Social But Not!

Someone recently forwarded an email to me with the title, "Einstein Was Right!," accompanied by a series of pictures with comments and a supposed quote by Albert Einstein.  Snopes.com can't confirm the Einstein quote.  Einstein aside, the pictures form an interesting picture of our technology driven culture.  I've been harping for years about the growing "social disconnect" caused by our obsession with technology.  We are raising a generation of people who are extremely techno-social, but are unable, or incapable of relating to one another in person.  Play this out to jobs, looking a loan officer, or traffic judge in the eye, or making a verbal presentation in the workplace.  Ironically, many times the people in these social settings are texting someone in their group, or in the same room! 

I was at a funeral visitation a few months back and noticed that nearly every person in the room under 30 was on their phone texting, posting, or talking to someone, while those 40 and over were having face to face conversations.   It's going to be interesting to watch this unfold and see how it shapes our social, professional and personal relationships.  

  

Having Coffee.....

Getting together at a Restaurant....

 Enjoying a day at the Art Museum....

Pleasantly chatting at a cafe....

Enjoying a day at the beach.....

Supporting the team at a game....

 Having fun with girlfriend......

Enjoying each other in a convertible.....

When Worry Goes Grateful

Being a parent is a wonderful but fearful thing.  Your level of anxiety increases because you no longer worry about just the two of you.  You worry about your child.  Even healthy, easy-going people of strong faith worry about their kids:

• You worry they will be healthy
• You worry they will be safe
• You worry they will be good students
• You worry they will be accepted
• You worry they won't be bullied
• You worry they don't make your mistakes
• You worry they will choose good friends
• You worry about their faith development
• You worry they will pay attention and study
• You worry they will realize their dreams
• You worry they will know peace
• You worry they will graduate
• You worry they will find meaningful work
• You worry they will find love
• You worry when they struggle in relationships
• You worry when they become parents

And then you have grandchildren and you get to do it all over again!

Imagine what God must have felt when He gave His one and only Son?  He knew he would be born in humble and less than desirable circumstances.  He knew His earthly parents would have to flee the country in fear of their lives.  He knew the perfect child would be a challenge for imperfect earthly parents.  He knew the religious leaders wouldn't like Him.  He knew many would find His Son a threat to their way of life.  He knew Satan couldn't wait to come after Him.  He knew His child would be ridiculed, wrongly accused, arrested, beaten, bruised and murdered in the most humiliating of ways.  You talk about parental worries and anxiety!

Yet, despite all of those realities God did not waiver.  He did not worry.  He sent His Son.  He sent Him because He worried about you and me.  Okay if you don't like the idea that God worried about you and me use the word, "concern".   He worried we would continue to drift even farther away from Him without a heavenly intervention of epic proportions.  He knew we couldn't continue to do the same rituals over and over while expecting an eternal outcome.  He knew we would worship the rituals and make them our God.  His concern for the destiny of human souls trumped His parental worries.  He knew it was the only way to save us.  Now that's irony-----that the only way to secure our future and satisfy His parental concern for  the human race was to relinquish His parental authority and give up His one and only Son!  (John 3:16-17)

If I'm honest I have to admit that I often worry I'm not honoring God's great gift.  I struggle with the fact that my actions and attitudes often betray His grace gift, just like the Israelites of old.  Long after His birth, Jesus would remind us that worry can't add a single moment to life.  He urged us to take note of how God takes care of lesser aspects of creation.  And He reminded us how much more important we are to Him!  Our response should simply be gratitude.  By living with thanksgiving to God we honor His Advent gift of Jesus.  And living with gratitude is not easy because it means we are more focused on others and God than ourselves.  Authentic gratitude is found in the serving of others in Jesus name.   So don't worry be grateful!

Keep the Faith and Live for Freedom

There's a reason why our government does not negotiate with terrorists.  Time and time again it has been proven that by opening negotiations you tell them that their behavior has gotten your attention and you have no leverage.  You validate and legitimize their cause.  You become as the old mountain man used to say,  "Beholden" to them.  You can't reason with an illogical, or unreasonable person.  Evil has existed through the ages and it will continue to rear its ugly head.  It is not going away.  We can't tell ourselves, or our children that it will never happen again!  It will.  It may take a different form, but rest assured it will happen again.  Don't believe me?  Let me illustrate with a personal example.

