Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Tenderness In Action

I was sitting in my virtual office at one of my favorite coffee haunts just typing away when I saw them enter out of the corner of my eye. You couldn't miss them. Two women who appeared to be in their mid to late 30's were helping an elderly woman enter. It took both of them to help her get to a table. Once seated, it was obvious the woman in her late 60's to early 70's was struggling to keep her head off the table and even drink from a straw.
From her moans and struggles to stay in the chair I assumed she was suffering from Parkinson's, ALS, Alzheimers, or the effects of a stroke. The two women lovingly moved her to the table, and talked to her in sweet, gentle tones, but unlike so many others in those situations, they didn't treat, or talk to her like a child. It was obvious that every breath and movement was a major effort for the elderly woman. The young women were talking to her and treating her with such tenderness and respect. Several times I heard one of them call her, "Mom". As they lovingly fed her from their plates and helped her take a sip from the straw it was obvious that this was their mother.
One of the women left while her sister and mother stayed to finish their lunch. As the daughter got up to leave it was obvious she was going to need some help getting her mother to the car. It was a real pleasure to help the daughter and her mother. As I took her Mom's hand and supported the other side as the daughter gently led us out the door, she turned to me and said, "She's a real go getter and has always done it by herself so she's not used to this."
As I helped her to get her Mom to the car, I was thinking back to my adolescent days when I watched my father do the same with his mother(a brittle diabetic) in her last years of earthly life. And images of my Mother doing the same with her mother flashed across my memory bank. I remembered the incredible amount of energy and patience it took to go to the doctor, or to a restaurant. I wondered how tired the daughter's must be, but you would never know it. They only treated her with love, respect, admiration, tenderness and joy. If they felt otherwise, you couldn't tell.
As our population ages and people live longer this is an image we are going to see more and more. While I recognize, understand and affirm the need for residential or home health care, it is refreshing to see people, even younger than me, who still value their elderly loved ones while much of society just stares on in disbelief, or with apparent disdain at having been inconvenienced in a restaurant, doctors office, etc., by someone who doesn't appear to contribute anything to society. One day it could be any of us!
May God help us to follow the Jewish pattern of paying respect and honor to the elderly. Throughout the Old Testament we see the aged being revered and treated with great respect. A society that cares for it's elderly, indigent and those who've carried the torch in preceding generations models a biblical principle for future generations. Societies and people that don't are self-centered, impatient, and lacking in the very compassion all of us will one day need! Regardless of their vocation, education or socio-economic level, let's pay homage to the men and women who've gone before us and made sacrifices so we can have the quality of life we now enjoy.
The lessons two sisters taught me today: 1) Love your elders and treat them with respect no matter how they may change in the future; 2) Instead of staring at people in similar situations in public places, offer to help, or bow your head and say a prayer for them; 3) No one is ever too old, or ill to receive our respect, or be denied human dignity; 4) Treat your spouse, children and parents with such love and respect that it will be returned when you need it most; 5) Pass a blessing on to my children that relieves them of any future guilt regarding seeking outside care for me in the future, but also empowers them to express their love even in the most challenging of circumstances; 6) Exercise more patience with the aged and infirmed I encounter. Show them the love of Christ through my eyes, hands and words.
Eastern countries and peoples seem to get this better than we western people. It's a Levitical principle: "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD (Lev. 19:32)." May it be so, may it be so!

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