The young woman sat across from me in tears. She had just revealed that her husband was abusive. As a very young and green pastor I was shocked. This was the "All-American" couple. She was beautiful and he could've graced the cover of GQ Magazine. Both were professionals and had acquired all the toys and trimmings of affluence that tells the world you've arrived. They had a beautiful child, nice house and were the envy of many people. However, she was broken, scared and wanted to get out. Subsequent counseling sessions with her and the couple revealed a man in denial with a dangerous little secret. I counseled the need for boundaries. She courageously drew a boundary and when he crossed it she ended the marriage.
Within months he had another "All-American" beauty on his arm. As I counseled them, I did my best to open the door and uncover his secret. To no avail, they were madly "in love". Not long after, he crossed the line and she was not willing to go down that road and give him a second chance fearing he would repeat his tendency toward violence and control. She ended the marriage abruptly with no second chances. Everyone in the church was shocked. I had to keep my mouth shut because what I had learned in counseling could not be shared with others. My heart ached over a broken marriage, but deep within I had a great sense of relief that this woman would not experience the depth of abuse the first one had when she revealed it to me late in the first marriage.
Most people are unaware that ministers, pastoral counselors, psychologists and medical personnel are legally bound to report suspected physical abuse; or when someone is a potential danger to themselves or others. It's something I have had to do a few times in pastoral ministry. You never feel good about it, but you know it's for the best. I have a high mercy tendency, so I have learned to temper my desire to get help for the perpetrator, by seeking safety and help for the victim(s) first. Most victims of domestic violence, abuse and control live in constant fear. They don't want anyone to find out the "family secret" for fear of more abuse, personal injury, or abuse upon their children.
Domestic violence (DV) is real. South Carolina ranks #6 nationally among states whose victims fall prey to the most violent forms of domestic violence committed by someone they know. 85-90% of victims in South Carolina are women. 14,000 victims were cared for by shelters in 2004 and that is believed to be a drop in the bucket in relation to the number of violent incidences that go unreported. Over 23% of all reported crimes of domestic violence involved acohol abuse by the perpetrator. These are just a few of the statistics involving domestic violence in SC.
Christians need to be informed about DV. In His inaugural call in Luke's gospel (Luke 4:18ff)Jesus noted the Gospel mandate to stand in the gap for those who suffer and the oppressed. Seeking justice is not optional for Christ-followers. We are to speak up and stand up in the face of oppression. Domestic violence is full of oppression, abuse and injustice. Innocent women, children and the elderly experience it daily. Most are so afraid they dare not speak out. As Christ followers we are called to be advocates for the innocent and those who suffer. It's not enough to pray about a family, or marriage we know is experiencing domestic violence. We can and we must do more. But there's a right way to do it. There's a way to do it legally and a way that seeks to help perpetrators get the help they need. After all, the Gospel is a gospel of reconciliation and restoration. But restoration cannot be our first reaction when someone is bleeding, bruised and battered. We must seek to provide safety and protection first and foremost. But we need to be informed.
This Sunday, our church is hosting a workshop on Domestic Violence. It is intended to provide those in the faith community with resources and information about domestic violence and victims of abuse. It will be led by Sarah DeWard. Sarah is completing her Masters of Science degree at Clemson University in Applied Sociology with an emphasis on gender and women's victimization. She is a consultant for Ministry Alliance for Regaining Your Safety (MARY'S) house, a growing faith-based domestic violence shelter in Pickens County. Sarah has served as a domestic violence victims advocate working closely with prosecutor's and the courts. She earned her BA degree from Western Michigan University in Sociology and Women's Studies.
Join us for this informative workshop dealing with a significant cultural issue. The workshop is Sunday, February 11th, 4:00-5:30 p.m. at Mosaic Community Fellowship meeting at 109 Leader Drive in Powdersville. Coffee will be provided by Starbucks on Haywood Road and childcare will be provided. There will also be refreshments. For a map and directions go to: http://www.mosaic-community.org/location.htm#top
Everyone from the community is invited to attend!
Within months he had another "All-American" beauty on his arm. As I counseled them, I did my best to open the door and uncover his secret. To no avail, they were madly "in love". Not long after, he crossed the line and she was not willing to go down that road and give him a second chance fearing he would repeat his tendency toward violence and control. She ended the marriage abruptly with no second chances. Everyone in the church was shocked. I had to keep my mouth shut because what I had learned in counseling could not be shared with others. My heart ached over a broken marriage, but deep within I had a great sense of relief that this woman would not experience the depth of abuse the first one had when she revealed it to me late in the first marriage.
Most people are unaware that ministers, pastoral counselors, psychologists and medical personnel are legally bound to report suspected physical abuse; or when someone is a potential danger to themselves or others. It's something I have had to do a few times in pastoral ministry. You never feel good about it, but you know it's for the best. I have a high mercy tendency, so I have learned to temper my desire to get help for the perpetrator, by seeking safety and help for the victim(s) first. Most victims of domestic violence, abuse and control live in constant fear. They don't want anyone to find out the "family secret" for fear of more abuse, personal injury, or abuse upon their children.
Domestic violence (DV) is real. South Carolina ranks #6 nationally among states whose victims fall prey to the most violent forms of domestic violence committed by someone they know. 85-90% of victims in South Carolina are women. 14,000 victims were cared for by shelters in 2004 and that is believed to be a drop in the bucket in relation to the number of violent incidences that go unreported. Over 23% of all reported crimes of domestic violence involved acohol abuse by the perpetrator. These are just a few of the statistics involving domestic violence in SC.
Christians need to be informed about DV. In His inaugural call in Luke's gospel (Luke 4:18ff)Jesus noted the Gospel mandate to stand in the gap for those who suffer and the oppressed. Seeking justice is not optional for Christ-followers. We are to speak up and stand up in the face of oppression. Domestic violence is full of oppression, abuse and injustice. Innocent women, children and the elderly experience it daily. Most are so afraid they dare not speak out. As Christ followers we are called to be advocates for the innocent and those who suffer. It's not enough to pray about a family, or marriage we know is experiencing domestic violence. We can and we must do more. But there's a right way to do it. There's a way to do it legally and a way that seeks to help perpetrators get the help they need. After all, the Gospel is a gospel of reconciliation and restoration. But restoration cannot be our first reaction when someone is bleeding, bruised and battered. We must seek to provide safety and protection first and foremost. But we need to be informed.
This Sunday, our church is hosting a workshop on Domestic Violence. It is intended to provide those in the faith community with resources and information about domestic violence and victims of abuse. It will be led by Sarah DeWard. Sarah is completing her Masters of Science degree at Clemson University in Applied Sociology with an emphasis on gender and women's victimization. She is a consultant for Ministry Alliance for Regaining Your Safety (MARY'S) house, a growing faith-based domestic violence shelter in Pickens County. Sarah has served as a domestic violence victims advocate working closely with prosecutor's and the courts. She earned her BA degree from Western Michigan University in Sociology and Women's Studies.
Join us for this informative workshop dealing with a significant cultural issue. The workshop is Sunday, February 11th, 4:00-5:30 p.m. at Mosaic Community Fellowship meeting at 109 Leader Drive in Powdersville. Coffee will be provided by Starbucks on Haywood Road and childcare will be provided. There will also be refreshments. For a map and directions go to: http://www.mosaic-community.org/location.htm#top
Everyone from the community is invited to attend!
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