In mid-September of 1989,  I was working at WHAS radio in Louisville, while in seminary.  Our studios and newsroom were housed along with our sister TV station WHAS, next to the Standard Gravure, a massive printing house where the Louisville Courier Journal Magazine was printed.  An employee,  47-year old, Joseph Wesbecker was on disability for mental illness.  At 8:30 a.m., armed with several assault weapons he walked into the plant and killed eight people and wounded 12 others before killing himself.  These were co-workers.

His arsenal included an: AK47 type of rifle; Sig Sauer 9mm pistol; 2 MAC-11's (a machine-gun type pistol); .38 revolver; a bayonet; and several hundred rounds of ammunition.  Wesbacker calmly walked through the plant shooting employees and vendors like he was shooting targets at a gun range.  He shot about 40 rounds, stopping to reload a magazine during the attack.  I will never forget that day as long as I live.  It made a huge impact and impression on the first responders, and local news media on the scene.

Life changed at our radio & television station after Wesbecker's act of terror next door.  Armed security guards, locked doors, video cameras and ID badges became standard.  Our previously relaxed atmosphere was justifiably replaced with one of uneasiness, heightened awareness and elevated caution.  Personal vehicles were no longer allowed to park inside the fenced parking lot near the building, which meant those of us working weekends had to give up that privilege and park on the street.

Most of us were numb to the unfolding story after years of covering crimes and other tragic stories.   Experts say it's a natural coping mechanism that medical professionals, police, fire, soldiers, reporters, and others exposed to constant negativity develop in order to survive.   Something kicks in and you emotionally divorce yourself from the event as much as you can in order to do your job.  It's hard to explain since you don't intentionally try to separate yourself.  You just have to do it so you can do your job.  And our job was to tell the story of an unstable man who calmly and deliberately killed innocent people before taking his own life.

I worked that tragic day.  It was supposed to be a producer gig that ended after morning rush hour.  However, since the crime occurred toward the end of my shift it turned into an all day stretch as we needed every available body on hand to splice and dub tape, write copy, produce, do interviews and report.  I remember driving home that evening and feeling absolutely numb.  There was nothing left inside me.  I pulled into our garage off the back alley and cried like a baby inside the car.  When I walked into the house I couldn't wait to hug our 6-year old son and my wife.  I desperately wanted to be with them and to experience some sense of normalcy.  They were trying to adjust to a new city, church, job, school, house and life as family members of a "second-career" student.  So we had yet to settle into a routine, which made it more difficult.

Fortunately, the last thing I wanted to do was watch or listen to more news coverage that had gone national before noon.  Remember this was before the Internet and social media so news was confined to the network stations, radio and newspapers.  I had lived that horrific story over and over with every newscast so I was drowning in a cesspool of insanity.  Mental health professionals have since discovered that a steady diet of constant media coverage of natural disasters and tragedies is not healthy.  They also know how important it is to return to a "normal" routine.  Familiarity breeds comfort.  And comfort is a good thing in such times.

We instinctively focused on our family and faith without fixating on the story and being glued to the television.  It enabled us to channel our empathy and mercy for the victims in healthy ways while providing emotional stability for our young family.  Our city and world were shaken, but deep within we knew that no matter how bad it was we could not surrender to the tyranny of fear by second-guessing, panicking, or isolating ourselves behind closed doors.  We chose to live.  To profess hope and exercise our faith in God and humanity.  The Standard Gravure shooting took place ten years before Columbine!  And there have been 31 school shootings since then.  I would've never dreamed it would happen again, and again, and again, and again.  

There's an old saying, "If you want to grow grass you've got to plant seeds."  We, who by the grace of God are left unscathed, or behind these incredulous events must choose to live.  It is the best way to honor those who have fallen.  By choosing to live and invest ourselves in the moment while helping those who are struggling we refuse to let evil rule the day and rob us of our hopes and dreams.  I am not saying we don't mourn, grieve and struggle.  And I am not saying this is easy.  In fact it's more difficult and courageous to dig deep, invest, plant and look to the future.  It can't be done without faith.  Joseph, Job and Jeremiah all leaned into faith despite the depraved indifference of humanity and hand of evil.  We must choose faith, forge ahead and hold those tight who can't.  We must not leave them, but remind them that they are not alone.  When we exercise faith, we declare hope and freedom is not destroyed.  Paul said, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom."

