An Open Letter to Charlie Sheen

Dear Charlie,

I caught your recent interview on NBC’s Today Show. I don’t watch your television show so I haven’t seen you in a long time. I remember you as a young actor full of passion in the mid-80’s movies: Platoon and Wall Street. However, when I saw you on the Today Show I thought you looked tired. Your face seemed drawn. Your boyish looks have faded and given way to the drawn frame associated with hard living and addiction. Your vocabulary seems to be full of cynicism, sarcasm, anger and bitterness betraying the confident package you are trying to project.

Last week you appeared on a national, syndicated talk radio show and blasted Alcoholics Anonymous: It's the work of sissies. The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.

I believe you also called AA a “cult” and “a bunch of losers,” who are “brainwashing” your family. During the Today Show interview I was interested in how you said you have cured yourself from alcohol and drug addiction. Having worked for years with the recovery movement and many addicts I was fascinated. I wanted to know your secret that seems to have eluded famous people (I believe you called them sissies) who practice/practiced and embrace the recovery and 12-step movement like:

Jamie Lee Curtis; Robin Williams; Betty Ford; Elton John; Stephen King; Michael J. Fox; Eric Clapton; Anne Lamott; Robert Downey, Jr.; Larry Hagman; Kitty Dukakis; Patty Duke; Mary Tyler Moore; Ali McGraw; Dick Van Dyke; Dylan Thomas; Glenn Beck; George W. Bush; Christopher Lawford Kennedy; Johnny Cash; Joe Walsh; Sir Anthony Hopkins (who by the way, has raised funds for AA because it changed his life); Governor Anne Richards; Stevie Ray Vaughan; Astronaut Buzz Aldrin; and, Al Unser, Jr. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

I was intrigued because you seem to have been able to do what these people were unable to do by themselves. I believe you said, "I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind. I had to unload 22 years of fiction and just decided I don't believe that anymore." Then holding the handbook of AA you called it a, “silly book written by a broken-down fool who is a plagiarist."

Charlie, Dr. Harris Stratyner, Ph.D., an addiction psychologist with Caron Treatment Centers commenting on your own recovery process and take on AA has said, "It's unfortunate that Charlie Sheen is offering a misleading opinion about curing addiction," He added, "Addiction is a progressive and chronic disease that can be fatal if it's not treated. There is no known cure. But individuals and families can recover if they are willing to do the work. Twelve-step based residential treatment and programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon are vital to addicts and their families for long term recovery."

Charlie, I don’t live in Hollywood and I don’t make enough money in a year to even maintain the lawn of your home there, so I’m obviously not on your level of influence. To be honest, I am very unimportant and I am broken. I breathe, function, walk, talk and live at the mercy of God. I really am “powerless” without Jesus Christ in my life. And it’s only by grace that I am able to know Him, so that probably qualifies me to be among the “sissies”. In light of your incredible mental strength, successful career and wealth, I probably am a sissy. However, because of that grace, and only because of it, I have God’s ear in prayer. And Charlie, I’m whispering to Him on your behalf:

“Holy Father, grant Charlie Sheen long and lasting sobriety through whatever means necessary. Give him a sober mind and clarity of thought. Bring him great joy. Strengthen his relationship with his family and children. Protect them. Bind them together in chords of love that cannot be broken. Shower him with so much grace in his life that he craves humility, justice and mercy. Comfort him in the dark when it’s just You and him. May he be overwhelmed by your power and love, so much so that he cannot help but share it with others. And Lord, remind every one of us of our obligation to pray for the Charlie Sheen’s of this world, and that we are all in recovery from sin. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

Projection Is Unhealthy

Projecting our feelings, or opinions onto others can be troubling, not to mention meddlesome. It can happen in business, among friends, in marriage and churches. Let's say a child is trying to tell a parent how they feel, but the parent is more concerned that the child have a specific response, or shares their opinion about the subject of the discussion. Yes, the parent may be trying to teach a truth, or help shape character, but denying the child's feelings is a mistake. I can't project my feelings, or opinion onto yours. We can't deny or dismiss the feelings, thoughts and opinions of others. The extreme of this is manipulation. Parents and spouses do this a lot. Ever met an adult who as a child was a long-term victim of this by an overbearing or controlling parent? Coerced conformity comes with baggage down the road.

