SCOTUS: Marriage and Loving Others

Let me begin by saying that Christ-followers have no choice but to love others.  Jesus said we must love God first and others.  He didn't offer an exception clause.  He expects us to love EVERYONE, even those with whom we disagree!  Under no circumstance do Christ-followers have a biblical license to hate.  It's just not an option.  So before you hurl your rocks remember that I believe in what James called the "royal law of love."


Tough questions abound in this argument on both sides:  Why is holding a different opinion of the definition of marriage viewed as hatred?  Why do people who preach tolerance and diversity allow every opinion except for those that are different from theirs?  Why do people who profess to have received the grace of God have so much trouble dispensing it to others, especially toward those with whom they disagree?  Why do I have to compromise my personal beliefs?

The vitriol flying on both sides of the gay marriage issue is sad.  I have witnessed intolerance, judgment and anger on BOTH sides.  We pounce on people that don't share our view and we paint with incredibly broad brushes ignoring the heartbeat of individuals.  Holding preconceived views of people is dangerous and narcissistic because we are presuming to know their heart beyond the issue of disagreement.  I may disagree with your politics, theology, or morals, but that does not give me the right to presume upon your ethos.   To do so is idolatrous because it would mean that a human can presume to know the heart of another human.  Christ-followers believe only God can do that and we cannot stand in a place reserved for the holy.  

I'm not asking you to agree, I'm just asking you to listen.  Christ-followers consider marriage a creation and gift of God, not a product of the state, or government.  We point to Genesis 2 when God created woman and the concept of "one flesh" inhabited humanity.  It began for us as a woman and a man.  It is ancient and it is one of the most basic fundamental and foundational beliefs we hold.  I'm not asking you to adopt my view.  You can call it out of touch and archaic, but it's still a view we hold no matter what the government says.  And we are entitled under the same "equal protection" clause in the expression of our religious freedom to hold a differing view.  

When a Christian says I don't support gay marriage  it is because it goes against what we believe the Bible teaches about covenant marriage.  It doesn't mean we hate anyone, or want them to go to hell.  Yet, when asked for our opinion, if we share this foundational belief we are castigated as intolerant, bigoted, hypocritical, hateful, and biased.  Don't believe me?  Look at what happened when Dan Cathy the CEO of Chik-fil-A was asked what he believed on the subject?  He was asked a question about a personal belief and he gave an honest answer.  But his answer wasn't good enough.  It was about conformity, not tolerance.  Why is it so important that we compromise such a deeply held belief?  Why do we have to conform to a belief in something that is completely counter to our most foundational and sacred beliefs? That said, I am not asking opposing views to compromise their view or beliefs on the subject.  Heck, there are straight Christians who hold the opposite view on this issue.  Can we disagree and still respect one another?

What if we changed the language on this subject?  What if we used the terms civil union or domestic partnerships instead of marriage?  Civil unions are not new.  When a couple (straight or gay) exchanges vows in a civil ceremony before a judge it is not marriage in the eyes of those who believe in Scripture.  For us, marriage is a creation and gift from God.  When we stand before a minister in the context of a marriage ceremony in worship we recognize God's authority over marriage, not the government.  Yes, the government recognizes the married couple, but even if it didn't, Christ-followers would still feel compelled to do so because we are seeking and asking God's blessing, guidance, direction and authority over the relationship.  And God's validation of marriage is more important to us than the governments.  The civil union would grant all legal/government advantages to the gay couple without redefining one of our most sacred beliefs.

What if you were told your entire life that honesty is above all else?  Your parents, teachers, friends, mentors and everyone preached the importance of honesty.  So you become an adult and honesty is a foundational belief for you.  Now, someone comes along and they ask you to lie.  You refuse because it goes against one of your core values/beliefs.  However, those who disagree with you are not only asking you to lie, but they want you to be punished if you don't lie.  You have to lie if you are going to get along with everyone.  You aren't carrying placards, protesting, or screaming at people.  You simply want to be able to practice your fundamental belief in honesty.

The SCOTUS decision on DOMA and Prop 8 has changed the playing field.  We aren't going back.  N.J. Governor Chris Christie came out against the SCOTUS ruling, but noted that if it is the will of the people in NJ he will ultimately abide by the ballot results.  Maggie Haberman reported on Christie's comments in a rent radio interview.  Here's just a small part: 

He added, “I’ve made it very clear since 2009 that I believe that marriage should be between one man and one woman. I’ve said that, I ran on that, I’ve said it consistently. That doesn’t mean, in any way shape or form, that I have anything against folks who are homosexual. In fact, I’ve said I believe people are born that way. I don’t believe it’s a choice … you were born with your sexual preference. But I believe that the institution of marriage for 2,000 years has been between a man and a woman.” 

