How to Join and How to Leave a Church: Part 2

How we join, or choose a church is incredibly important.  Make a mistake in searching for a church, or joining one and you could be leaving quicker than intended.  The first and most important rule for joining a new church is to take your time.  Don't rush this process.  Go slow, get to know the church, leaders, people, and ministries.  I can't say this enough, GO SLOOOOOOOOOW!

Pastoral leaders are all too familiar with "newbies" who come and within one or two visits seem to have all the answers to the church's problems.  They act as if the church has been paralyzed before the arrival of their talents and gifts.   Trust me that is not the case.  Odds are that the church has been doing just fine.  You see if a church is totally dependent upon one member, or family something is wrong.     Imagine going to a new restaurant and telling your waiter/waitress what is wrong with their restaurant before you've ever had a meal.  Even the best restaurants can have a bad day in the kitchen or with service.  One visit isn't enough even for tenured Christ-followers.

We live in an impulse-driven world rooted in immediate satisfaction.  When we apply this approach to joining a church we circumvent the natural process.  We aren't buying a new shirt, or cell phone.  We are "buying in" to a living organism and that takes time.  Relational investments are not best served quickly.  It takes time.  Who among us hasn't made some impulse purchase only to regret it, or be bored by it months later?  The flash, or thrill eventually wears off.   Joining a church takes time and wise are the people who do their homework and dig deep in prayer and reflection.

Ask people sitting next to you about the church.  What drew them to the church?  What do they like most?  How has the church helped them grow in their faith?  Is this a typical service, or small group?  Have their been any negatives?

Ask pastoral leaders about the church.  If it's a mega/large church try to find the pastor assigned to your area, or age group and schedule a lunch, or time to get together over coffee.  When you do be open and honest about your search.  If you left your previous church with unresolved conflict DO NOT hide it from them.  Tell them, but don't make it the centerpiece of your discussion.  In fact, if you left with unresolved conflict I strongly suggest you backtrack and meet with the person(s), or leadership in the church you left.  Seek reconciliation even if you know you are leaving.  This honors Christ and the church.  The previous post has enough about carrying unhealthy baggage from one church to the next.

Ask about service opportunities and let them know your spiritual gifts.  Ask how they help their members grow in their faith.  If you don't know your spiritual gifts ask if they can help you identify, develop and use them for Christ.  Ask about the membership process and what is involved.  Ask what leadership expects from members and what members can expect from leadership.  This blog presupposes that you checked out the church's core beliefs, values, theology and mission before you ever stepped foot on the property.  But if you have a question about a specific value, or belief by all means ask when you meet with a ministry leader.

Seek out a small group leader (Adult Bible Fellowship or Sunday School class) and check out several before landing in one.  You may not be a "fit" for a particular group and that's okay, but there may be others that "fit" like a glove.  Remember this is about relationships and relationship building takes time! A reasonable time for a tenured Christ-follower to join a church is somewhere between 3-6 months if you have really gotten involved, asked these questions, done your homework and prayed through what God wants you to do in regard to your church membership.  Don't move too quick and don't wait too long.  But above all, wait until God affirms your decision to join.  Don't be pressured into joining either, but don't let it run forever so you have no accountability with the greater body in your spiritual life.

Finally, a word about joining a "niche" church.  A "niche" church is one we join specifically for the children's, student, or women's ministry, music ministry, the location/time of the worship service, etc., without ever considering the rest of the church.  Parents often join a particular church just for their children.  I'm all for wanting the best for our kids, but don't let them drive the bus of church membership.  You are the parent, or the adult.  You are the spiritual leader in your home so lead.  Perhaps God is calling you to a small, or struggling youth ministry to help build it up?  If you are joining just for the preaching/teaching, or the music you are short-changing yourself and being short-sighted for immediate gratification.  There's nothing wrong about tapping into your sweet spot and passion, but when we do it at the expense of the "big picture" and the rest of the church we may find ourselves headed for the road of disappointment in the months/years to come when that particular ministry is no longer fulfilling, or when we need more in our faith development.  This is why we are placing such a high value on small groups in our church.  It's where you really connect and build relationships.  Nothing shows the heart of a church quicker than small group life.  It's like a micro-window to the soul of the church at large.

Clemson Head Football Coach, Dabo Swinney is known for saying, "I'm all in!"  So let me just say that after you've moved through the process, prayed and feel God's clear direction to join a church be "all in" at the church!  Practice the ministry of presence.  Invest your time, energy and resources to personally grow and help the church grow so it can impact the culture for Christ.  Don't be a spectator member that only shows up for Sunday worship.  Dig in, invest and contribute for the glory of God.