Healing a Broken Heart

How do you heal the broken heart of someone you love? You don't! You and I can't heal the broken heart of a loved one like a spouse, child, parent, sibling or close friend. I think there's great value in understanding and accepting the fact that I can't "fix it", or make it all better. I am fully incapable of healing a broken heart. They say the desire to "fix it" is a dominant trait in most males. Imagine my displeasure at facing this reality about myself. However, with age and experience not only have I learned that I can't "fix" everything, but I don't have to "fix" everything. This isn't about Mars/Venus tendencies and processing so stay with me. After nearly 25 years of marriage I'm still learning that there are many things my wife just wants me to listen and process with her, but she doesn't expect me to "fix" it.

Somewhere, hopefully sooner than later, pastor types discover that there is no such thing as a magic pastoral wand, or pastor dust we can wave or sprinkle at people to make everything right. We're just as flawed and we do not have the power to control life, emotions and the behavior of people. Some pastor's are still learning this. Some people never get it and spend their entire life trying to control situations, people, organizations, or events.

So what can we do about heartache, pain, suffering, loss and profound grief of friends, family and people who are hurting? I think we can do three things:

1. We can point people to the One who not only knows about their struggle, but has the power and authority to change, or "fix" it. (Heb. 4:14-16)


2. We can listen to and encourage one another. (Heb. 10:23-25)


3. We can pray with and for each other. (Mark 14:35; James 5:13-16)

As we grow in Christ our mercy and empathy should increase. Henry and Richard Blackaby put it this way: "When you are around other people, God may sensitize you to the love He feels for them. When you see others suffering, you may feel the compassion Jesus feels." A heart captured by God can't help but respond to people in need. If God is bringing people with serious heartache and life issues to you don't be misled. He doesn't want you, or me to "fix" them. He wants us to point them to Him, the One who can provide infinite comfort, compassion and solutions.

Thomas Moore said, "Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal." We (Christ-followers) must point people to the heavenly solution for ALL earthly problems. Once we do, God may very well ask us to stay with them all the way, or He may only use us for a season. We must simply be available and sensitive to the great needs around us. I've never met someone who was close to Christ who wasn't being used by God to listen, comfort, encourage and help others. If we are distracted, or inconvenienced by those with heartache or pain, perhaps we had better take stock of our relationship with Jesus.

This blog entry was written with an aching heart for several people in my life and ministry who are experiencing a variety of pain, grief, and trouble right now. I cannot take away their pain, grief, anxiety, suffering and disappointment, but I am committed to pointing them to God, listening to them and praying for and encouraging them. As my own mother wrote to me many years ago during an adolescent crisis: "Monty, I would that I could, but I cannot take away your present pain, but there is One far greater than I, who can give you peace. Read about Him in Romans 8:26-27 and call upon Him." Mom, that was great advice in the mid 1970's and it's still great advice today! I'm grateful that my parents pointed me to God, listened and encouraged me, and prayed with and for me. May we be as faithful to those who hurt around us!

"The Way I See It" - Cup #192

If you're a Starbucks customer you are familiar with the quotes they put on the back of their "to go" cups. I always enjoy reading the different perspectives on humanity, faith, the culture, business and even morality represented in these diverse quotations. The quotes are on the back side of the cup and the Starbucks Siren logo under the heading, "The Way I See It #____".

Recently someone called (anonymously!) a Starbucks in my area and threatened to send 100 protestors outside the store because of the "humanistic" statement on one of the cups. The caller perceived it as an anti-God quote. I read the quote and did not see it the same way. While it was not a ringing endorsement of Christianity or God, I did not get the idea that it was anti-God. I wonder if the same caller called to compliment Starbucks when Rick Warren's quote from the Purpose Driven Life graced The Way I See It #92? You've got to love those fine, mature, upstanding, character driven, Christians who make ANONYMOUS phone calls! Oh the confidence they instill for the rest of us trying to reach the culture in love.