But he added that if the state’s residents voted for it, he would be obligated to follow the law of the land of New Jersey.

Equally disturbing to me are those speaking for Christians acting as though Christianity never dealt with diametrically opposing beliefs.  I would encourage them to read a description of ancient Corinth, or Athens, in Paul's day and tell me First Century culture wasn't hostile to historic Judeo-Christian beliefs.  Pagan and cultic worship were rampant as was practice with the occult.  Fertility cults were present in public worship and let's remember the most of the Apostolic fathers were physically tortured, persecuted, imprisoned and even martyred for their beliefs.  I have found that most American Christians have no idea what real religious persecution or suffering is about.The last time I checked, we were guaranteed the freedom of practicing our beliefs and worship.   Now if that changes, it's a whole different discussion.  

This is the tension of our culture.  We want to honor and practice our beliefs.  LGBT's want to be able to be united with a partner so they can enjoy all the legal benefits of those who are married.  We need to talk to each other not at each other.  We need to listen with empathy and we need to steer clear of pronouncements, judgments and vitriol.  We need to respect one another.  Jesus practiced respect even among those with whom He disagreed.  No matter what happens on this subject, Christ-followers don't get a pass on loving others!

Now the rub.  Many Christians who share the historic biblical view of marriage and many LGBT's are ticked at me because I didn't go far enough on either side.  What did I just say about listening to one another and demanding conformity to our beliefs? At the end of the day love wins!




 

Forgetting Can Be a Good Thing

A good friend of mine is in the final months, or days of a long battle with stage 4 brain cancer known as glioblastoma.  He is a mental giant and has been known to wake up in the middle of the night just to parse Greek New Testament passages.  Something the rest of us seminary grads would liken to oral surgery!

Recently he has started forgetting things.  The tumors are growing and his brain is paying the toll.  He's still there, still alert and funny as ever, but his memory is slipping.  He knows it and he knows it's part of the drill.  His outlook is really good and he has total peace about dying.  He is ready to meet Jesus.  Give me some grace as I paint with a broad brush here: I don't know about you, but a lot of Christ followers don't seem ready to meet Jesus.  They really love this life and seem to act as though death would be the most tragic thing that can happen to us.  My friend is making death a sweet thing as he longs for Jesus when God is ready.

I was thinking about him the other day and the thought occurred to me that forgetting things is not all bad.  I thought about things I need to forget:

• People who have wronged me, or loved ones in the past
• Past sins I have confessed to God 
• Prominent people who have "stepped in it" (let it go and quit identifying them by one or two stupid mistakes)
• Undo, or unhealthy criticism from the past that continues to lurk around in my head
• People who've hurt, or lashed out at my friends, loved ones, or me from deep wounds that had nothing to do with those on the receiving end 
• Bad choices that I made in the past 
• Unrealistic standards and expectations of myself and others
• Losing in anything (me, or teams I follow)-it's just not that important!

I'm not saying we need to forget things like 911, Iwo Jima, Normandy, Columbine, a loved ones death, divorce, etc.  Tragedy, pain, and loss can be great teachers.  What have we learned from these moments both collective and personal?  However, we can't let them hold our future hostage.  We can't be so chained to the past with heartache, bitterness, hate and personal sin that it cripples our present circumstance and future. 

Paul never forgot his past mistakes, roots, and even people who wronged him, but he used it to grow and move forward.  The past didn't hold Paul hostage.  He gave us great advice in Philippians:

¹³ Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

My bold and courageous friend is teaching me that pressing on toward the goal is indeed the most important thing we can remember.  Press on people of God!

Sulking May Be Common, But It's Not Godly

Have you ever sulked or pouted because you didn't get your way?  I have.  I'm not proud of it either.  I wish I could say it's happened in my life only once or twice, but that wouldn't be honest.

Sulking is selfish.  It's self-centered.  It is not Christ-like.  Jesus tells us that if we want to follow Him we have to take up our crosses and deny self.  Unfortunately our culture is self-consumed and self-centered.  When we pout we are more like the world than Jesus.

