Have I Made a Difference?

Prescript: This is not the melancholy ramblings of a life of regret. It’s simply an honest reflection. Some will not like it, some will be challenged and a few may even take delight in the personal shortcomings and admissions. I hope those are fewer than greater.

This is probably the most difficult question any human can answer, let alone a Christ-follower. It’s hard to look in the mirror, or flip through the memory bank of your mind and honestly answer this penetrating question. It’s similar to asking “Have I pleased you Lord with my life?” Or, “How do you know you’ve followed the will of God in your calling?”

Such questions are good for the heart, mind and soul. They force us to look deep within and question our motives, intent and desire. My current life verse from Psalm 37:4 (“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”) is along the same lines. Most of us would like to interpret it as saying that God is going to give us whatever we desire---far from it! Read it again. It says that we must “delight” ourselves in the Lord and then He will give us the desires of our hearts. In other words, put God at the top in all things and He will give us desires that are His because we are focused on Him. It means that God will change our hearts from selfish desires to Godly desires because we are putting Him at the head of life.

So am I avoiding the question? Yeah because I’m not sure I like my answer. If I’m going to be gut level honest (something that makes a lot of people real nervous, especially uptight Christians who need “perfect” answers from their leaders, or refuse to risk being vulnerable under any circumstances), I have to say: “Not much.”

I know I've made a difference in the lives of some friends and family as they have mine. But have I touched some lives and made a difference for some people, churches, and organizations I’ve been privileged to serve? I’m sure I’ve made a small contribution along the way, but if I’m going to be real honest, I’d have to say I’ve really fallen short of what God wanted, expected and intended for my life and ministry.

I think far too long I focused on producing faithful church members and denominational loyalists, instead of devoted Christ-followers. I know I often worried more about what people thought or were saying about my leadership than fulfilling God’s will. Many times I interpreted venomous, divisive, hyper-critical comments about my leadership, sermons, teaching, etc., instead of realizing that the comments were more about the person making them than me personally, even if they didn’t know it. Not to mention the constant battle those in pastoral ministry have dealing with the all too frequent, unrealistic demands and expectations placed upon them by church members or the community. Many times I’ve fought when I should’ve loved. I’ve criticized when I should have comforted. I’ve avoided people when I should have confronted. If I’m really honest I have to say there are times I’ve asked myself: “Lord, will they still like me if I do this?” Instead of asking, “Oh Father, are you pleased with what I’m doing?”

Making a difference for Christ is often interpreted or answered by pastoral types through church statistics. Wrong answer! Jesus only had 12 followers. No mega-congregation, extremely limited earthly resources, no home, and no parade of large buildings to validate His leadership or legacy. He left an empty, borrowed tomb. Yet He changed the world and nearly every life He encountered. Keep in mind some walked away from His message and many refused to follow Him. He made a big difference, so much so that peoples lives are still being affected by His teaching and ministry over 2,000 years after His physical death.

Remember Jesus’ encounter with the Rich Young Ruler in Matt. 19? Right after the man walked away Peter speaks for many of us when he says:

27Peter answered him, "We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?"
I think there have been many times as a Christ-follower I’ve been like Peter in reaction to the man who was unwilling to submit to the authority of Christ. And then I’m reminded of Jesus’ answer to Peter’s question and the rest of the disciples:

28Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

So what has this transparent self-examination done for me? Convinced me of the need to make an even greater attempt to live out Psalm 37:4 and focus solely on delighting in Him! May it be so, may it be so!

Postscript:
While my kids aren’t perfect, I do believe they are one earthly example of whether or not I’ve made a difference. Of all the things my wife and I have attempted and I’ve screwed up, it’s one thing we got right. Thank you Father for our kids and the people they are becoming!

Inside Heaven

"Inside the Actors Studio" has become a cult hit. The Bravo television show is seen in 80 million American homes! Since 1994 the show has featured interviews with over 200 actors, directors, producers and Hollywood celebrities. Host and show creator, James Lipton has an uncanny ability to get celebrities to share their inner most thoughts, opionions and experiences on a wide variety of topics. Lipton is the founding dean of the prestigious, Actors Studio Drama School of Pace University, which he created thirteen years ago as vice-president of the Actors Studio. It has become the largest graduate drama school in America. The popular television show is part of a class for graduate students.

