Projection Is Unhealthy

Projecting our feelings, or opinions onto others can be troubling, not to mention meddlesome. It can happen in business, among friends, in marriage and churches. Let's say a child is trying to tell a parent how they feel, but the parent is more concerned that the child have a specific response, or shares their opinion about the subject of the discussion. Yes, the parent may be trying to teach a truth, or help shape character, but denying the child's feelings is a mistake. I can't project my feelings, or opinion onto yours. We can't deny or dismiss the feelings, thoughts and opinions of others. The extreme of this is manipulation. Parents and spouses do this a lot. Ever met an adult who as a child was a long-term victim of this by an overbearing or controlling parent? Coerced conformity comes with baggage down the road.

When I make my experience, or opinion normative for others I have crossed a line. We cannot deny, or suppress individuality even in the church. True, we gather around a mutual set of beliefs, or core values. Behavior, conduct and attitudes should be shaped in light of those beliefs. Yes, we should have expectations of one another as Christ-followers. Hopefully in a church they are defined by Scripture instead of feelings, or human opinions. However, there are those who would impose their experience on everyone else. This happens in the workplace, but for our purposes let's examine how it manifests itself in the church:

• Someone is led to pray out loud in public when the opportunity presents itself in worship, or a small group setting. But there are those who don't feel led to pray out loud. Careful, it doesn't mean they aren't sincere. Their quiet prayer life could be far more devoted than the one that is comfortable praying publicly.
  

• I may be involved in a specific area of ministry, but there are others who never participate in that ministry. Yet, I expect them to have the same desire, calling and passion that I have for this ministry. However, they may be participating in ministries that I am not aware, or that I am not involved.
  

• You may be more physically expressive in worship (e.g., clapping, raised hands, etc.), but others are driven to silence, reflection, or the worship has pierced so deep into their soul that the most appropriate response for them is a bowed head and silence. Expecting them to respond as I do denies the work of the Spirit in their life.
  

• You may have a very strong opinion about non-essentials in faith like consuming alcohol (in moderation) and choose not to drink, yet a very godly person may enjoy an occasional glass of wine. Or, you may feel a certain biblical translation is the right one for you, but someone else may choose a different one. However, you expect them to be like you.
  

• Someone believes a specific ministry is not being done the way they would do it, or prefer, but they don't have all the facts, are unaware of what others are doing, or have done in this regard. Easy to pick apart perceived gaps when you aren't rolling up your sleeves to do something about it. Maybe I could start by simply praying for this ministry and the area I perceive is falling short.
  

A lot of churches have prayer ministries that provide a "Prayer Room" for intercessors to come and pray. I think it's a great ministry and our church even has such a room. But what if someone would prefer to pray for the same requests and concerns in their own home and they actually spend more time in prayer? Which is the right way to pray? The one that is more visible (people see you coming and going), or the one done in private? Both! But if I begin to impose my experience upon yours I have ceased to allow your experience to be personal. I have made my faith expectations and actions normative for you. Let's agree on the need for authentic biblical accountability in the community of faith. But when did that translate into imposing our experience on others? This is misguided at best and worse, it is spiritual manipulation, or blackmail.

Taken to the extreme we begin to judge a persons personal relationship with Christ based on externals. Be careful, Jesus had some strong words on the religious leaders during His days with skin-on who made a big deal about outward spiritual acts. First mistake, we presume to judge the spiritual walk, or response of someone else. That's not our scriptural responsibility, or calling! Second mistake, we disregard our own personal soul care because we are more concerned about others than the places we need to improve, or shore up in our own relationship with Christ.

Relating to each other in a community of faith is like relating to family members. We may not always agree, or respond in the same way, but our love for one another and our passion for family is not jettisoned so we can all be alike. Do we value diversity under the Lordship of Christ, or not? Our attitudes, actions and words may answer otherwise. May God help us (the global church, all Christ-followers) to pray for and encourage one another when we are tempted to project!