Rarely do we sulk over righteous thoughts or ideas.  I know it happens, but it's rare.  We mainly sulk/pout when we don't get our way, or don't like something.  If I'm really honest with myself when I sulk because I don't get my way, the way I'm wanting is nearly always selfish.  I'm in the wrong about it 99% of the time.  Sulking is a great way to refuse to accept personal responsibility for decisions, actions, or attitudes that we don't want to admit, or think about in constructive ways that promote personal growth.

Sulking is emotional blackmail.  It holds our families, churches, small group, co-workers, or whoever the sulking is aimed at hostage.  We reason that we aren't budging until they enable our bad behavior, or until the sulking seems to have worn them out so we inevitably get our way.

I've read and re-read Galatians 5 several times and for the life of me, I can't find sulking/pouting among the gifts given to us by the Holy Spirit.  Translation: It's not supposed to be part of a Christ-follower's DNA.  However, churches are often fertile breeding ground for the pouter.  In 24+ years of pastoral ministry I've seen some of the best sulkers the church has to offer.  Nearly every one of them had unresolved family of origin, anger, or spoiled child issues.  And I can count on one hand the number of people in all those years and churches who actually faced their sin of sulking and dealt with it in a mature, biblical manner that honored God.  Most pouted their way to the exit and took their wheelbarrow full of self pity to the next church where it inevitably spilled over again.

Insecurity is one of the biggest causes of sulking.  Unresolved anger is another one.  Most adults who were enabled/indulged by their parents as children, and rarely disciplined are among the biggest pouters.  Sulking in its simplest form is manipulation.  It can be found in many dysfunctional families.  

Sulking looks really bad on children.  On adults it looks like a badly worn suit when the pant legs have shrunk about six inches!

If you are the family member, co-worker, or friend of a sulker don't indulge them!  If you do you enable and it's like feeding wild birds.  Once you start you can't stop because they keep coming back.  Many sulkers eventually come clean and feel remorse for what they've done, but they've done it so many times to the ones they love their apologies ring hollow because the family members know it's just a matter of time before it happens again.  The best way to handle a sulker is to let them soak in their own stew and don't let it affect your attitude and outlook.

And if you are a sulker/pouter fess up.  Be honest about your feelings.  If you are a Christ-follower ask God: Why am I so upset?  Lord, show me what I've done (in their eyes) to bring this behavior upon myself and give me the courage to confess and work through it so you can be honored by my future conduct.  Be an adult about it and apologize.  Do the heavy lifting of critical self-examination and work to channel your disappointment, anger, or dissatisfaction in healthy ways.  Quit holding people you love hostage.  Realize no one should have to pay your ransom.  In fact Jesus already has!

Okay, so I've got to be prepared that the next time I'm even remotely tempted to sulk my wife, children, loved ones and friends are gonna make me re-read this blog entry.  If it helps me be a better husband, father, friend, and co-worker then so be it.  Time to put on big boy pants that actually fit.  The robes of humility.  David wore them well when he stepped in it.  Sackcloth and ashes don't fit very well either, but after wearing them you are driven to make sure you never wear the bad fitting suit of sulking again. And that will make God smile.

6 Life-Lessons from the Hummingbird

Last week we had our first hummingbird visit the feeder in our backyard.  Hummingbirds are amazing creatures.  They do everything fast.  They move their wings up to 80 times per second, which produce a humming sound.  Because they move so fast they have a high heart rate, breath rate and body temperature, which requires them to feed often.  These little guys can fly up, down, sideways, forward, backward and upside down.

Hummingbirds use their long bills to get nectar from long/deep flowers.  They have extremely long tongues which allow them to feed deep into flowers and feeders.  There are over 300 species of hummingbirds and 12 of them are found in the U.S.  During the winter they migrate to the tropics of South America.

Watching a hummingbird at a feeder is relaxing.  It's like watching fish in an aquarium.  It amazes me that such a fast moving and hyper bird can actually make you relax.  You would think its fast pace would make you anxious, or nervous, but it actually has the opposite effect.

These little guys are extremely territorial and have been known to chase off much larger birds from their feeding grounds.  Our mean pack of Blue Jays gave up terrorizing our hummingbird after three days.  These little guys pack a punch and guard their homes.