If you've never watched the show it features the distinguished and dapper dressed Lipton sitting behind a table with a stack of cards. A celebrity guest is seated across from him in a chair that faces Lipton and a live audience. Above them hangs a giant screen where film or show clips are shown throughout the interview from the guest's various works in film, television or the arts. Among the 200+ guests has been Jack Lemmon, Halle Barry, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Steven Spielberg, Jodie Foster, Harrison Ford, Jane Fonda, Sally Field and many others. His guest lineup reads like a "Who's Who" of the film and entertainment industry.

At the end of each interview Lipton asks a set of 10 questions. The ten questions by journalist Bernard Pivot that Lipton asks every guest are:

What is your favorite word?
What is your least favorite word?
What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?
What turns you off?
What sound or noise do you love?
What sound or noise do you hate?
What is your favorite curse word?
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
What profession would you not like to do?
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Lipton was recently interviewed on NBC's Today Show concerning his new book. When asked the final question about heaven he replied: "You see James you were wrong, I do exist, but I'm going to let you in anyway."

As Christ-followers we believe heaven and God are very real so it's not a stretch to believe, but have you ever thought about what you would like to hear God say upon your arrival? Perhaps God will say something like this: "Welcome home. You're here because my Son loved you so much that He paid the price to make this possible for you (1 John 3:16; John 14:6). He's been busy preparing this place as He promised (John 14:2). I've had you and this day in mind since I laid out the very foundations of the earth (2 Tim. 2:19). Nothing can take this away from you, not even your imperfection and the times you disobeyed me and messed up (John 10:28). My grace has made this possible (Eph. 2:8). Welcome home!"

None of us knows for sure what God is going to say. But I think we might be so overcome with gratitude and His shining presence that we might just say, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty!" What would you like to hear God say?

The Great Pumpkin

Did you know Halloween is a rapidly becoming as popular as Christmas in terms of total retail sales? Think about it. Costumes, candy, those crazy decorations, and even Halloween themed clothing is a cash cow for retailers. Halloween was an epic event during my childhood. Much to the chagrin of legalistic, fundamental Christians it did not cause me to worship Satan or engage in witchcraft as an adult. However, I think the annual network showing of the animated "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" was nearly idoltrous in sheer viewing numbers.

My memories of Halloween are tied to pumpkins, bobbing for apples, fall festivals, hayrides, going to the apple orchard, changing leaves, wild costumes, bonfires and candy. Yes tons of candy. And did I forget to mention church? I'm sure that did not play well in some uptight quarters. Rewind: And did I forget to mention church?

Yes, I actually remember the members of our church gathering to host a haunted house and putting on one of the coolest Halloween festivals. No one thought to call it "Fall Festival" or "Trunk or Treat", or some other alternative named cooked up by some well-meaning, but misguided people with way too much time on their hands. Since I'm remembering this from childhood, it was larger than life. The child in me remembers Christ-followers simply having fun, laughing and carrying on. It showed me at an early age that the church could not only be the source of spiritual inspiration, but also a source of great joy.

If memory serves me right the baseball playoffs and World Series were long over by Halloween back then. We could only wish that were so today. Football is the sport of choice for the season. They say (still don't know who "they" is) the pumpkin patches are lighter this year due to the drought. Produce experts say we'd be better off going to a produce market or grocery to purchase the annual giant orange ball.

As I've grown older my passion for Halloween has waned greatly and shifted to a passion for Fall foliage. It appears the drought is affecting that one this year too. Enjoy the cool nights, crisp mornings and what little color show the trees put on for us this year. May it remind all of us that we ARE NOT in charge. God is changing things in His creation with the annual change of seasons. Take it all in friends and redeem the time. Thank you Lord for the changing weather, colorful trees, and the opportunity to simply have fun! Our world needs more of it. So pass the candy!

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