The Chemo Fog/Effect

For most cancer patients there are days when you don't feel exactly "right" and you know it's the accumulative effects of chemo, but you're hard-pressed to point to one specific side effect. I don't know if there is a name for it, but I've decided to call it the "Chemo Effect," or "Chemo Fog". It's more than a cold, more than the flu, totally unpredictable and altogether annoying.

You can wake up without nausea, leg cramps, mouth sores, tingling/numb hands and toes thinking you've got the day by the horns and suddenly realize you are having trouble finding specific words to complete a sentence. And you know the word, but you just can't form it in your brain. It's called Chemo Brain. Or, you battle mouth sores before bed and wake the next morning feeling pretty good only to discover that after a shower and getting dressed you are completely wiped out and you have killer reflux that won't go away despite the best reflux meds! You realize the toxic goo causing the mouth sores is now causing them in your gut! My point is that just when you think you've got a handle on your body something else happens.

Work can be a real challenge because at times you have trouble concentrating and the latest side effects are not very helpful in that department either. Twice this week I've had the best intentions to stay with it in my office, but have had to leave. Several times I've had these (don't laugh I'm not any more nuts than I was before chemo!) out of body experiences-----yes, something just doesn't feel quite right and you know you are not at 100%. It's like there's a fog over your body, but you can't explain it. I'm not talking about being unable to drive, or walk. And no, I don't see visions, or speak Yugoslavian, or suddenly have the ability to sing opera, but something just isn't quite right and no matter how hard you try you can't seem to make it better. It's okay because tomorrow there will be a different side effect as we all hang on to that week right before a chemo cycle when we are finally feeling a little normal, our counts are back up and we're about to go down that awful treatment road one more time!

Clinging to Jesus becomes even more important, vital and necessary with each cycle of treatment.