Recently another cup's quotation caught my eye. The Way I See It #192, had the following quote: "Many people lack a spiritual belief system and fill that void with obsessions about celebreties. The celebrities are raised to the rank of gods, and these earthly gods will always fail the expectations the masses have set for them. The cycle runs thusly: adoration turns to obsession, obsession turns to disappointment, and from disappointment it is just a short emotional jump to contempt." The quote was by Donna Phillips, a freelance writer from California. Wow! Now there's a ton there to think about, comment on, or write about. She's right, people without God seek to fill that void with someone or something. Talk about a quote that could prompt a conversation about faith in a coffee shop!

French Philosopher Blaise Pascal rightly noted, "There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus. "

Perhaps, we (Christ followers) would do better to pay attention to these quotes and other cultural observations with the idea of seeking intentional dialogue with non-Christ followers instead of instinctively seeking the predictable protest. Once again, Christ-followers would do better to let the culture know what we are for, instead of what we're against. The latter only reinforces legitimate, negative perceptions and even illigitimate misperceptions about us.

Here's some possible suggestions for the cup quotation team and future cups at Starbucks:

• "For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also."
• "So whatever you wish that men would do to you, do also to them."
• "A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit."
• "Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened you." ---Jesus Christ of Nazareth

Legal Stuff: The blogger has received no consideration, or permission from Starbucks related to this blog entry. The comments and blog post are simply the opinions and thoughts of the author.

Our World Needs #2's Too!

Last Sunday, 24-year old PGA golfer Sean O'Hair found himself in the spotlight playing with the world's #3 ranked golfer in The Players (at TPC Sawgrass) final round. Although his one shot lead didn't last beyond the second hole of the final round, he was able to stay within 1-stroke of leader Phil Mickelson for most of the round.

When they got to the famed 17th hole (island green), he was two strokes back. O'Hair had two choices: 1) risk dunking a ball in the water and attempt to go for the pin in hopes of a birdie attempt, or 2) play it safe and put the ball in the middle of the green, worst case take a par and accept a second-place finish.

Competition got the best of O'Hair as he decided to "go for the win" instead of a second place finish. He baptized his tee shot and then dunked his second shot from the drop area to card a quadruple +7 on the par-3 hole! Mickelson played it safe, shot to the center of the green and took his par. To quote NBC golf analyst, Johnny Miller, "This is painful to watch."

Diehard, competitive golfers are all admiring O'Hair, who said in a post-tournament interview, "I wasn't playing for second. I was in a good spot to win and unfortunately I got kicked in the teeth." His comments and attitude may be commendable and lofty, but they proved to be completely misguided. At two shots back he wasn't going to catch Mickelson who moved up to the world's #2 spot with his victory. O'Hair went on to bogey the 18th hole and slide from second place finish to finishing 11th. His decision to go for a win cost him $747,000 (Yes that's three zero's!) in prize money! Sergio Garcia was the beneficiary of O'Hair's poor judgment. It gave the animated Spaniard sole possession of second place. I'm sure he's sending O'Hair roses to express his gratitude. Meanwhile, the normally "go for it at all costs" Mickelson exercised maturity, managed the course, played it safe at the 18th, took a bogey and won his 31st PGA tournament by two strokes!

More troubling is the fact that O'Hair lost a five-year PGA exemption by "going for it". The loss of future tournament security may have been a bigger loss than the nearly 3/4's of a million dollars O'Hair gambled away. Afteward, O'Hair said, "I had an opportunity and it didn't happen. I'm not going to let this bother me." I hope that proves true, but I'm not sure the media will let that happen. Unfortunately until he wins a big tournament, he'll be saddled as the "guy who blew it at Sawgrass."

Someone failed to let Sean know that being number 2 isn't necessarily a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with it. Despite the cultural obsession with being #1, some of the greatest biblical leaders were #2's: Joseph under Potiphar and then Pharoah; the warrior David under Saul; Joshua with Moses; John the Baptist; Simon Peter whose brother Andrew was called by Jesus first; Barnabas and Timothy with the Apostle Paul. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I once served on the pastoral staff of a very large church. I understood that I was not the primary leader, but I could still contribute and be a valuable part of the leadership team. My position on the large pastoral staff did not diminish my ability to minister. To be honest, I ultimately left because I did not feel God calling me to be the next leader of that church.

