Don’t Diagnose Through Your Guilt!

I was fortunate to be part of multi-generations of ministers to study under Dr. Wayne Oates in seminary.    Dr. Oates was the pioneer who combined the disciplines of psychology, pastoral care, and counseling.  He is also the person who coined the term, “workaholic,” through his classic, “Confessions of a Workaholic”.  Dr. Oates was the father of the discipline known as Pastoral Care. His book, Your Particular Grief remains a classic on understanding and coping with grief.   My father studied under Dr. Oates while he was a PhD student at Southern Seminary!  33 years later I would sit in the same building under the great Oates.  By that time he was a noted faculty member of the University of Louisville Medical School, but still sharp as a tack!


Dr. Oates was a humble man and a child of absolute poverty.  He was born in Greenville, South Carolina and was abandoned by his father in infancy.  His grandmother and sister raised him while his mother supported the family working in a cotton mill.  His story is one of courage, compassion and abiding faith.  I remember every class was like listening to pearls of wisdom drip from a humble throne of knowledge and experience.  I never missed an Oates class.  25 years later I still refer to my “Oates’ Notes” on pastoral care.  

I remember something he said in a Pastoral Crisis class that has stuck with me for 25 years.  He said, “Don’t diagnose through your guilt.”  He was referring to people who say things in or right after a crisis like, “If only I had....”, “I should’ve....” you get the idea.  Oates was right.  It serves no purpose. We don’t get a “do-over,” or mulligan in life.  Particular moments in life come and we act/react, but we can never get them back.  Hence the reason, life is precious tread carefully.  Oates was specifically talking about how people are prone to beat themselves up with guilt for things they did, or didn’t do and wish they had done something different to change the outcome of a particular crisis, or event.  

It’s a dangerous game.  Pastor’s and coaches do it all the time.   It’s second-guessing and it’s not good after a crisis.  It serves no purpose.  It can become a sacred cow and hinder us from processing stuff in healthy ways that promotes healing.  I understand the 9th step of the 12 Steps in Recovery: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. However, that is something that’s done in an intentional process of recovery and healing, not immediately.  I’m all for taking responsibility, confession and seeking forgiveness.  But there comes a point when lamenting, and drowning in guilt is not helpful.  It can even become idolatrous.  

Every week I encounter people living with incredible guilt.  Some from childhood, a former marriage, relationship, job, etc.  They beat themselves up and they refuse to let God’s grace work in their lives.  Many of these people are Christ-followers.  They are holding the future hostage because of past mistakes, behaviors and decisions.  They are rearview mirror people.  

If that’s you, stop!  The path to healing and restoration is forward.  Do the work of repentance and confession, but once you’ve done that move on.  Learn from the mistake, but don’t be held hostage by your past.  Jesus makes all things new!  He promises abundant living.  Paul says we are new creations because of Him.  

I thank the late-saint, Dr. Oates who helped me understand that I can’t change the past and if I’m really letting grace work, I am leaning into Jesus, letting that baggage go and looking forward.  Process the past with capable and called pastors, pastoral counselors, etc., but don’t be chained to the past.  Let go and move on.  And when you do you can help free others from the chains of guilt.  Live as free people whose freedom has been purchased at great cost!