number".   It makes a big difference!  There are some hospitals and doctors offices who could learn a lot by just spending a day with these caring and gifted professionals.   

So we continue to wait on the cancer labs, and we pray that my re-sectioned ureter will work on its own when the stent is removed later this month.  The alternative is major surgery to create a ureter, but we can't get ahead with worry so we leave the future in God's sovereign hands.  We started praising Him from the beginning of this journey and we will continue.  He has been ever faithful.  In the words of the Apostle Paul, "Praise be to the God of all comfort!"  

Waiting

Seems like I’ve spent a great deal of my life waiting.  I’ve waited for:

• The car being repaired
  
• Voting in the presidential election
• Food to be prepared in a restaurant
• My kids to get out of practice/rehearsal
• The cable guy
• Something important in the mail
• Grades
• The dentist
• An appliance to be delivered
• Families of church members having surgery
• Funerals
• Weddings
• Any number of department store check out lines

You get the idea.  All of us wait for something or someone.  Some of us wait more than others.  I suppose I should mention the Brad Paisley video/song, “Waiting on a Woman,” that features Andy Griffith.  However, I’m blessed with a spouse who is never late and always early! 

Recently an old friend and I have been waiting together on the next step in our respective medical journeys.  Neither of us is afraid, or worried about our ultimate diagnosis and respective treatment plans.  That’s not to say we’re excited about it either, but we have peace about the future.  We do worry about the toll this is taking on our wives and children. But both of us resoundingly agree that waiting is the toughest part of any struggle or trial.  Waiting for lab reports.  Waiting for CT scan results.  Waiting on pathology reports.  Waiting on the surgery, or oncology consult.  Waiting for treatment or surgery to begin.  Waiting for the doctor to call.  Waiting, waiting, waiting and more waiting.

One problem with waiting is that it gives Satan an open door.  The master deceiver loves to use times of silence against Christ-followers during a crisis.  One of his strongest weapons is doubt.  Other choice tools he uses are anxiety, worry and fear.  He counts on these times to sow seeds of doubt about God, His presence and faithfulness, and our trust in Christ.  Paul has given us some solid advice on dealing with the enemy in Ephesians 6.   Paul has also given us another “go to passage” to thwart Satan’s attacks of doubt, worry and fear. 

My friend’s sister (Judy) recently shared it this Scripture promise with him when he was in one of those waiting times.  It’s from 2 Corinthians 10:5b-“and take every thought captive to be obedient to Christ.”  My friend and I are making sure that we are giving every thought to Christ, so even if Satan sneaks one by it won’t matter.  By holding our thoughts captive to Christ, we put Him in charge of weeding out any thoughts that conflict with His will and way for our life.  In other words, we let Christ take care of Satan.  Remember, Christ has already defeated Satan on our behalf.   When we give every thought to Christ in an attempt to be obedient, God takes care of the ones from Satan.  We don’t have to worry about them because we are surrendering every thought to Him.  

If you’re in the Waiting Room, and believe me I know what it’s like, focus on Christ.  Give Him your thoughts, affections, praise, adoration, attention, complaints and struggles.  When I focus on Christ things in my life flow better.  Oh, the problems, pain, and struggle are still there, but suddenly they aren’t the focus of life, He is.  May it be so for all who seek Him in the silence! 

P.S. David you are in my thoughts and prayers as you face medical unknowns.  Remember, as we've shared many times, God is already ahead and nothing, absolutely nothing takes Him by surprise.  Thanks for making my waiting and journey lighter. You are a treasured brother in Christ!

 

What Do You Say to Someone Who Has Cancer?

Everyone knows someone with cancer. Whether it's a family member or friend, all of us are touched by the disease. I'm learning that many people don't know how to respond, or what to say to someone with cancer. Here's ten suggested do's/don'ts.

1. Don't ask "how are you feeling?" It's too cliche'. It's become the default question for anyone with a serious illness. Some say it because they don't know what else to say. It's not for lack of sincerity. However, after you hear it 10-20 times a day you begin to wish people could be more creative. Say something like:

• Are you tired?
• How are the treatments going? What's the next step?
  
• What are you learning from cancer? Anything that will help me on my journey?
• Are you anxious about anything?
• I'm praying for you.

2. Don't say you are praying, or your going to pray if you're not. A lie is a lie even with the best of intentions.

3. Don't speak slowly and louder like you are talking to a senior adult who has lost their hearing and has dementia. You'd be amazed at the number of people who actually do this without realizing it.

4. Do ask if there is a need or area of struggle and how you might help.

5. Do laugh if he/she cracks a joke or uses humor to describe their cancer journey even if its seems inappropriate or out of place. Humor is great therapy.

6. Don't feel like you have to say anything. Just sitting with, holding a hand, sharing a hug, or sending a hand-written note, a phone call/message, or an email means more than you know. Funny cards and emails can really brighten an otherwise down day.

7. Do offer to pick the person up and take them to lunch, a park, a walk, or a ride anywhere to just get them out of the house and provide a mental, or emotional break from cancer. Cancer does not define us, but it's always there like a stray cat that keeps coming to your back porch. Getting a break is great medicine.

8. If you live away from the person with cancer make a donation in their name to the cancer society, or your local non-profit cancer center. Buy and wear a yellow, "Live Strong" Lance Armstrong Foundation bracelet supporting cancer research and education. Visit the cancer unit of your hospital, or volunteer one day a week or month.

9. Don't avoid the person with cancer. It's tough when someone you know, or your age gets cancer. Suddenly you are reminded of your own mortality, and though it's unintentional, silence can be a form of denial. Your friend, or family members just need to hear from you. And don't assume they are being bombarded by people. Make contact even if you have to leave a message. Those messages are like an oasis in a parched desert.

10. Don't tell them about your Aunt Molly, or brother who had the same kind of cancer, or another type. Comparing cancer diagnosis and treatment is like comparing pregnancies. While there are similarities, no two cancer patients are the same because no two humans are the same. By all means ask about their treatment, doctors and regimen, but unless you work in oncology or hematology leave the stories to the experts.

Still taking one day at a time and savoring each day as a gift from God. Redeem the time folks! Romans 12:12