Sulking is selfish. It's self-centered. It is not Christ-like. Jesus tells us that if we want to follow Him we have to take up our crosses and deny self. Unfortunately our culture is self-consumed and self-centered. When we pout we are more like the world than Jesus.
Rarely do we sulk over righteous thoughts or ideas. I know it happens, but it's rare. We mainly sulk/pout when we don't get our way, or don't like something. If I'm really honest with myself when I sulk because I don't get my way, the way I'm wanting is nearly always selfish. I'm in the wrong about it 99% of the time. Sulking is a great way to refuse to accept personal responsibility for decisions, actions, or attitudes that we don't want to admit, or think about in constructive ways that promote personal growth.
Sulking is emotional blackmail. It holds our families, churches, small group, co-workers, or whoever the sulking is aimed at hostage. We reason that we aren't budging until they enable our bad behavior, or until the sulking seems to have worn them out so we inevitably get our way.
I've read and re-read Galatians 5 several times and for the life of me, I can't find sulking/pouting among the gifts given to us by the Holy Spirit. Translation: It's not supposed to be part of a Christ-follower's DNA. However, churches are often fertile breeding ground for the pouter. In 24+ years of pastoral ministry I've seen some of the best sulkers the church has to offer. Nearly every one of them had unresolved family of origin, anger, or spoiled child issues. And I can count on one hand the number of people in all those years and churches who actually faced their sin of sulking and dealt with it in a mature, biblical manner that honored God. Most pouted their way to the exit and took their wheelbarrow full of self pity to the next church where it inevitably spilled over again.
Insecurity is one of the biggest causes of sulking. Unresolved anger is another one. Most adults who were enabled/indulged by their parents as children, and rarely disciplined are among the biggest pouters. Sulking in its simplest form is manipulation. It can be found in many dysfunctional families.
Sulking looks really bad on children. On adults it looks like a badly worn suit when the pant legs have shrunk about six inches!
If you are the family member, co-worker, or friend of a sulker don't indulge them! If you do you enable and it's like feeding wild birds. Once you start you can't stop because they keep coming back. Many sulkers eventually come clean and feel remorse for what they've done, but they've done it so many times to the ones they love their apologies ring hollow because the family members know it's just a matter of time before it happens again. The best way to handle a sulker is to let them soak in their own stew and don't let it affect your attitude and outlook.
And if you are a sulker/pouter fess up. Be honest about your feelings. If you are a Christ-follower ask God: Why am I so upset? Lord, show me what I've done (in their eyes) to bring this behavior upon myself and give me the courage to confess and work through it so you can be honored by my future conduct. Be an adult about it and apologize. Do the heavy lifting of critical self-examination and work to channel your disappointment, anger, or dissatisfaction in healthy ways. Quit holding people you love hostage. Realize no one should have to pay your ransom. In fact Jesus already has!
Okay, so I've got to be prepared that the next time I'm even remotely tempted to sulk my wife, children, loved ones and friends are gonna make me re-read this blog entry. If it helps me be a better husband, father, friend, and co-worker then so be it. Time to put on big boy pants that actually fit. The robes of humility. David wore them well when he stepped in it. Sackcloth and ashes don't fit very well either, but after wearing them you are driven to make sure you never wear the bad fitting suit of sulking again. And that will make God smile.
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