Loving Honesty

In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul talks about unity in the Body of Christ.  He stresses that the unifier is Jesus Christ.  In verse 15, Paul shares a powerful and little exercised truth:

5 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Speaking the truth in love is something our society seems to have difficulty practicing.  We have become so strangled by the "PC" police that we avoid hard conversations and discussions for fear of offending, being ostracized, or risk the loss of popularity.  Let's face it, everyone wants to be liked and saying tough stuff is not fun.  

Families, marriages and churches should be fertile ground for truth-telling in love.  And yet these places seem to be among the most in short supply of honest conversations.  From parents who won't say hard things in love for fear of alienating a wayward teen, to couples who fear being honest in love could disturb otherwise placid-appearing marital waters, to addictive behaviors that are loathed but tolerated to maintain peace.  

Churches can be worse.  One of the primary reasons people leave a church is because of unresolved conflict.  Peel back the layers and usually you'll find that the conflict could have been minimized, or resolved if both sides had just sat down and spoken the truth in love.  However, we often take the path of least resistance and someone ends up leaving.  Or, we talk to everyone else about the conflict, or concern, except for the very person, or group who is the source of the conflict.  

It's not easy to speak truth in love.  It takes a lot of courage.  Every time you practice it you take a risk, but you also sleep better at night.   Paul notes that speaking the truth in love is the sign of personal growth, or spiritual maturity.  It's also hard to hear the truth spoken in love without getting defensive.  Receiving the truth in love is also a sign of growth. 

This week someone who loves me very much spoke the truth in love.  It was hard to hear and yes, I got a little defensive.  As someone who has to speak the truth in love, I knew immediately how hard it must have been.  And upon reflection and processing what was said, I've begun the difficult work of self-examination.  This will undoubtedly be more uncomfortable than I would like, but it's a start.  The next step will be change on my part.  It's going to be hard and it will take some time.  Because it was shared in love, I know it was not said to hurt, or wound me.  It was said to help me be better and to grow.  I'm going to approach this as a growth opportunity and a chance to flex my faith muscles. 

"Lord, help me and may your grace comfort the one who shared.  Thank you for the depth of their love and the courage it took speak.  Help me to be as loving when I have to speak difficult truths in the future."