I love "The Who's" and Pete Townsend's classic song, "Who Are You," which was popular on the radio long before it became the opening song to the CBS smash hit television show, "CSI". You know the chorus:
Who are you? Who, who, who, who? I really want to know who are you, who, who, who...
There's a tendency in our culture to forget who we really are. Many people are one person at work, but different in their small group, or with their friends or neighbors. Some play it closer to the vest than others and never reveal who they are. Others reveal more than some of us want to know. A lot of people live compartmentalized lives as far as their identity is concerned, switching hats like a Ringling Bros., clown in the center ring depending on their setting. Some of this is normal due to the nature of various relationships. You feel more comfortable around your family and that's a much more intimate relationship than the "arms length" distance of the office. Besides, it's highly unlikely the boss, clients or co-workers want to see us in our old sweats, favorite t-shirt and the ballcap we haven't washed since our team won their last championship or bowl!
I don't care how transparent you are, EVERYONE is on guard to a certain degree in certain settings. It's not hypocritical. It's perfectly normal to be more open and transparent around people with whom we're more intimate and have a history of established trust. But I worry about the growing number of people (many Christ followers) who seem to have fewer and fewer relationships where they can unplug, unwind and just be themselves without the fear of losing a sale; being judged by the "PC" police; criticized; or just misunderstood.
Who are you? Who, who, who, who? I really want to know who are you, who, who, who...
There's a tendency in our culture to forget who we really are. Many people are one person at work, but different in their small group, or with their friends or neighbors. Some play it closer to the vest than others and never reveal who they are. Others reveal more than some of us want to know. A lot of people live compartmentalized lives as far as their identity is concerned, switching hats like a Ringling Bros., clown in the center ring depending on their setting. Some of this is normal due to the nature of various relationships. You feel more comfortable around your family and that's a much more intimate relationship than the "arms length" distance of the office. Besides, it's highly unlikely the boss, clients or co-workers want to see us in our old sweats, favorite t-shirt and the ballcap we haven't washed since our team won their last championship or bowl!
I don't care how transparent you are, EVERYONE is on guard to a certain degree in certain settings. It's not hypocritical. It's perfectly normal to be more open and transparent around people with whom we're more intimate and have a history of established trust. But I worry about the growing number of people (many Christ followers) who seem to have fewer and fewer relationships where they can unplug, unwind and just be themselves without the fear of losing a sale; being judged by the "PC" police; criticized; or just misunderstood.
Who knows the real you? Who accepts you no matter what you say or do, how you feel, or even when they disagree with your opinion? Who beside your spouse or family really know you? We all need people like this in our lives. Jesus had a brother and two sisters who I believe fulfilled that role in His earthly ministry. The home of Lazarus, Mary and Martha in Betheny was a safe place for Jesus to retreat, relax and refresh after the often unrealistic demands of a very public ministry. His closesness to this family was revealed in his reaction when they came and told him the news of Lazarus' death before Jesus raised him from the dead. It's the shortest verse in the Bible, "Jesus wept".
I'm probably too transparent to make a great poker player because I don't hide what I'm thinking or feeling very well. In vocational ministry it has been both a blessing and a challenge because some people want their "pastor" to act, or react a certain way. They may say they want his outright opinion, but they really don't, if it disagrees with their own view. Some can't handle it if their spiritual leader acts just inches outside of their "preconceived perception" box. They are often quick to pronounce moral and spiritual superiority. I've got too much PK in me and ministry mileage to let the unrealistic and often unbiblical views of the self-appointed "keepers of the flame" determine how I behave, respond or act. I also affirm the Priesthood of the Believer, so my conduct, relationships, atittudes and comments are always in subject to Christ, not a self-appointed super spiritual watchdog. Now that doesn't mean it gives us a right to behave in an ill-mannered or non-Christ-like manner either. That said, there are still relationships and situations where I guard my heart because of previous wounds of doing so that backfired.
I'm blessed. I've got a couple of friends and partners in pastoral ministry who let me be myself without fear of judgment, ridicule or criticism. When I'm with them, I know that I am accepted with unconditional love. I know that despite my little behavioral quirks and habits, and even our honest differences they will be there. And they know it's the same with me. Each year the three of us take a pastoral golf retreat at the beach. The golf is great, but is secondary to what happens in the conversations, meals, walks on the beach and just hanging out together. I trust these two guys because like me they take their "calling" seriously, but don't take themselves too serious. They both have incredibly tender, shepherd heart's. The prayers, tears, laughter, confession, and even debate over intensely held beliefs or views are always shared in the context of encouraging one another. Even when there is disagreement and accountability.
I'm probably too transparent to make a great poker player because I don't hide what I'm thinking or feeling very well. In vocational ministry it has been both a blessing and a challenge because some people want their "pastor" to act, or react a certain way. They may say they want his outright opinion, but they really don't, if it disagrees with their own view. Some can't handle it if their spiritual leader acts just inches outside of their "preconceived perception" box. They are often quick to pronounce moral and spiritual superiority. I've got too much PK in me and ministry mileage to let the unrealistic and often unbiblical views of the self-appointed "keepers of the flame" determine how I behave, respond or act. I also affirm the Priesthood of the Believer, so my conduct, relationships, atittudes and comments are always in subject to Christ, not a self-appointed super spiritual watchdog. Now that doesn't mean it gives us a right to behave in an ill-mannered or non-Christ-like manner either. That said, there are still relationships and situations where I guard my heart because of previous wounds of doing so that backfired.
I'm blessed. I've got a couple of friends and partners in pastoral ministry who let me be myself without fear of judgment, ridicule or criticism. When I'm with them, I know that I am accepted with unconditional love. I know that despite my little behavioral quirks and habits, and even our honest differences they will be there. And they know it's the same with me. Each year the three of us take a pastoral golf retreat at the beach. The golf is great, but is secondary to what happens in the conversations, meals, walks on the beach and just hanging out together. I trust these two guys because like me they take their "calling" seriously, but don't take themselves too serious. They both have incredibly tender, shepherd heart's. The prayers, tears, laughter, confession, and even debate over intensely held beliefs or views are always shared in the context of encouraging one another. Even when there is disagreement and accountability.
The three of us owe a huge debt of gratitude to our churches, spouses and family for encouraging and blessing these relationships. Our spouses know each of us initimately and they not only recognize the need for such relationships, they encourage them as we do with those relationships in their lives. The things transparently shared together with those who walk in the same shoes, but different contexts is nourishing, encouraging, and often ministers to the soul in ways that cannot be articulated. I thank God for this blessing and "Betheny" in my life.
So does anyone know "Who" you are? With whom, outside of family do you bear your sins, soul, heartaches and joys? Everyone needs a Betheny, a Mary, Martha or Lazarus. Without it you can become so jaded, cynical, withdrawn, negative, burned out and reclusive that your heart begins to shrink. If you are a Christ follower, God has placed people in your life for this purpose. Look around. Who knows what you're like when the lights are out? EVERYONE needs at least one authentic, totally transparent relationship. God wired us for community. I'm grateful for family, these fellow shepherd's, and a faith community that encourages me to be a better me. Better yet, who encourages me to be a better me "in" Christ!
Thanks Chuck and Tim! Your brother with the highest handicapped of the three! Hey, you guys play more than I do what can I say!
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