Unexpected Words Become Motivation for Praise: An Update on My Medical Journey

....."suspicious for diffuse b-cell non-Hodgkins lymphoma" those words rolled off my surgeon's lips as he called Friday with the initial pathology results of the mass removed during my robotic surgery on Holy Week. After countless benign biopsy reports from previous procedures and the benign frozen sections taken during surgery, they were unexpected words. My world seemed to come to a complete standstill. For those who have never gotten that news it's a very surreal feeling. Not like a dream, but not like reality either. Everything just stops. Kinda like those crash dummies you see in automotive safety commercials. One minute you’re traveling along and the next minute an impact causes you to be thrust forward and then backward and you realize everything is beyond your control. When it’s over the dummies are immobile and paralyzed in the crashed vehicle. It happens so fast your emotions can't keep up with the information being shared. It's like you are a step behind. You hear the information but it can't be processed. The news and your emotions are out of sync. This happens in seconds, but it feels like forever.

My emotions weren't denial, anger or even frustration. Complete and total surprise would be more accurate. It felt more like a college kick-off receiver who just caught a kicked ball, looked up and noticed his entire team had left the field, but the kicking team was about two feet away and bearing down like a cobra getting ready to strike a field mouse. Do you run, signal fair catch, fall down, or fumble? I think I just got hit, steamrolled by a 6' 6" lineman. Back in the locker room a trainer is waking me with smelling salts. Whoa, what just hit me? Then reality sets in. Everyone has some initial shock, a tear or maybe more. I guess the "glass half empty" people sulk, freak, mourn, or crawl under a rock. But I'm a "glass half full" person. Hope is an important part of my spiritual DNA. Within seconds, but what seemed like eternity, I asked, "Doctor, what's the next step? What do we need to do? What's the game plan?" As quickly as his words had thrust me into the surreal experience, something within me had shifted to offense and attack mode.

We continue to wait, watch and pray. Something we’ve been doing throughout this journey, which began with headaches traced to elevated BP in January. After further tests, word should come later this week confirming the initial pathology results, or revealing a mistake, or a false positive. Let me be clear. I have complete faith and have asked God to heal me physically. However, God will be praised whether it’s lymphoma or not! Biblical joy and praise is not dependent upon human circumstance. Paul asked three times and God did not choose to physically heal him of his often-debated physical ailment. God heals who, when and where He wants. He doesn't owe me an explanation. He is sovereign and I trust Him.

Prior to his prostate surgery not long ago, John Piper wrote a piece entitled, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”. Among his points: beating cancer is not more important than cherishing Christ. He writes: Satan’s and God’s designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ. God’s design is to wean you off the breast of the world and feast you on the sufficiency of Christ. It is meant to help you say and feel, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” And to know that therefore, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 3:8; 1:21).

So whatever news comes next week, we resolve to praise God. Nothing that happens in this life can strip away His love, not even cancer. It is a promise of God in Romans 8:35-39. We wait, we watch and we pray! We are grateful for those who have joined us on this journey and been so faithful.

PS: “Holy Father, today I thank you for a wife, and partner in life and ministry who is indeed my hero! Teach me to serve more like her. Thank you for her quiet strength and and bless her this day."
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