What Can Be Done Immediately?

Here we go let's dive into some controversial waters.  My goal isn't to appease or endear myself to any side of the gun debate.  Let me begin by saying that I am a supporter of the 2nd Amendment and responsible gun ownership.  I have no problem with background checks and registering every single gun purchase.  And I do not believe semi-automatic weapons should be easy to purchase or acquire, especially for those who are mentally disturbed.  Every gun owner should welcome responsible gun ownership just as every responsible driver must register their automobile, show proof of insurance and possess a valid driver's license to drive.

As a Christian minister I couldn't disagree more with former pastor, presidential candidate and now Fox TV commentator, Mike Huckabee regarding the cause of the violent acts in Newtown, CT.  Huckabee said the violence has occurred because we have "taken God out" of our schools.  No, Mr. Huckabee this occurred because of the depravity of humanity.  It's as old as the fall of Eden and an elementary, foundational biblical principle!  It precedes America and public school education.  Your comments were at best ill-timed and at the worst political panhandling to your base.  Such political pandering does nothing to help seek a solution to this growing national problem.  I apologize for getting off track.  Back to my point.

There is going to have to be a national conversation with educators, mental health experts, law enforcement, responsible gun owner organizations, first responders, clergy, medical professionals, parents, representatives of surviving family of mass shooting victims, lawmakers and the judiciary.  It's more than a "gun problem".  Each of the last four mass shootings (and every one before) involved someone who was mentally unstable.  Anti-gun folks you need to be willing to consider that out of the thousands of responsible gun owners these tragic events were perpetrated by sick, irresponsible people. Gun owners you need to be willing to admit that we've got to have this discussion and cannot blindly hide behind the Second Amendment!  There are 20 small caskets in Connecticut as to why we need to have this conversation, not counting the previous ones from Aurora, Columbine, Paducah, Virginia Tech and beyond.  I don't have a long-term answer, but I do have a suggestion for an immediate response until this conversation takes place.

Mr. President, issue an executive order with Homeland Security funding that will provide armed police officers at every public elementary school campus.  Since most middle schools and high schools have school resource officers the focus could be on elementary school campuses.  However, those middle and high school campuses that do not have a resource officer should be included.  This is more important than raising taxes, lowering the deficit, or avoiding the fiscal cliff.  This will provide an immediate response with professionals who are already trained for potentially dangerous situations with armed combatants.  It will also allow the space and time needed for a rational conversation to take place with those previously mentioned.  I would have no problem personally paying 1% more in federal taxes per year to support such a provision for our schools.  I have a hunch a strong majority would be willing to do the same for the sake of our children.

Meanwhile, heartache, grief, pain and tears continue in Newtown.  And has anyone thought that with every mass shooting those victims in communities of previous tragedies have to relive it all over?  May God be with all of you, we hold you in our hearts, thoughts and prayers!

We Mourn and Weep With Newtown, CT

Steady Joe

All of us have emotional ups and downs, but some people live totally by the moment.  Their security, peace, safety, self-worth and welfare are always dependent upon how they feel at the moment.  Did you catch that phrase? How they feel at the moment. (Picture of Joseph and Mary from the movie: The Nativity)

It is dangerous to let emotions dictate our response to daily living.  Why? It’s a no-win.  Emotions are always up and down.  Feelings change, but truths don’t.  When we live by emotion we deny the deep truths that have been deposited deep within us by parents, coaches, teachers, family, pastors, friends, authors, and others for years and years.  The emotional moment is an opportunity to mine those deep truths. 

For example----you’ve had a good month at work, but your boss makes a single comment that sting’s a little at the annual Christmas party.  Are you going to let that one comment derail your day, week and month?  Or, are you going to mine the deep truth that you know God loves you know matter someone else says?  Or, what about the truth that you’re incredibly blessed with the wealth of friends and family who love us despite our faults?  Really? You are going to let one comment, one decision (okay even three), a single event, or conversation derail the depth of truth deposited deep within your heart, soul and mind?

Emotions are healthy until they rule your life.  There’s nothing wrong with crying, laughing, getting upset, or even being sad.  However, when every day and every moment is ruled by emotion something is seriously wrong with our wiring.

