"Seasons" of Friendship

Recently a 20-something friend was sharing about a painful visit back home.  While there she saw her best friends from high school and instead of coming away encouraged and excited, she was sad.  Nothing bad happened.  There was no drama.  No one got into argument, or said anything negative.   They were basically in the same place where she left them when she went off to college four years previously.  Her friends chose to live at home during college.  That’s not good or bad just a choice they made. 

She realized that they had grown far apart.  Their friendship had little in common anymore because they all lived in different places, had different jobs, and had graduated from school, etc.  Translation:  life moved on!  This turned out to be a good thing because instead of lamenting the passing friendship she was able to be grateful for the times she had, but realized her life was different now and she had a whole new set of friends.  She had grown up.  Her interests were different.  Her conversations were different.  Their values were different.  Her bills were, well they were now hers, LOL!  You get the idea. 

 

I believe there are people that come into our lives and we are brought into theirs for a season.  Some seasons span a college or Navy hitch, others a few years, and some span many years before they draw to a close.  Some friendships, and they are rare, can stretch a lifetime.  However, most of us would be hard pressed to rattle off the cell phone number of our best friend from high school, or college.  It’s life. 

We grow up, we move on.  And it even happens in our adult years.  I suppose this is different for people who stay in one place for a long time, or return to live in their hometown.  But for the rest of the multi-job, multi-home, multi-career and sadly for some, multi-marriage, mobile culture it is not that way.   Time, distance, family dynamics, personal growth, habits, interests and simply available time all change things. 

Friendship is supposed to be about emptying yourself and filling the other person.  It’s not supposed to be one sided.  And we aren’t supposed to agree upon everything.  Heck, where’s the fun in that?  However, sometimes there’s little “here and now” to draw upon and the friendship can only pull from the past so it becomes draining instead of encouraging.  It’s like being married to an addict and one day the co-dependent spouse wakes up and realizes his/her addicted spouse isn’t going to change and they continue to have the same old conversations and promises of sobriety, but then the dreadful behavior is repeated and the relationship is very one-sided.  Friendship can be that way.  One person can give and give and give, but the other simply takes.   When truth is spoken in love it’s viewed as threat.  Healthy friendships can take the good and the bad for the long haul.  Truth spoken in love by a good friend is viewed as investing in my growth because deep within I know it was spoken in love.  If we can’t speak truth in love in our friendships are they really friendships?

Ask yourself if any of your relationships are draining instead of filling you.  Maybe it’s time to simply move on.  Am I draining any of my friends?  Thank God for the good times and what you have been given, but it’s okay to let the friendship shift to the “Christmas Card” and occasional Facebook lookup.  Nobody is mad, nobody leaves hurt, it’s just not what it used to be and it’s okay!  You have simply grown apart. 

On the other side of 50, I’m more interested in relationships that are filling me and letting me fill them as I empty myself.    I’m pretty much done with the one-sided ones.  Life is too short, I need to redeem the time and I’m just not gonna let a relationship rob my joy. 

After reflecting on what happened my young friend smiled and realized this wasn’t a bad thing.  It was simply the ebb and flow of life.  Thank God for ALL the friends we’ve had, or been a friend to over the years at various seasons in our lives!  Maybe this Christmas season you drop one or two of them a card and simply thank them!

A Heart Flooded With Grace.....

A heart flooded with grace………

Knows no limit to gratitude
Never seeks to get even
Looks for the best in others, even when they are at their worst
Serves because it is so filled with the things of God
Cherishes every single moment of life as a gift
Grants forgiveness
Promotes others
Walks humbly before God and others
Practices reconciliation
Loves unconditionally
Washes feet
Is filled with awe and wonder
Stands amazed at the presence of God
Knows how to make peace
Responds to such freedom with great responsibility
Cannot help but share it with others

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to practice grace-giving.  Go ahead and give up some grace to friends, family, and people you meet as you travel, shop, visit, etc.,  Enjoy the holiday and make someone else's by give up some grace!

The Gratitude Challenge

Join this experiment that started in 2009.  As we head toward Thanksgiving Day this is the perfect opportunity to take the Gratitude Challenge.  

Looking Back, But Leaning Forward

The older I get the more I realize how deeply flawed I am and how many mistakes I’ve made in the past.  I am all too human and all too flawed.  An imperfect, broken vessel.  It’s why I need God.  It’s why I need Jesus.  He completes me!

