Life Is Unfair!

My 8th grade teacher, Mrs. Short (aptly named I might add) was one of my favorite teachers. One of her frequent retorts to students bemoaning, or complaining about a tough assignment has stuck with me. We would protest a book assignment with, "Mrs. Short, that's not fair!" And she would reply, "My dear's life is not fair." At the time it was strange and fell far short (get the pun?) of the reply we wanted to hear, but the years that followed proved it was the exact response we needed to hear.

I don't know how long it took me to realize the weighty truth of her words. You would think something so obvious wouldn't require a revelatory "aha" moment. However, adolescents seem to have the most difficult time accepting life's realities. Inexperience, innocence, naiveté and sheltered lives are just some of the reasons we are unable to fully embrace the truth of those words as youth. The truth is that most children are protected from the harsh reality that life is indeed unfair. And that's not a bad thing!

Sometimes children are exposed too early to the "unfair" moments or issues of life. For example: divorce; abuse; dysfunctional parenting; poverty; lack of parental support in learning and education, growing up in a home with addictive behaviors and much more.

However, one of the responsibilities of parents, educators, coaches, and extended family is to help us learn over time that "fairness" is not a life guarantee. Unfortunately, some people never learn this and grow up to be bitter, or angry adults who are still complaining that life is unfair: It's the government's fault. It's the ex-spouse's fault. Or, their parents are to blame. The other team cheated. You get the idea. The lament becomes an excuse or crutch that renders things like hard work, study, ingenuity, commitment, humility, forgiveness and personal responsibility obsolete.

Life is indeed unfair. If life is fair why do young children get terminal illnesses? Why do young men and women in uniform barely out of high school die in foreign countries? Why do millionaires routinely pay far less in taxes than the average citizen? Why do innocent children, or women suffer domestic violence at the hands of abusive men? Why do the elderly suffer forms of economic, physical, and emotional elder abuse? Why do Americans throw away more food while children starve to death in the Sudan? Yes, life is unfair!

But just because life is unfair doesn't mean we should get a pass, or resign. I think living with a sense of gratitude, humility, self-denial, hard work, commitment and grace toward others is one of the ways we bring balance to the "unfair" moments of life. Otherwise we could be tempted to play the victim, or remain bitter the rest of our days. And no one wants to be around angry/bitter people.