The birth narrative of Jesus is typically focused on Mary.  However, Joseph was steady Eddie.  Imagine the emotional roller coaster he traveled when he discovered his virgin fiancé’ was pregnant.  Yes, he had a moment when he thought about secretly getting a divorce to spare Mary public humiliation.  Chalk that up to the initial response of an emotional reaction.  It’s normal. 

Remember, Matthew says he was a “righteous/good” man. I can’t imagine the public humiliation he faced in a strict Jewish society.  However, the next verse (1:20) says that after he had “considered this” an angel appeared to him.  So before the angel even appeared to him, Joseph mined deep truths.  He knew deep within that God would not let him fall.  Had Joseph reacted like some of us he would’ve cut and run.  Forget Mary, forget any promises, forget what he knew deep within, think about yourself and run.  But he didn’t.  Joseph stayed the course and did what God asked him to do.  And years later when his heaven-sent Son would come forward publicly, he would be called the “son of a carpenter”.  Jesus was identified by his relationship with his earthly father.  What if Joe had bolted?  What if he let emotions rule the day?

One more thought.  Letting emotion run our lives is exhausting.  There is no consistency.  Nothing is steady.  You are either way up, or way down.  No medium.  Imagine what it’s like to live with a spouse, parent, or child who lives like this?  It must be hell on earth.  Anger, sulking, stoicism, crying, hysterics and emotional blackmail run the show.  Those who live in a family like this often describe the experience as “walking on glass,” because they never know how the emotive person is going to behave.  At the end of the day it’s really a selfish response to life.  It doesn’t think of others.  It doesn’t give preferential treatment to others.  It is all about me: my needs, my feelings, my wants, and my desires.  I have watched it destroy more marriages, families and careers than I care to remember.

I have learned this tough lesson the hard way.  I see the world through emotions and feelings.  I have extremely high empathy and mercy gifts.  I filter life through art, poetry, song, and narrative instead of numbers, rules and facts.  There’s nothing wrong with how we are wired.  However, when we go to either extreme (emotion/logic) we deny ourselves any chance of living a balanced life.  And people we love get hurt in the process.  I’m really trying to think, reflect and take stock of the big picture when something hits my emotional hot button.  It has improved with age, but what I’d give to get those years back when my emotions hurt others and myself.  Don’t deny your emotions, but if we are still “feeling” the same way the next day we need to do some deep mining, reflect and pray.  If we are still driven by emotion upon reflection it’s time to see a physician and good pastoral/emotional care and counseling. 

The Christmas Spirit

A Greensboro NC family recently took a tough situation and used it to share the Christmas spirit.  The family had reserved a local ballroom and meals for 90 people for their son's wedding.  However, the wedding was called off leaving the family with a giant room and a meal for 90 people.  The father of the would be groom called the Salvation Army Center of Hope and offered to donate the room and meal to the homeless for a Christmas party.  The center provides emergency and transitional housing for families in need.

The Center of Hope normally holds Christmas parties in its cafeteria, but last weekend 84 residents and six staffers sat down to a first class meal in a swanky ballroom thanks to the anonymous donor who took a disappointing situation and used it for good.  However that's not the end of the story.  When the father met the center's director to tour the ballroom he was prompted to do even more.  His family took donation barrels to their church and collected toiletries, supplies and toys for the center's residents!

This family may have lost $5,000 on the reservations, but they were the recipients of something even greater because of their generosity.  Grace filled that ballroom and the joy of Christmas became a reality.  And somewhere in Greensboro a family smiled knowing they were God's instruments of grace!

How can God use us this season to help others?

Religion or Relationship?

In his book, The Divine Mentor, author Wayne Cordeiro offers some interesting facts involving the use of our time:

By the time you graduate from high school, statistics say you will have watched more than sixteen thousand hours of television.  You will have spent fourteen thousand hours in an educational institution.  And if you go to church for just two hours a week you will have spent under two thousand hours getting spiritual help. 

Cordeiro's point is about the foundation of decision making.  He basically says we can't expect a mere 2,000 hours of corporate worship to take precedent over 16,000 hours of television.  There has to be more to supplement our faith than a mere 2,000 hours of worship in 18 years.  The answer according to Pastor Cordeiro is that we need daily time alone with God.  He is spot on, but I would like to go a little different direction using the same information.