Here's six life-lessons we can learn from the Hummingbird:

1. Use what God has given you for maximum results.  These little guys can fly in ways other birds can't.  How has God wired you to function, live, and prosper in ways others can't?  Celebrate that you are different!  What makes you different from everyone else?  Don't try to be someone else, be the best "you" you can be.
2. Don't settle for less, or give up just because you are "small," or translated: overweight, introverted, extroverted, short, tall, a minority, middle-aged, too young, inexperienced, etc.  
3. Don't let the "big birds" push you around.  Stand your ground!
4. Realize when you bring joy to other people and delight in it.  Our hummingbird will continue to feed while we are sitting on the deck 6 ft. away.  His presence brings joy and stress relief to us.  
5. Enjoy what God has prepared or provided for you.  For hummingbirds it's long-necked, deep flowers that elude other birds, or insects, but not the long bill and tongue of these amazing little creatures.  What has God provided just for you?  Your family, friends, work, environments?  Things people tend to take for granted, or forget their intrinsic value.  Be grateful for them. 
6. Know when to to fly the coup!  Hummingbirds leave when the weather turns and head for the southern tropics of the Western Hemisphere.  Translation:  Everyone needs to get away so don't stay at work too long, or get caught up too deep in the drama of friends/family without taking a break.  Don't get frozen out by non-stop cycle of doing life without taking time to smell the nectar!  

   

Abba Bill

My father has been in pastoral ministry for 61 years!  Before his retirement from the full-time pastorate he served as pastor of eight churches over a 45 year period.  He pastored churches in Kentucky and Indiana.  During that time he completed his doctorate and performed over 200 weddings and 350+ funerals, not to mention the relocation of a church campus in Indy.  He was never forced or asked to leave a church!

Dad was my pastor for about 25 years.  He is still my favorite teacher and preacher.  He inhales books related to the culture and ministry.  In fact his reading discipline puts mine to shame.  Since retirement he has read something like 200+ books mainly at his away from home office, the local Starbucks where he can be found on most days  pastoring regular customers and Starbucks partners.   He has the heart of a shepherd and absolutely loves people.  His empathy meter is pretty much off the charts.  I can't remember the number of times I've seen him cry over the aches of broken and wounded people in various churches.   I don't think the man has ever met a stranger, or forgotten anyone he has ever met.  His recall of names is downright scary.  Unfortunately, that memory apple fell on my sister, not me.

At home he never asserted his title as pastor as some misguided pastors have been known to do.  He was just Bill, or Dad.  Growing up our home was marked by laughter, funny stories and crazy antics by him and close friends like, Wendell, who died this past year.   One of my favorite memories was our annual trek to Myrtle Beach.  If Dad and Wendell were around there was going to be fun and it was often because they were laughing at themselves.  Corny songs, jokes, and stories over Calabash seafood, beach time, jungle golf, and tons of ice cream made those weeks special.

Dad loves his family.  His grandchildren adore him.  He has left quite a mark upon them.  He and Mom have been an active part of their lives going to their ballgames, plays, musicals, baptisms, and school events over the years.  I love it when I talk to my children and they tell me they were just on the phone with one of their grandparents.  It happens regularly and that says a lot about their relationship.  

Over the years Dad's prayers at family gatherings and meals have become more simple, but profound, precious and prized by our family.  Rarely do they occur without a tear, or a pause for some deep emotion.  He could never get through it, but of all the people I would like to pray at my funeral it would be my Dad!  Mom's faithful prayers keep my funeral from occurring faster than God has planned!  

As I reflect on Dad this Father's Day weekend a few things stick out about him:

• Loyalty
• Humility
• Strong Sense of humor
• Serving
• Loving ALL people
• Character
• Gentleness

No father is perfect despite what their children might think.  Every single one is flawed in some way.  But there is a great sense of peace in being able to say that your Dad passionately pursued God's will your entire life even when it was tough!  If you can reflect upon your childhood and relationship with your parents in adulthood as pure joy then thank God for that incredible gift.  I can't deny there have been heartaches/disappointments over the years that were mainly my own doing, but the overwhelming memories for me are pure joy.   I have been incredibly blessed to be the last of Bill and Ann's three children!   Happy Father's Day Dad!   Love, Monty

Merion's Red Baskets

When the 2013 U.S. Open golf tournament tees it up at historic Merion Golf Club on Thursday, something will be very different from every other course hosting one of golf's four majors.  There won't be any flags.  Instead, atop every hole's flag pole there will be a red wicker basket that looks like a teardrop, or egg.

