"In Sickness and In Health"

The real heroes of diseases like cancer are not those of us who suffer the disease as much as the caregivers who, like us, never planned, or intended to battle such a fierce foe. Caregiving for cancer and other diseases is like boxing in the dark. You can't really see it, but you are constantly jabbing, poking and striking back through countless acts of unconditional love.

When we stood before our family, friends and God nearly 29 years to exchange our wedding vows Teri and I were clueless about what the future would hold. We were young, in love and ready to take on the world. Everything was in front of us. Children would provide the first wake-up call that being married and raising a family is one of the toughest, but most rewarding challenges humans can undertake. Pastoral ministry wasn't even on our radar. She was interested in HR and I was passionate about a promising broadcast career. Soon enough our first house, careers, a mid-career change, more housing, seminary and another child would present another reality. A few minor health issues in those early years were dismissed by our tender age and the dream of many years together to follow.

We closed our eyes as we celebrated our parent's 25th anniversaries and before we knew it both of them were celebrating their 50th! During that time changing diapers gave way to birthday parties, sleep-over's, school dances, taking kids to practices, a couple of moves, rehearsals, graduations, and eventually college applications. As the circle of life moved forward a couple of serious health issues reminded both of us that we were no longer that invincible couple, like most in their 20's that cannot see beyond the immortality of youth.

In the late 60's and early 70's I remember watching my paternal grandfather bathe, dress and care for "Mama" as diabetes and high blood pressure stole her sight, kidney function and ultimately the breath of this life. BTW they both sing with the saints! On one particular visit to their home as a pre-teen I remember catching a glimpse of my grandfather's fatigue and utter exhaustion from caring for the bride of his childhood. I was too young to recognize it, but upon reflection I have a greater appreciation for that long battle into the night they both waged with faith, hope and courage.

Recently as I watched a couple with a few more gray hairs than us (okay so right now I don't have any hair) interact with one another as she received chemo at the Cancer Center, I couldn't help but reflect on the parade of loved ones I've had the privilege to see in the role of caregiver at that special place. One particular couple have only been married two years! He is too young to be fighting this disease and as I watch her care for him I can't help but think of how strong their marriage is gonna be before they even have children!

Caregivers aren't just couples. I've walked a short while with parents of young children battling terminal diseases and marvel at where they find the strength. A good friend and woman I admire a great deal in Florida put her career on hold to care for her mother as they battle breast cancer together! Her husband has been there every step of the way with his support. I think of my mother-in-law and her sister (a cancer survivor) taking care of their older sister as she battled cancer. Another friend in Kentucky moved her father back and reordered their entire life and business so they could attend to this godly man's physical needs upon the death of her mother. Caregivers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, race, gender, socioeconomic, and cultural backgrounds.

I've watched my Teri keep a stiff upper lip when doctors words weren't hopeful. I've admired the grace with which she extends to me when her plate is absolutely full. She has managed to keep our household running, work outside the home full-time and attend to the needs of our children and extended family without missing a beat. I've seen the determination in her eyes when chemo fatigue has sapped the last ounce of strength within me. Not to mention the depth of mercy and love when the "nasty" side effects of chemo come at the least expected time disrupting routines, schedules, and plans.

She is among the strongest women I know and that is a very, very short list. I've admired her resilience and quiet strength for a long time. She always sees the world or a situation through the eyes of hope and God's promise. Don't let the quiet personality fool you, she's a rock and a tower! But I also know she is tired of boxing shadows in the dark. She is exhausted and like all caregivers finds little time for herself to unplug, rest, renew and unwind. Every morning and every night I watch her disappear with her Bible, prayer journal and a devotion. Without fail it's how she begins and ends her day, every day! She refuels and renews as she leans into the One who holds her and as the old African American pastor used to say, "props her up on the leanin' side."

Lord, my bride has been so faithful in this promise: I, take you to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Sweetheart, you continue to teach me profound lessons of life through your attitude, actions and words. May God wash your soul with an abundance of grace for the countless acts of love on my behalf. May I be found as faithful! From an overwhelmed, humbled and grateful heart.

Love, Almont

God bless the Caregiver's everywhere!