When I make my experience, or opinion normative for others I have crossed a line. We cannot deny, or suppress individuality even in the church. True, we gather around a mutual set of beliefs, or core values. Behavior, conduct and attitudes should be shaped in light of those beliefs. Yes, we should have expectations of one another as Christ-followers. Hopefully in a church they are defined by Scripture instead of feelings, or human opinions. However, there are those who would impose their experience on everyone else. This happens in the workplace, but for our purposes let's examine how it manifests itself in the church:

• Someone is led to pray out loud in public when the opportunity presents itself in worship, or a small group setting. But there are those who don't feel led to pray out loud. Careful, it doesn't mean they aren't sincere. Their quiet prayer life could be far more devoted than the one that is comfortable praying publicly.
  

• I may be involved in a specific area of ministry, but there are others who never participate in that ministry. Yet, I expect them to have the same desire, calling and passion that I have for this ministry. However, they may be participating in ministries that I am not aware, or that I am not involved.
  

• You may be more physically expressive in worship (e.g., clapping, raised hands, etc.), but others are driven to silence, reflection, or the worship has pierced so deep into their soul that the most appropriate response for them is a bowed head and silence. Expecting them to respond as I do denies the work of the Spirit in their life.
  

• You may have a very strong opinion about non-essentials in faith like consuming alcohol (in moderation) and choose not to drink, yet a very godly person may enjoy an occasional glass of wine. Or, you may feel a certain biblical translation is the right one for you, but someone else may choose a different one. However, you expect them to be like you.
  

• Someone believes a specific ministry is not being done the way they would do it, or prefer, but they don't have all the facts, are unaware of what others are doing, or have done in this regard. Easy to pick apart perceived gaps when you aren't rolling up your sleeves to do something about it. Maybe I could start by simply praying for this ministry and the area I perceive is falling short.
  

A lot of churches have prayer ministries that provide a "Prayer Room" for intercessors to come and pray. I think it's a great ministry and our church even has such a room. But what if someone would prefer to pray for the same requests and concerns in their own home and they actually spend more time in prayer? Which is the right way to pray? The one that is more visible (people see you coming and going), or the one done in private? Both! But if I begin to impose my experience upon yours I have ceased to allow your experience to be personal. I have made my faith expectations and actions normative for you. Let's agree on the need for authentic biblical accountability in the community of faith. But when did that translate into imposing our experience on others? This is misguided at best and worse, it is spiritual manipulation, or blackmail.

Taken to the extreme we begin to judge a persons personal relationship with Christ based on externals. Be careful, Jesus had some strong words on the religious leaders during His days with skin-on who made a big deal about outward spiritual acts. First mistake, we presume to judge the spiritual walk, or response of someone else. That's not our scriptural responsibility, or calling! Second mistake, we disregard our own personal soul care because we are more concerned about others than the places we need to improve, or shore up in our own relationship with Christ.

Relating to each other in a community of faith is like relating to family members. We may not always agree, or respond in the same way, but our love for one another and our passion for family is not jettisoned so we can all be alike. Do we value diversity under the Lordship of Christ, or not? Our attitudes, actions and words may answer otherwise. May God help us (the global church, all Christ-followers) to pray for and encourage one another when we are tempted to project!

Out of the Darkness

Darkness seems to be all around us. Not the cover of night kind of darkness that appears after the sun goes down, but a mood, or tone that doesn’t seem to respect the laws of nature. It’s a darkness that looms over some of us despite the light of day.

This brand of darkness is paralyzing. It can bring the biggest of men to their knees. It can shake the foundations of even the most confident woman. It can shut down enthusiasm, routine, exercise, and “to do” lists. Sleep is one of its surprising strengths, but it’s not restful sleep as much as it is sheer exhaustion. Every fiber of the being is taxed, drained, and stretched to the breaking point. Simply put, this kind of darkness is a joy robber. Like a thief in the night it saps energy, countenance, confidence and attitude. Left alone it can even begin to feel comfortable and safe.

