The Season of Letting Go

It's back to school time again.  Teachers and students are returning to the daily grind of education.  On the higher education front a lot of parents have made the trek to their child's university, or college to climb stairs, unload and help set up dorm rooms.  Pardon me, that's what we called them in my day.  I should've said to set up their "suite".  As someone who has been down this road twice I can assure you that many a parent is coming home to an empty house, or at least a quieter one than the one they left now that there is one less child.

I cried in 2003 when we  dropped our son off at the University of North Florida, and again in 2009 when we said goodbye to his baby sister at Winthrop University.  But that's not a big deal for a guy who cries every time he sees the movies The Family Stone and Sleepless in Seattle!

For first time parents let me just say that it does get easier.  It's awkward at first and sooo quiet, even if you have more children at home.  It's a season of adjustment and a time of change.  Just remember that change even welcomed change takes time.  Don't expect to like it, or have it all figured out right away.  Let it come naturally and be honest about your emotions, loneliness and even the guilt you may start to feel by actually having a little more free time.   Trust me, that guilt passes real fast, LOL!

It's true that our children are always our children.  However, college is when things begin to shift from parenting to friendship.  Yes, they are still minors/dependents (tuition, car insurance, spending money, food, health insurance, etc.), but this is a season when they begin to make their own decisions and accept responsibility for life by keeping up with course work and syllabus', getting up and to class on time and deciding with whom and where they will spend their free time, among many other things.  Parents will learn to flex their wings after 18 years of nesting and the chicks are finally learning to fly solo, although that won't fully happen until they are own their own financially, but you get the idea.

I remember an incident when our son was a teenager and he was simply flexing his muscle as teenage boys are prone to do.  We had to remind him that we were his parents first and not his friends.  We had to remind him that sometimes parents have to make decisions that a friend would not.  We told him we had to be parents at the time so one day we could be friends down the road.  You see a child will not respect a parent who tries to be a best friend first and parent them second.  It just doesn't work and nearly always meets with disastrous consequences.  

On the day we left our son at UNF, I remember this like it was yesterday.  My wife took his hands and looked him in the eye and reminded him of that day when he was a freshman in high school and we told him we had to be parents first so we could be friends later.  Then she said, "Son, that day has come, we are your friends."  I held back my tears until we got in the van to make that long drive home and smiled.  Similarly right before we left our daughter in Rock Hill, I hugged her and told her how proud we were of her.  Then I handed her a small Moleskin journal filled with some of my favorite promises of Scripture, quotes, funny sayings familiar to our family and other tidbits.  I told her to pull out when she missed home, or was struggling.  In the years since she has reminded me of how much that journal has meant to her.  It has served to remind her of her simple roots and how important faith in God has been to our family.

So when I look at the picture above of our son with his infant daughter on the couch, I smile knowing that one day (Lord willing) he will take her to college with his sweet bride and they will also make this journey.  Son, don't rush it, redeem the time because she will be in college before you know it.  As our daughter begins her senior year at WU, I am grateful for the growth I have seen since her freshman year.    When I close my eyes she's still that 4-year old giggling in a bath tub filled with bubbles.  My heart beams with pride for the woman she has become, and for the man our son has become.  I hope your heart beams too over your children!

P.S.  We never pray more for our children than when they become adults.  The issues, challenges and problems they face are so much bigger than when they were at home.  Parents start praying when they are little.