Feeling Unholy Heading Into a Holy Week

I don’t know about you, but the Lenten season nearly always reminds me how far away I am from God. The period of reflection and soul searching is necessary, but often painful. I see my life and what Christ has for those who follow Him and I realize how often I settle for so much less.

Holy Week is rapidly approaching and my Lenten journey has exposed just how unholy I am. These 40 days of self-examination and consecration have revealed my all too human flaws. I find myself identifying with the disciples who fell asleep, not once, but twice when Jesus asked them to stay awake as He prayed the prayer of His life in the garden. (Matthew 26:36ff) Sure on this side of the Resurrection we all would like to say, “Well I would’ve stayed awake!”

Really? How many times have I fallen asleep, dropped the ball, or let Jesus down? Too many to count. How many times have I read the passage of Peter’s trifecta denial of Christ on the night He needed Him most and thought to myself: How could he? I would never abandon my Lord. And yet, I wish it were only three times like Peter. And look at all He accomplished for Christ after the Resurrection. He lived up to Christ’s restoration and carried the banner of faith unto the death of a martyr.

Now the rub. My sin and yours put Jesus on that Cross and yet, He didn’t flinch, defend, or deny. He was faithful to the end. He was an innocent lamb led to the slaughter. Driven by God’s love He did for humanity what we are incapable of doing for ourselves. He bought our freedom from sin.

As I reflect on all of this, I realize how desperate I am for Easter! We are all desperate for it. Easter grace is Jesus restoring Peter not once, but three times! (John 21)

We enter Holy Week on Sunday (4/1) and as much as I’m looking forward to its climax on Easter Sunday, I realize how much I need to dig into the Passion narratives of the Gospels and soak up every moment of that week, even the horror of that no Good Friday. I need to be reminded that one moment His followers hailed Him as King, but by weeks end they were nowhere to be found and worse, yelling, “Crucify!" I need to stand at the foot of the Cross like the Roman soldier and declare, “Truly this was the son of God." I need and want to go through that week with a longing in my heart for grace, the grace of Easter. So I remain, a flawed, imperfect trophy of God’s grace through Christ heading into the most Holy Week, but feeling like the most unholy of people.