When New Stuff Doesn't Work Anymore

A young friend is trying to fill a hole or need in his life with things.  He can't stop.  Vehicles, sporting goods, hunting stuff, clothes, and electronics are the trappings of his life.  If someone else gets something new that he doesn't have, or his version is older, he will buy it just to stay up to date.  After purchasing another high-end handgun he recently put one of equal make and quality on Craigslist.  The irony?  The gun on Craigslist was the gun he just "had to have," when he purchased it a few months ago.  The thrill  didn't last.  Every time I hear of his latest purchase I want to sing B.B. King's, "The Thrill Is Gone."

Fortunately (well maybe not), my friend has the economic standing to be able to live like this.  Those who don't just spiral deeper and deeper into debt from their impulse purchases that often defy commonsense and sound economics.

Are you like my friend?  Take out a legal pad and write down everything you've purchased (over $100) in the last year and beside it write down what it replaced and how long you had it.  Then write down whether or not you were able to pay cash for the new item, or if you had to make payments.  Obviously I'm not including goods and services for your house, car maintenance, medical, gifts, etc.  You know what I'm talking about: STUFF!

If you have a problem in this area you will begin to see a pattern.  Undoubtedly, loved ones and friends have known about it for a long time.  Near the new purchase write how long you planned, thought about, or saved to make the purchase.  Was it last minute, two weeks, or six months?  Did you have the cash, or did you use credit?  If credit was involved did you pay it off at the end of the month?  If it's a big ticket item were you upside down after the purchase?

Now, beside each purchase try and remember how you were feeling emotionally at the time of the purchase:  Was their conflict in your life?  Were you depressed?  Were you angry about something, or with someone?  Were you feeling sorry for yourself?  Be honest.   Then, make a note how long the purchase subdued your anger, depression, conflict, etc.  Again, be honest.  Are the same issues recurring and not being resolved?  If you have an issue or problem in this area it will surface.

I love my friend.  He makes me laugh and he is very smart.  However, I long for him to fill this void in his life.  It's beyond gut/impulse purchases.  It's about trying to fulfill a deep longing, or need.  I don't know him well enough to know what that need is, but I suspect it is faith/peace related coupled with a parent who lived by the same compulsion.  I am praying for my friend and asking God for the right time to ask him about it without putting him on the defensive.  I want for him to have this incredibly large hole in his life filled with more than just the same old, but new STUFF.  I want him to fill the hole with something lasting and rich.

Why?  When I was his age I tried the same thing and lived beyond my means.  It hurt our family.  It hurt me.  We got help.  It was so Solomon, "a chasing after the wind."  If the wealthiest human that ever lived couldn't find fulfillment in STUFF, wealth, conquests and possessions, how can we even pretend with a straight face that it will work for us?  There's more to life for my friend, and more for you if you struggle in this area.  Get help now.  Start by asking your spouse, children, close friends, or parents if they  think you have a problem in this area.  And let them know you really want to know, but don't get defensive when they answer.  Give them permission to speak truth in love without fear of a reprisal.  Start now, it's never too late!