How ironic that just last year, Phil Mickelson's wreckless "go for broke" style of play cost him a major championship (The U.S. Open at Medina), and this year he took a more conservative approach and won The Players for the first time! Phil moved into #2 in the world rankings and somehow I don't think he's disappointed.

Golf is about course management. Life is about course management. Get ahead of the course, get greedy, get too loose or cocky and you will ultimately pay. I'll bet Sean O'Hair would swap earning checks with Sergio Garcia right now. And no matter what he says, he would love to have a five-year tour exemption. Mr. O"Hair is young, and will recover. But right now he's learning a tough lesson. There's nothing wrong with being number two! And with my game, I'd settle for Sean's 11th any day of the week!

Has God called you to be a 2,3 or 4? Don't be dismayed about it. Moses couldn't have pulled off the Exodus and wilderness wanderings without Aaron and Joshua. They fulfilled a critical leadership role. You can too!

Women Who Aren't Mothers But Really Are

There are two women I know who do not have children. Every Mother's Day my thoughts turn to them after thinking about my wife, mother, and mother-in-law. Our family has grown close to both of these women and I know their life stories pretty well. They are strong Christ followers, devoted wives, top notch professionals and among our closest friends.

Every year when Mother's Day week rolls around and we are smothered in cards, flowers, lunches, and countless newspaper and television ads hawking the perfect gift for Mom, I think of them. They don't have children and yet the culture unintentionally reminds them of this every year. I've watched them both and aside from the biological act of childbirth, they are mothers nonetheless.

Both of these women are compassionate and giving in different ways. They touch lives and minister when no one else is looking because they aren't seeking the limelight. They simply care for others. Their compassionate hearts are driven by their love for Christ and His church. Both of these women are sought out by many for their wise counsel and input (motherly advice) on important life decisions. I can't remember an important life decision that Teri and I have made without consulting our mother's just as others do with these two women. They are good listeners, and have a wonderful sense of humor, two things every mother must have. They both love kids and have become surrogate parents, grandparents and mothers through extended family and the children of friends. Perhaps their motherly characteristics come from their own mother's, with whom both were very close. I walked with both of them through the death of their respective Mother's and they not only honored their mother's while living, but continue to honor their memory today.

So as we celebrate Mother's Day this weekend, and heap love on the one who gave us life or honor their memory, let's ask God to bless the women we know, who while they have not given birth to a child, have all the characteristics of a godly mother. If our children were younger and no family was available, I wouldn't hesitate to entrust the future of both of our children to the nurture, care and leadership of these women! So Gladys and Angie, do you want some older kids? Happy Mother's Day to both of you!

P.S. Anna Lou, Donna Marie and Terese Marie God bless your socks off! May He honor your faithfulness and the sacrifice you have made as godly mothers. We owe you a debt we cannot repay. Much Love, Monty

Thank You, Dr. Webber

Worship pioneer, Dr. Robert Webber has gone to experience the greatest worship we live for and attempt to imagine. Dr. Webber served as the William R. and Geraldyne B. Myers Chair of Ministry and Director of M.A. in Worship & Spirituality at Northern Seminary. He died last Friday, 4/27.

For those of us in pastoral ministry and worship leadership he was more than a guru. He got it! He bridged the gap between the ancients and the future. He coined the term, "Ancient-Future Worship". His books, conferences and lectures on worship were ahead of their time and yet a reclamation of something we had forgotten during the late 20th Century. He led us to recover all that was biblical and real about ancient worship. For more on this worship-spirituality pioneer check out these links: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2007/04/robert_webbers.html and http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/robert-webber-is-gone

Thank you Dr. Webber, you touched so many lives and ministries, and yet you never met most of us! Rest in Jesus!