According to NY Times reporter Bill Pennington there are all kinds of legends or stories about the wicker baskets, but no one seems to know exactly how it really came about.  One story had the course designer, Hugh Wilson visiting the American ambassador to England and getting the idea after seeing flower pots atop poles on a putting green at the ambassador's home.  Historians have disproved the story because there is no record of Wilson being in England, or traveling abroad before Merion opened in 1912.  Pennington cites the course's archives from 1915 for some insight.  The course's superintendent at the time applied for and received federal patents for the wicker baskets also known as "wickers".  It is known that many courses in the British Isles used the baskets in the mid 1800's.

Regardless of the real story, Merion is different.  The "wickers" will adorn every hole at America's golf championship and every player will have to deal with it.  For non-golfers the golf flag is an important guide for club selection because you can gauge the wind at the hole which may affect the outcome of your shot.  Caddies and players alike will be on equal footing as everyone copes with trying to read the winds of pending shots.

Tradition is not always a bad thing.  The "wickers" like Augusta's azaleas are simply a unique feature of Merion.  Some courses do it with different kinds of tee box markers, course layout, or menu items from the concession stands.  Each seems to have its own signature that sets it apart from other courses.

As I've gotten older I have come to appreciate tradition.  Think about some of our traditions:

• Singing the National Anthem before a sporting event
• Singing "Take Me Out to the Ballpark" at Wrigley Field during the 7th inning stretch
• Clemson's football team rubbing the rock and running down the hill
• SC's mascot Cocky entering with the band playing the theme from 2001 Space Odyssey
• The words of Jesus, or the Apostle Paul before communion is served in worship
• Removing a hat during prayer, or the singing of the National Anthem
• 21 gun salute at a military funeral
• NASCAR race winners doing burnouts after they've won
• Indy 500 winner drinking a jug of milk
• Fireworks on the 4th of July

Traditions usually have a great beginning.  We shouldn't make them sacred cows, but we should also respect and honor them.  What traditions are you honoring?  What traditions make no sense?  One of our family traditions is to read the birth narrative about Christ, from Luke 2 before we exchange gifts at Christmas.  What family traditions are unique to your family?  

When you watch the U.S. Open this weekend remember that we all have little red baskets in our family, churches, and businesses.  Celebrate them!

How Deep Is Your Love?

During the disco craze the Bee Gees recorded a song entitled, "How Deep Is Your Love".   The song was one of several by the Gibbs brothers on the soundtrack to the movie, Saturday Night Fever.  I'm not sure if the brother's Gibbs made the movie, or if the movie made their songs, but a hit was born along with the disco genre.  

How deep is your love?  This is a great question for those of us who follow Jesus Christ.  Jesus noted the yardstick to measure our love is our love for God and our love for others.  Keith Mannes shares his take on a compelling story of love reported by Audie Cornish on NPR's All things Considered: 

"A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22: 39-40
Tamerlan Tsarnaev was the older of the two brothers who set the bombs in Boston, the one who died in the process of the chase. Since the tragedy, no cemetery has been willing to allow Tamerlan's body to buried, due to widespread protest. No-one wanted his body buried in their town.

Martha Mullen, a Christian, felt a conviction to respond. As reported on National Public Radio, Martha began researching and contacting Islamic funeral services, eventually locating a Muslim cemetery in Doswell, Virginia that would accept Tamerlein's body.

NPR reporter Audie Cornish asked Martha, a total stranger to the Tsarnaev family, why she chose to get involved at all, especially given the risk that she might, herself, be targeted by angry protestors.

Martha answered,

… it made me think of Jesus' words, "Love your enemies." I felt that … [Tamerlan] was being maligned probably because he was Muslim, and Jesus tells us to, in the parable of the Good Samaritan, "Love your neighbor as yourself," and your neighbor is not just someone who you get along with but someone who is alien to you … if I'm going to live my faith then I'm going to do that which is uncomfortable and not necessarily what's comfortable …. I feel like it was the right thing and it's important to be true to the principles of your faith.

Wow!  How deep is our love?  Deep enough to secure a burial site for a terrorist and national enemy?  I believe this is the drastic degree to which Jesus interpreted God's command that we love ALL people.  There's no risk loving people that love us, or the lovable.  The ultimate test of unconditional love is how we love unlovable people.  Martha's actions were radical.  Yet, she is not endorsing terrorism and murder.  She simply responded to hatred in love and so must we if the world is ever gonna see how deep is our love!