This darkness is one of Satan’s greatest tools. He’s counting that those who surrender to it won’t find a glimmer of light. He uses it to shut down any attempt to see the dawn. He’s counting on a retreat to a dimly lit room, or even better, curling up in fetal position in bed and checking out. Phones off, email at arms length and no communication with the outside world. But Satan forgets something the late Dr. Wayne Oates used to say: “The God of light is God of the darkness too!” You, me, we are not alone!

When you are in the dark cling to Jesus! Dig deep into His promises and drink from the well of God’s Word. Hold tight and move through the night knowing the “light of the world” is holding you. Lean into Jesus and away from the enemy! Hear the words of the weeping prophet and rejoice. Your rainbow is waiting!

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Cry for Freedom: Wordle On the Middle East

Wordle captures my reflections on the political unrest in the Middle East.

Zeitgeist 2010: Year in Review

Okay so I'm a little late on this one, but check out the Google "Year in Review"

Blinded by Bucks

During the last week the baseball world has been abuzz over St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols and his contract negotiations. He is in the last year of his contract and will make $16 million this year. Some reports have mentioned a figure of $30 million per year in his next contract! Stay with me if you're not a sports fan, I promise this will make sense.

Alex Rodriguez signed a $275 million deal with the Yankees in 2007 that would keep him in the pinstripes for 10 years. According to S.I.com's 2010 Fortunate 50, A-Rod picked up $33 million last year in salary. Keep in mind this doesn't include endorsements, which can be even more lucrative for some athletes like Tiger Woods. Woods only made $20.5 million from golf last year, but his endorsements raked in about $70 million despite his off the course challenges and lost sponsorships. To be fair, golfers don't have playing contracts, so their salary from the sport is totally dependent upon their annual performance as opposed to a long-term contract like an NBA, or MLB player. Even though most contracts contain performance incentives, what do you think would happen if NBA, MLB and NFL players were paid out based on how they performed in each game in real time, not based on the previous year's performance?

Yankee short-stop, Derek Jeter's new 3-year deal is supposed to be worth $51 million, which follows a 10-year, $189 million dollar contract he signed in 2000. It paid him $21 million last season. In the NFL, Oakland Raiders cornerback, Nnamdi Asomugha signed a 3-year, $45 million contract in 2009. Ironically, the NFL is America's richest sports league, but a salary cap on individual players keeps their salary averages lower than baseball and basketball.

I want to be clear, I enjoy professional sports (college even more) and I embrace a free market system. I am not against professional athletes, or anyone else making as much as they can. However, I am seriously questioning a culture that embraces such extreme compensation disparity when you consider the actual services being offered. Our values in regard to pay equity are absolutely out of control. Consider the salaries above as you read the following.

The average salary for a South Carolina public school teacher is approximately $47,000 and that figure is skewed to the tenured side of the bar. The average TSA Screener who makes sure there are no explosives on your next flight makes anywhere between $29,143-$39,600 per year! According to a national job postings website, the average police officer in South Carolina makes $46,000, which is 8% lower than officer salaries in nationwide job postings. The same website puts hospital emergency room doctor salaries at $197,000 per year. The average salary for the nation's governors is $128,735, and South Carolina's governor ranks 38th among the states in salary! The average base pay salary for an E3 level U.S. soldier is approximately $20,750. When's the last time a professional athlete stared down enemy combatants and hostile fire for a little more than $20,000? Many athletes make far more in one game than these positions make in an entire year!

I'm not advocating a Robin Hood mentality that takes from the players and gives to the teachers, police, etc., although that might not be a bad idea, lol. I'm simply saying that we need to seriously examine our values. A local school teacher, police officer, or ER physician, has a far greater impact on my world than Peyton Manning, and I'm a diehard Colts fan!

