This week my wife, Teri and I celebrate 25 years of marriage! That's a long time. While we've got friends and family who have been married much longer, we are highly aware that our marital tenure is still the exception in these days of disposable marriages. Friends and family members know that my wife has only made it this long because so many people have faithfully prayed for her all these years!
I can close my eyes right now and see that strawberry blonde, thin, scared college kid getting up the courage to ask out that beautiful blonde with great legs the summer after their freshman year in college. Both of those kids were working multiple jobs to pay for school and met through those summer jobs. She was a waitress at night and worked a retail job during the day. He tossed pizzas across the street from her restaurant and worked at the college radio station. Man that guy sure drank a ton of coffee after his shift just to be around her! Long story short: It took about six times of asking before she finally relented and said yes!
I remember being so intimidated and scared after our first date that I froze in her driveway and didn't even open the door for her, or walk her to the door! Yes, I was raised better and knew better. It was totally unlike me, but I was just soooooooo nervous because she was so pretty. To this day, she still makes my heart jump! We laugh now at the story of how her mother thought I was a different guy when we went out on our second or third date because she didn't even recognize me from the first time we met. Boy did I leave a lasting impression!
These 25 years have not been without their challenges. Yes, for both of us, but if I take an honest gut check, I would have to say that I've been responsible for more of those challenges than her! She is my hero. I don't say it enough. Keep in mind that vocationally, I'm not the same guy she married! Imagine having your spouse come home after nearly seven years of marriage and announce that God had spoken and called them to pastoral ministry, which would necessitate giving up a comfortable life in the burbs and a successful career in order to move to another state to go to seminary and live on a lot, lot less. Not only did she do it, she did it with unwavering support, enthusiasm and commitment. God is still smiling at her faithful prayer life because they both knew it before I did! I'd be lying if I said that was the last sacrifice she had to make due to pastoral ministry. Spouses of those in pastoral ministry make significant personal sacrifices that often go unnoticed and unappreciated by the average person. I'm grateful for the sacrifices she's made over the years. It's a debt I can never repay.
If you sat down and wrote out the qualities you would want in a spouse, Teri would fulfill all of them. At heart she's an encourager, but has a very pragmatic side that does not deny reality. She is a hard worker with not one lazy bone in her body. She has an extraordinary prayer life. She is driven and doesn't let me drown in paralyzing pity parties. She is a great listener and has a delightful sense of humor. She knows when to push, when to hold, when to listen, when to counsel, and when to just be there. She is a better parent than me, always has been. And while neither of us think we have the "perfect" children (we know they are human), she has always been a mother who displays a profound devotion to her children. She is smart and gets the numbers game, which was not in my gene pool. She cares deeply about hurting, broken and wounded people but has a low tolerance for laziness, or those who will not accept personal responsibility for their decisions. While she is human, she has one slight flaw, she is too hard on herself. And if she says she's going to do something it gets done. When she slips her hand into mine whenever we're together somewhere and a prayer is offered, it's like God saying to me, "I've sent her to you, she's on loan and everything is going to be okay, still your anxious heart, and find rest for your weary soul in her touch."
A few years ago we were participating in a marriage enrichment weekend. I remember one couple who refused to be part of the renewal of vows. His comment, "I said them once, they don't need to be said again," floored me. I thought to myself how tragic. If my wife asked me to repeat them every single day, I would. Maybe more couples need to do that and remember exactly what they promised God and each other.
I would say more, but this is a public blog so I'll save those comments for private on our "25th" get away in a few months. I can't take credit for it, but a line Jack Nicholson said to Helen Hunt in the movie, "As Good As It Gets" says it all: "You make me want to be a better man." She does! I love you babe, thanks for the best 25 of my life. Lord, I am of all men most blessed, and if you allow it, I'm in for another 25!
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