I look back on a young man with very few life experiences who was quick to dispense advice and pronounce judgments he really had no business making.  I see a young father that made sooooooo many mistakes in parenting and upon reflection should’ve defaulted to grace more than he did.  I see a young pastor consumed with perception, unrealistic expectations and blind to reality.   The insecurity of youth was a horrible baseline for decisions.  I see unresolved PK baggage that affected actions and decisions.  A young husband who, for a long time confused work and professional accolades with “being present” and supportive.  No, this isn’t a rant prompted by unresolved conflict, guilt or unconfessed sin.  It’s wisdom.

The wisdom writers noted that wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord.  Too many years were spent without realizing just how great, glorious and big God is!  Missed opportunities and a “too busy doing God’s work,” attitude rationalized workaholism and an honest self-examination.  Age has brought a different perspective.  And it’s NEVER too late to make corrections and right your ship.  But it has to begin with a response to a very simple invitation:  “Come, follow me.”

When Jesus bids an invitation to follow, it’s either “all in,” or not.  Not one aspect of life can be exempted from total surrender.  If we hold something back, it’s not surrender, it’s control.  And therein lies the crux of the matter.  In the end it is idolatry.  Oh we can dress it up and call it whatever we want, but the bottom-line is that we are prone to hold something back because deep within we reason that we can do a better job (now that’s just funny), or it’s too deep, too dark for God to handle.  Wake up!  He can handle anything you throw His way.  It’s all He’s ever wanted-----our undivided attention and devotion.  And as the years pass (rapidly I might add) you realize that complete and total surrender really is the only way to move forward.  Jesus put it this way:  "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Self-denial is indeed the only way!  It’s how we move from a marked past and find the way of God.  So, I’m not living with an eye on a regretful past.  I’m simply trying to follow Him, today.  One day, one step at a time.  How bout you?  Something you need to let go of so you can really follow?  Come clean, take the first step and give it to God.  Then, and only then, He gets the glory.  It’s all He wants!

Almost There

On a recent trip a family member called and asked, "Where are you?"  I replied, "I'm almost there."  Not really because I was stuck on the loop in Atlanta creeping tin bumper to bumper traffic trying to get to the I-85 ramp.  As I cleared Atlanta I thought about those three words:  I'm almost there.  Isn't that where a lot of us seem to be?

We're never quite there, we have yet to arrive and we say we are almost there.  But the truth is that almost isn't really there.  Kind of like, we almost won the game.  I almost made that putt.  He almost got the job.  We almost got hit by a storm.

The definition of almost includes: very nearly, but not exactly, or entirely.  Almost isn't a bad place to be, but too often we are willing to settle for it and never arrive.  Think about it:  We start a workout routine/diet, but we never quite finish.  We vow to be better about our time with God and His Word, but it gets pushed out by other things.  We say we will spend more time with our family, but we continue to work like a dog.  We promise to get help with emotional problems and even admit that meeting with a counselor would be a good idea, but we never quite make it.  The scenarios are endless for almost there.

In the gospels Jesus and the disciples seem to be in a constant state of almost there.   Undoubtedly His journey with the disciples is more about them and us in terms of lessons to be learned.  However, when we get to the end of the story we find a huge arrival.  He arrives at God's glory through his death, burial and resurrection.  The disciples make the journey with Jesus, but they don't arrive when He does.  Many are still questioning, doubting, searching and struggling with the idea of a kingdom built on poverty, sacrifice and service.  However, their journey is just getting started and they finally arrive, just read the book of Acts.

Jesus' arrival is the beginning of humanity's journey.  He paved the way and showed us that life must be lived through Him if we are going to pursue God (John 14:6).  We shortchange the Gospel when we think we've arrived at our destination at the moment of salvation.  The trip is just beginning.

Remember, He calls us to follow.  The implication is that we are going somewhere great and the journey is about our growth and finding ways to glorify and serve God as we travel.  It's a missional journey with countless stops along the way.  The road is not always smooth, in fact, when we are really following the road is rough, steep, winding, and long.  And we act surprised!  He told us it wouldn't be an easy journey (John 12, John 15, Matthew 10:16ff).

Almost there can be good/bad it depends on the road we are traveling.  If we settle for almost there we can become self-satisfied and delude ourselves into thinking we don't need to continue.  However, almost there can also be: on the way, keeping pace, striving ahead and straining forward.  Paul understood almost there probably more than most.  He wrote:  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:14).

Happy travels and remember every day means we are a little further along on the journey and we are almost there.