After 23+ years of pastoral ministry and a life spent in the church I would say it is safe to bet that 80% of those that attend Sunday worship services are content to let that one hour a week (2 hours if you count attendance in a small group/Sunday School) account for their total faith development, or relationship with Christ.  Okay so let's say I'm way off (if anything I'm low!), what if it's 50%?  So 50% of the people come with totally different expectations/motivations.  Let's call the Sunday-only folks Group A.   And those who spend intentional time with God in addition to church services, small groups and ministry Group B.

Group A needs to be filled, picked up, entertained, and informed.  Worship always "has" to be relevant and interesting for them.  But Group B comes with a totally different set of expectations/motivation.  For them, worship is the culmination of a week already spent with God.  There hasn't been a 6-day lag in their time with God.  Imagine not speaking to your spouse for 6 days?  Okay, so maybe that's not a good metaphor for some, ha.  You get the point.

When Group B comes to church they have already spent the rest of the week with God so  they are worshipping before they even arrive for corporate worship.  The corporate experience comes at the peak of their daily relationship with Christ.  Worship is always relevant and interesting for them because even if the worship leaders are off, or have a bad day, they are able to worship because their spiritual development and worship expectations aren't dependent upon anyone else.  For example, let's say a musician or vocalist is off on a particular song.  Their worship won't be derailed, less than desirable, or flat because of one person.  They don't "need" the praise band, or worship slides to be perfect in order to have meaningful worship because the foundation of their worship isn't rooted in an event, experience or feeling.  It is built on a relationship forged through quiet time of devotions, prayer and praise that takes place the other six days of the week.   God's word is going to speak to them regardless of human leadership because they are already listening to Him.  The Holy Spirit doesn't have to provide a highly emotional experience for them because He has already been at work in their life during the week.  I didn't say their worship is without emotion!

Now you are a pastor, worship leader, elder or deacon.  Which group would you rather lead in worship, teach and serve?  It's a no-brainer.  What coach wants to lead players that never practice? Group A unknowingly puts enormous pressure on worship leaders to perform, or provide a manufactured weekly high.  It takes the emphasis off God and puts the responsibility upon flawed and fallible humans.  This group nourishes/feeds the all too dangerous and ever tempting monster of pride that can make human leaders think they are bigger than they are.  You are never "good" enough for this group.  You can't be.  And it's because they are looking to humans to provide for them what can only be provided by God through Christ in an intimate relationship that involves Mondays as well as Sundays.

The Group A make up in every church changes a lot because they tend to hop from one church to another.  When your spiritual maturity/nourishment relies solely on a weekly worship service, or experience at some point you are going to be disappointed and you will have to find another, better and bigger show, ur uh worship service to meet "your" needs.  However, worship isn't about meeting our needs.  It's about God's glory.  The focus is on God not my needs.  Think Psalm 37:4! Focus on God and He will change your perspective.  This hard for the members of Group A who grew up in Baptist, Catholic, or denominational churches that intentionally/unintentionally place a lot of emphasis on spiritual activity, programs and attendance at church functions, or events instead of their relationship with Christ.  Even though it's not the agenda what happens is that people often make the assumption that being a "good" Baptist, Methodist, or Catholic, etc., (in their attendance and activity)  is what makes you a devoted Christ-follower.  A devoted Christ-follower is what makes a good Baptist, Methodist, etc., not the other way around.

Group B challenges those of us in ministry and helps us grow more than we help them.  Their spiritual depth challenges you, to study more and prepare deeper.  You dig deeper because they do.  They inspire, encourage and nurture leaders without even knowing it.  They come with sleeves rolled up. You know they aren't going to be impressed with "smoke and mirrors,"  or anything but the leadership of the Holy Spirit.  Their worship experience and fulfillment isn't dependent upon the leaders, it's dependent upon their offering of worship to God.  There's another important role Group B plays in the life and witness of the local church.

When you have a strong Group B you are able to reach people in Group C.  Group C are the people who are not Christ-followers.  They can be attenders, seekers, or people who do not attend church.  They are the people we are called to reach.  How will you effectively reach them if your church is filled with more people of Group A than Group B?  If Group A reaches them they will grow up thinking that attendance, ritual and spiritual activity constitutes a biblical relationship with God through Christ.  But it won't.  It may grow churches, but they will have no depth.  We are called to grow souls and we have to pay attention to our personal soul growth before we can ever help someone else with theirs.

Group A is easier to be sure.  Group B is harder and requires a lot more work.  But the rewards are far apart.  We get what we aim for.  Which one are you aiming for?