If you think this has always been the case consider the following from the International Journal of Sports Finance:

"The current system (of escalating player salaries and lack of revenue sharing) is a prescription for disaster. But whether the disaster is just around the corner or will take place 10 years from now, I don't know" (Nightengale, 1990). This quote from Steve Greenberg, the former deputy commissioner of Major League Baseball (MLB), reveals baseball administration's concern over soaring league salaries. Greenberg's statement followed a period when the average salary mushroomed from $29,303 in 1970 to $597,537 in 1990. Since then, the average MLB player's salary has climbed to $3.15 million for the 2008 season. Even rookies and marginal players have witnessed sizable leaps in their wages as the minimum annual salary increased from $12,000 in 1970 to $390,000 in 2008. To put the players' relative wage increase into perspective: over the sample period, MLB salaries rose from slightly less than double the average American's wage rate in 1961 to over 70 times the average wage rate in 2005.

There is definitely something wrong with a society that rewards professional athletes over 70 times the national average wage rate! Is it me, or should an average professional baseball player be paid $3.15 million while the person responsible for leading a state of 3-4 million people is paid around $123,000 per year?

I wish I had an answer. Let me know if you've got one.

Egypt

• Pray for peace
• Pray for the pursuit of freedom, liberty and democracy
• Pray for peaceful, fair and free elections
• Pray for courage
• Pray for wisdom
• Pray for safety
• Pray for visionary, passionate, courageous, fair and honest leadership
• Pray for reason
• Pray for the oppressed, the poor, widows and orphans
• Pray for Christ-followers who are working, and ministering in Egypt
  

The "Fridge": A Portrait of Self-Destruction

Addictions are no laughing matter. They are serious and every day they wreck lives, marriages, families, businesses, and careers. Perhaps the most disturbing thing about addictive behavior is how it stalks victims from every walk of life and social strata. Alcohol and drug addiction is no respecter of education, income, race, religion, gender, or social position. Those of us involved in the work of recovery know that no matter how hard loved ones, professionals, co-workers and friends are willing to fight for someone's sobriety, it must begin with the individual.

Sadly, too many times co-dependent family and friends acknowledge the problem and its destruction, but they are paralyzed and actually enable the addiction instead of helping. Among the saddest and most pathetic stories I've heard recently is that of the once famous Clemson and Chicago Bear great, William "Refrigerator" Perry. His story is tragic and sad. In order for this blog to make sense you need to read the entire story (click here)

This is not complicated. It is a sad story of willful, self-destruction. For every family, every spouse, child, sibling, and friend living with/around someone caught in a similar addiction, I beg and implore you to intervene and do whatever you have to do to help the addict in your life wake up. However, at the end of the day, you are not responsible for their response and behavior. Recognize that at some point you may have to exercise some serious boundaries to protect yourself from becoming codependent. Remember, exercising a boundary does not mean the absence of love. In fact, when accompanied by fervent prayer it demonstrates the depths of our love.

Patriotism or Performance?

When did the singing of the National Anthem and other patriotic songs (e.g., God Bless America, America the Beautiful) become more about personality and performance than the truth of such songs, or the principles, ideals and freedoms they represent?
Suggestion for the producers of our nation's top sporting events: instead of asking mega music stars to sing, use military chorales, or service members to sing such songs before games. They seem to appreciate the lyrics and underlying message of such songs without seeking the spotlight. Bet you'll never see a midshipman, or marine sing such songs then bow and say, "thank you," as if the song is about their performance, or has anything to do with individual personality. That's because the song is about America. Us and we, not me, or I.

How sad that this national obsession with self-infatuation and adulation (e.g., Twitter, FB, Reality TV shows, etc.) has permeated a once hallowed and sacred pre-game tradition. Why are we surprised at this when the majority of the athletes who make big plays at these events go out of their way to call attention to themselves when they celebrate instead of their team?

Bet it won't be long before this self-promoting attitude seeps into worship. Can you imagine people "performing" in worship as they seek the accolades, applause and approval of humans over God? Boy, am I glad worship is still sacred and people are seeking to praise God instead of seeking the praise of their fellow humans. God forbid worship ever becomes more about the choir, praise team, musicians, pastors, or band than the actual praise of God! We're reminded in the Old Testament book of Amos how displeasing insincere/inauthentic worship is to God:

"I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them; Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen. But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like and ever-flowing stream." (Amos 5:21-22a, 23)